How to trust myself again to believe in love?
September 22, 2012 12:31 PM Subscribe
The break up I recently is making me confused and it has shattered my confidence. I would like to know what happened, how falling in love is meant to be in reality and how to get back my confidence.
posted by home to Human Relations (14 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I met a guy on a dating website and we emailed for at least 3 weeks before meeting face to face and the conversation was going on pretty well. We both were interested in getting to know each other. We kept contact and met again and things went on quite well and after 1 month, we were officially going out as a couple.
I was very happy and was already in love/infatuated with him because although we were already describing ourselves as girlfriend and boyfriend we never said “I love you” but we both liked each other and were happy together.
Some things that caught my attention: He often talked about his ex that he is still friend with and also he thinks that he still has a duty of care and responsibility towards her because they were together for 8 years. The reason they broke up was because she cheated. When he talked about their happy moments he seemed to unconsciously smile and when he talked about the painful moments he wanted to cry. He described his previous relationship as him being a dog and chasing after his master.
I was then suspicious and question his feeling towards her and he always said that he did not love her anymore and it is over. I trusted him.
However just after one month, he wanted to talk suddenly; he then said that we had to break-up. I was in shocked and did not know what happened. The2 reasons he gave for going away:
-His Ex’s parents came to talk to him about her depressed daughter that he left for a new relationship. They told him why he leaved their daughter who is now living alone. He felt extremely guilty and sad for the girl and told me that we cannot be together because he still has a duty of care for her ex and it should not be the case in a normal relationship.
-He did not feel the high and intense emotions that he was seeking with me. He said that it is a strong emotion that he felt instantaneously with his ex and it lasted for 8 years. He said that he started our relationship without this high feeling of emotions but he still wanted to give love a chance. One month was it for him.
How come everything was fine on Sunday and then suddenly Monday night all changed?
We went back together 2 days later after I asked him to give us a second chance; for love to grow between us because we were happy together and liked each other. It lasted for another week then he wanted to end it. But why did he come back even thought he didn’t have this feeling to start with?
I am having confusing thoughts about what happened. Things that happened which I still don’t understand. Can you please explain the following to clear my mind?
-When we were together early in the relationship: he offered me to join a trip with his friends next year. He presented me to his parents. He called me darling and was very romantic, went out of his way to woo or meet me. One day after I woke up, I found him literally crying and he then said that he was so happy and there was stuff that we did together that never happened with his ex.
-Even after our first break up a week later he surprisingly asked me about what type house I would like to live in and he said that it matches his preferences and he would be glad if we could build it together. Then he ended our relationship days after.
I am still feeling depressed, unmotivated and hopeless as when he left me the first time, I lost all my confidence. I really do not know how to get it back and it's been going on for weeks now. I did not see that break up coming and it was a shock to my system. I am finding it hard to believe in love now and most importantly, to believe in myself again.
Thank you for reading.