Strong mutual feelings and attraction for a close opposite sex friend who is engaged
September 20, 2012 6:42 AM Subscribe
Where is this going?! Strong mutual feelings and attraction for a close opposite sex friend who is engaged...
posted by Vareshka to human relations (49 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
My friend has been in a committed relationship with his now fiancée for over 11 years, he never had “emotional connection” with anyone apart from her and has not dated other women. I found him attractive when we met and when he said that he is in a relationship I thought I could handle it as I do value friendships and I wanted to expand my circle of friends. Our friendship became very intense very fast, while not physical, it became intense emotionally. We spoke every day, texted almost every day, saw each other every moment we got (sometimes 5 times a week), and I must say that when we spend time together it does not matter what we do, we just feel very happy, very at peace and just have a great time. He told me that if he wasn’t with his fiancée he would definitely pursue a relationship with me, needless to say I felt the same way.
He wanted me to meet his fiancée and I was hoping I was going to like her and be happy for them. Guess what? I did not like her at all, did not like the way they interacted and the way she spoke/acted towards him.
The wedding date is set up, I was invited and I told him that I’m not coming. I cannot help myself but think he’s making a mistake by marrying her as he is clearly more infatuated with me than friends typically are. But he is a grown man and can decisions on his own, so i'm not trying to tell him what to do. In addition she does not know the extent of our relationship, which also is a reflection of how honest they are with each other. She also told him she did not particularly liked me but that did not deter him. I told him that if I was his girlfriend I wouldn’t be happy about our friendship, but he does not want to see anything wrong with it as we are not physical.
He now got a second job so I don’t see him as often although he always makes time for me at least once, twice a week and calls me every day. I tried to withdraw, but it does not matter if I call or not because he initiates communication himself. He made it very clear that he’ll do whatever it takes to have me in his life.
The problem is that I do really like him and this is hard on me. I want to be just friends but I cannot be happy about him getting married to her and our attraction stands in a way of a typical friendship relationship.
Do you think our attraction will just die out over time and we will be able to just be friends?
If we remain friends, do you think eventually he will have a big confrontation with his girlfriend over me? I have no idea how our friendship has affected their relationship… maybe it made it better because he is in a happier mood once he speaks to me? No clue… but I used to wonder how close their relationship is if there is room for me there.
Is this common to have an anchor/cake at home and a cherry you are crazy about on the side? Is this sustainable?