How do I tell my parents that I'm not having sex?
September 14, 2012 2:53 PM Subscribe
I have no idea how to talk to normal people about my not-normal relationship, particularly when it comes to parents. At what point does it become strange?
posted by platypus of the universe to Human Relations (34 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I am 28 female asexual demi-romantic.
He is 13 years older than me, male, heterosexual, polyamorous, has a girlfriend.
We have dates, cuddle and occasionally sleep in the same bed (just sleep. My ace-ly limits are anything involving any fluids and/or mucous membranes). Our relationship has been slowly developing over 2 years. He is important to me.
My mother is coming to visit in a month and is very likely going to meet him. We are fairly open with each other. She knows about the asexuality, but I‘m not sure how much she actually gets about the asexuality thing. How much and how should I tell her? And what should I tell people generally?
Obviously, you don’t know my mother, but I’m looking to get a sense of what is going to make people look twice. I’ve been spending a lot of my time in queer and alternative communities and my whole relationship seems perfectly sensible to me but I'm generally aware it may not read that way to the broader society. It's the specifics that are tripping me up.
Is the bit where we don’t have sex reassuring (I occasionally spend the night at his place, we may travel together in the future) or something that doesn’t need to be mentioned (I wouldn‘t tell her if I was having sex, after all, but I might mention crashing at his place)?
Should I mention his girlfriend (reassuring: He gets sex from other people, doesn't need it from me. Not helpful: dating a man with a girlfriend and multiple lovers, perceptions of bedpost notches?)?
Is the age thing weird?
The experience difference? (second actual relationship, first lasting one over a year vs divorced)
Ultimately, which parts are of what we've got going on are green (people will generally be fine with this) which are yellow (this may require some explanation/care) and what's red (only tell your very closest friends) to you?
(note: live in canada)