Comments on: The silver tongued devil's got nothing to lose

Question: The silver tongued devil's got nothing to lose

Brodiggitty — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:09:40 -0800

The daughter of a family friend is being pursued by a modeling agency which we feel is using questionable tactics. We need resources to show this headstrong girl that this is not in her best interest.

A male acquaintance introduced the girl to the "agency" via internet. The agent wants this small town girl to fly to a major city. He wants her to pay for this out of her own pocket. He is not promising her a safe place to stay other than a vague promise of "friends' apartments" until she gets on her feet.

When the mother contacted the agent politely asking for some reassurances and references, he wrote back with a long screed putting her down for her small town mentality, alternately bragging about his success stories and putting down the mother's physical appearance and intelligence. He provided no actual references. The email was riddled with spelling errors. He is pressuring the girl to fly to this major city in the next few weeks, and she is shopping for tickets.

The putdown has me thinking the worst. If he'll put the mother down based on her looks and weight to manipulate - he'll do the same for the daughter.

Googling has got me all sorts of tips about how to "make it" in modeling, and warnings about scams where they ask for money upfront. This is a bit different. The parents are trying to offer the girl (who is technically of legal age) help in finding a legit career in modeling. We are worried he has already manipulated her through his divide and conquer tactics.

I think I'm looking for a reputable resource that teaches young women when they're being manipulated by men for sexual purposes, and how scumbags do this. Help?

By: pharm

pharm — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:16:46 -0800

This sounds horrendously sketchy!

Could the mother phone a reputable agency (pick 'em off the list here? http://models.com/agencies/top/ ) and ask them what their usual procedure would be & what advice they might give to someone who wanted to enter the industry?

By: kellybird

kellybird — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:19:08 -0800

Dear God this is REALLY INSANELY unsafe. It sounds like not just a risk, but a high probability, that the girl will be abused, raped, stolen from, or even abducted. It's not a joke. Please, 100 people write in and say the same thing and print it out and show her to start with.

If this girl has the potential to be a model, she ~can~ and ~will~ be recruited by agencies that have professional practices. Let her spend her time reaching out to them. There is no way on Earth she should go forward on this. It's not just a waste of her money. Her life is potentially in danger.

By: caek

caek — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:19:30 -0800

How old is she? Have her parents asked for your help?

By: MonkeyToes

MonkeyToes — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:21:50 -0800

Advice from the FTC about avoiding modeling scams. Found through this related previously (which is worth reading): Oh, the dilemmas of youth!

By: Brodiggitty

Brodiggitty — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:22:05 -0800

She has tried calling other agencies in the same city but they're not coming out and badmouthing this other agent. It's always vague answers - "Oh I think I've heard of him but I can't be certain... You should talk to him." At this point, the daughter is on the skethcbag's side, and that's the problem.

She is 19 and the parents are asking me for help, yes. So I came to the green.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:24:59 -0800

A male acquaintance introduced the girl to the "agency" via internet. The agent wants this small town girl to fly to a major city. He wants her to pay for this out of her own pocket. He is not promising her a safe place to stay other than a vague promise of "friends' apartments" until she gets on her feet.

Modelling is full of scams. Most of them will cost you money and time and will probably not help advance any career in modelling in the least.

A scam that also involves being flown far from home to a strange city to sleep in strangers' apartments? That's a scam that is likely to end with you losing a lot of money and getting sexually assaulted/raped.

If that doesn't convince her, it might be worth finding someone (even an internet someone) who has done some modelling to tell her what actual professional modelling agencies are like. From my understanding (having talked about this with a coworker who used to model and is trying to talk a different coworker's daughter out of a scam modeling company), they are not like this at all.

By: tilde

tilde — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:30:58 -0800

Scam scam sketchy as all hell. If he can't just take headshots she has done and mailed to him to get her going, there's no way in the world she should be flying out to this guy.

What do the googles say about him? Does she know anyone in town that she could stay with instead of him, some family friend who would keep an eye on her? Hell, have mom go along as her manager, period.

By: mikepop

mikepop — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:35:01 -0800

There are probably models right here on MeFi that will chime in, but if none do I have a model/actress friend in L.A. who would be happy to advise against this, if you think this woman is more likely to listen to someone who has direct experience with this sort of thing. Just email me if you want me to ask her.

By: saucysault

saucysault — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:39:17 -0800

Have they contacted the police in the major city enquiring about the guy? I assume they have googled him and nothing damning has come up online.

They do not have any leverage because she think she is smarter than them (yep, we have all been nineteen - it is amazing how much one's parents learn by the time you are twenty-five). Does she have level-headed friends the parents can talk to who can hopefully influence her? Are there any modeling agencies within driving distance who can look at his emails with her and evaluate his reputation?

Would the daughter be willing to have a parent accompany her? What about a level-headed friend the parent's choose. what if the parents offered to fly with her to another city and visit agencies together.

Lastly, let her know that no matter what, they have her back and will come anytime she calls, without judgement. My parent's unjudgemental support allowed me to make mistakes without digging the hole deeper and never getting put again. Good luck.

By: SpaceWarp13

SpaceWarp13 — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:41:00 -0800

Has the mother shown her daughter the email? Maybe seeing the way this man is treating her mother, who is really only looking out for her best interests, will at the very least place a seed of doubt into her mind.

By: greenish

greenish — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:42:11 -0800

Hell's bells, firstly YEAH IT'S A SCAM and secondly, Mr McBullshit insulted her mum's appearance when she voiced concerns? Yeesh! What a ballbag!

Anyway I thought I'd drop in to add my vote to the HELL NO brigade, and also to help out with some links:

Model's Handbook: How to avoid a scam

Other girls talk about experiences of scams in the UK

Different types of model scams

More things to look out for if you're suspicious

Hope this helps!

By: Brodiggitty

Brodiggitty — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:42:48 -0800

He has a website. So what? No friends in the city. Mom can't just drop everything and take time off work. I'll repeat my question: I think I'm looking for a reputable resource that teaches young women when they're being manipulated by men for sexual purposes, and how scumbags do this.

This putdown sounds like a textbook abuse tactic. Help us show her that.

We're hoping when she sees the email she will wise up. I have suggested the friend tactic as well, saucy.

Thanks everyone for the links.

By: pharm

pharm — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:52:16 -0800

I'm not sure the resource you want will convince this girl Brodiggitty. She has her eyes set on the prize ("modelling!") and is going to ignore anything that gets in the way that doesn't fit in with that worldview.

The way to convince her therefore is perhaps not to point out the ways in which this guy is acting like a sexual predator (which he is) but rather to show the ways in which he is *not* acting like a legitimate modelling agency. You need to find out what the agencies actually *do* to recruit fresh talent & support her in doing that instead.

If that means that her mother has to drop everything and go with her daughter to every open casting in LA for a week or two, then maybe that's better than the current likely alternative.

By: kellybird

kellybird — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:54:08 -0800

If there is anything people in "small towns" do differently from people in "big cities," it's that people from small towns tend to have their guard down and be more gullible and susceptible to these kinds of scams. It's not that people in small towns are dumb, but in tighter knit communities, you come across the standard-fare scumbags less often than in big cities and are less familiar with them.

Few people from a big city would give the time of day to a person with no references, who insults another adult. The alert level is on high for modeling agencies to begin with because that can be a scummy kind of business at certain levels. This guy would never make it through the radar for a lot of people living in a big city.

I have a friend who does modeling... feel free to memail me if you are looking for actual models to reach out to, to get an idea of what normal recruiting practices are like. Recruiting practices suck and models don't get paid for much. Honestly some of what happens is not dissimilar from what this guy describes. My friend Ingrid went out to Paris on her own without money, any promise of a job, or a place to stay. She goes to a bunch of open calls at her own expense. It's not like anyone is paying for her at almost any time while she gets her career going.

The differences: nobody insulted her parents. And certainly, no agent invited her to stay with his friends. The people she deals with are polite, upfront, and professional. This guy's behavior has giant red flags. This is not a guy who wants to help her. This is an internet stranger who is preying on her. Models don't need internet strangers to manage them. They need photos, they do indeed need to usually be in a big city (that part is true), they usually need a group of model friends to learn about the business (which she can find on her own), they need to do the legwork to go to calls, and they might benefit from an agency or professional management... but this can be shopped around for or found on the internet. You don't take the first internet psycho who insults your mother.

One thing that might happen is that she is raped, abused, or even abducted. Her possessions or money to get back might be stolen. Another thing that might happen -- this one is pretty likely -- is that she could get out there, and stay with his "model friends," and end up in a high pressure sales negotiation in which the people around her (him and the friends) are pressuring her to pay a gigantic amount of money for modeling photos, or agency fees. Lastly she might be pressured for photos that end up getting used without her consent or for adult practices.

As a teenager, this girl might not know what it feels like to be alone in a strange place, where someone who is a scumbag -- a professional, practiced, career scumbag who is good at what he does -- who has made it his intention to steal from or hurt her. If she finds herself in that situation, she will not be able to get out. She will be harmed, perhaps irreparably.

If she has the look to be a model, it can happen in a safer way. I have a few friends who are even sort of meh looking who have had some modeling success. My friend Ingrid above is the one who is getting onto very successful. This is not the girl's last chance to be a model.

Anyway links:

http://www.joeedelman.com/modeling-scams/

http://gradmoneymatters.com/money-making-ideas/modeling-scams.html

http://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=575330

http://www.crimes-of-persuasion.com/Crimes/Delivered/modeling.htm

One good thing for her to do might be to connect with real models in NYC through the Model Mayhem website and get pointers from real men and women who are modeling. Many of my friends who are up and coming models have a Model Mayhem page.

By: Sara C.

Sara C. — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 05:58:47 -0800

How old is this girl?

If she's a teenager, no no no no. At the very least, she needs to have one of her parents arranging everything on her behalf and accompanying her to the city.

If she's 18+, I think it's worth considering that she's already practically elderly for a high fashion model. What is this guy's interest in recruiting her? Nobody "discovers" 20 year old models. That's like a sports agent signing a 35 year old baseball player.

I'm not sure where this falls on the sketch factor scale. "Never give cash upfront" is the traditional rule of thumb, but it's not clear that this guy is asking for cash upfront. Asking someone to fly themselves to a city is not "cash upfront", assuming she'd be buying the ticket herself. Asking an adult to come to a city and sleep on couches and see if something pans out isn't a scam. It might not be in this girl's best interests to do that for whatever reason, but if she's an adult, this is not necessarily a "taking advantage" situation.

Keep in mind that modeling is a not un-sketchy industry, in general. Lots of modeling agents are jerks who can't spell. Also, I feel like the general public assumes that working in a creative/entertainment industry field means millions of dollars and a limousine picking you up at the airport, but it's not really like that. I work in a high profile creative field, and my first 2 or 3 jobs were similarly sketchy. It would also be impossible to break into my field without relocating to a major city with no guarantees.

All of the above said, I'm not sure this is worth doing. Scam or no scam, there's a strong chance that this girl is going to fly off to London or New York or wherever, the modeling thing is not going to pan out, and she's going to come back home emotionally and financially poorer for the experience. Her age is sort of a double aged sword, too. On the one hand, if she's young enough to have a real chance as a model, she's too young to embark on an adventure like this without parental support. On the other hand, if she's an adult, she has almost zero chance of succeeding as a model.

By: Brodiggitty

Brodiggitty — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:02:29 -0800

Thanks for the offers to speak with real models - I guess it's just that an anonymous voice on a phone isn't necessarily going to help. That's part of the problem. I'm not sue what I'm looking for either, pharm. It just seems all the "scam warning" pages don't fit the bill of what this guy is doing (yet). We really hope she'll come to her senses. This has been helpful.

By: rtha

rtha — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:02:35 -0800

If he doesn't see this, you might want to memail zarq, who does PR work and does a lot of stuff at events like Fashion Week. He knows the industry well from the inside and will likely have helpful info.

By: halfbuckaroo

halfbuckaroo — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:04:46 -0800

Personalize it by having her submit headshots to known agencies - if you think Devil Wears Prada was blunt, wait until she receives a couple of those rejections.

By: Sara C.

Sara C. — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:06:31 -0800

I just saw that she's 19. She should not do this, based on that alone. A nineteen year old model is like a 40 year old quarterback.

That said, if she wants to move to a big city, nineteen is a good age for it. It's good to have some connection in a city, but there's no reason she can't pull up stakes and go live city life for a while. She's an adult and she should have the coping skills at this point to move to a city without getting raped and left for dead in an alleyway. I wouldn't do it in thrall to the modeling idea, because that's simply not going to happen. But if she wants to go wait tables or be a flight attendant or temp, this is the perfect age for that.

By: grudgebgon

grudgebgon — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:19:39 -0800

Both I and my sister used to work as models. What you're describing has NOTHING in common with our experience. This is dangerous, and some sort of scam.

I suggest she gets a book like this or this to learn how to interact with real agencies, and also how to avoid scams and scumbags.

Modeling is a wonderful experience and the professional lessons are very real and very positive. Unfortunately there are a lot of jerks who pretend to be involved in modeling when in reality they're just perverts with SLRs who won't ever get you a job. Avoiding them is INCREDIBLY important.

Please, if she reads, buy her a book about getting into modeling. If she doesn't, please read one yourself and help her understand.

This guy is BAD NEWS.

----

As for age, 19 is old but it's in the 'still possible' range. That said, if she goes to a go-see that's looking for 19 year olds, everyone else in the room will have been modeling for 5 or 10 years, so she'll be at a huge disadvantage. Modeling isn't just looking pretty, it's a collaboration and it requires the ability to understand and take direction. Everyone else will have experience doing that.

That said, if it's her dream, she shouldn't give up. It really isn't too late, it's just too late to be easy.

If it's not her dream, if it's just her reacting the the dishonest flattery of an Internet scumbag, her interest will likely dry out fairly quickly once she experiences the real thing.

Good luck.

By: dave*p

dave*p — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:33:37 -0800

There's a "company"/web site called CreativeLive.com. The do training seminars mostly for photographers. It's free to view when it's live, but after that they charge for the content. I'm not affiliated with them in any way.

On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, the guest lecturer was Yoanna House. She won, I believe America's Next Top Model season two and has gone on to a very successful modeling career. The photographer speaking with her was Michael Jordan Smith. He's the real deal. Their topic was "how to be a model". They touched on lots of specific things, from posing to what debts a model starting out will incur in the first year. Very wide ranging.

Anyway, she spoke quite a bit about scams and what "real" agencies do. One of the things she said was that "real agencies" do NOT pursue individual girls. I believe she also said that Models.com has a list of reputable agencies.

Anyway, the two-day course is already up and available for purchase. It's $99 and the daughter would probably get a LOT from it. As well as the parents.

By: missmagenta

missmagenta — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:33:58 -0800

I'm not sure where this falls on the sketch factor scale. "Never give cash upfront" is the traditional rule of thumb, but it's not clear that this guy is asking for cash upfront. Asking someone to fly themselves to a city is not "cash upfront", assuming she'd be buying the ticket herself.

That's when the motive is money. The cash up front is a scam to get money out of suckers (and their parents). Asking her to fly out to a big city far away from home could be far more sinister than scamming her out of a few hundred/thousand dollars. Bonus points of the decision causes a rift between child and parents, if she's not talking to them by the time she gets on the flight, that gives him more time before anyone comes looking for her.

By: Ruthless Bunny

Ruthless Bunny — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:44:23 -0800

If this were MY daughter, I'd insist on paying for airfare, for her and for me. I'd arrange to get a hotel room and I would escort her to any meetings with the sketchoid.

I would also arrange some meetings at other modeling agencies, even if it's just for a five minute discussion of how to approach a modeling career.

No matter where you are, there is a modeling agency close by. Call them up and ask them if they'll see you and the daughter for an informational discussion.

At this point, since the daughter is an adult, you can't legally do anything, but you can make it damned attractive for her to be in the company of a rational, thinking adult.

By: Sara C.

Sara C. — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:44:51 -0800

Well, sure. But flying yourself to a big city is par for the course in any creative career. Being asked to relocate to a place where people hire models is the least sketchy part of all this. I frankly don't know why people are so fixated on it. They don't hire models in Buffalo or Sioux City or Cody, Wyoming. If you want to do that, you're going to have to get yourself to a big city.

The actual sketchy part is that this guy is obviously not good people, and from what others have said, it this is not how legit modeling works. Also, it's not good to relocate to a new place and depend on someone you don't trust as your only means of support.

It also sounds like there are a lot of extenuating factors that make this not a good idea. Which, again, is not a scam, it's just a reason not to go.

By: Sara C.

Sara C. — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:46:58 -0800

If you really want to convince her not to go, OP, you should show her Craigslist ads from the big city in question wherein men offer free rent in exchange for sex. That should throw cold water on this whole scheme very quickly if she has any sense at all.

By: gmb

gmb — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:48:10 -0800

I was going to say exactly what dave*p said above.

Speaking as a photographer who's done some work with agencies, this is massively sketchy. It's very rare for agencies (that I've worked with anyway) to chase an individual potential model. They might get a card handed to them by a scout if they're spotted in the street, but there's no pressure there at all.

Another thing to remember is that in modelling, money flows towards the model. A proper agency will charge commission on booking fees, but they'll never ask for a model to pay for stuff up front themselves. If they want fresh headshots, they'll have a photographer that they know and approve of do a test shoot with the model.

By: fraula

fraula — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:51:48 -0800

Have you spoken with her about what she plans to do if (knowing, unfortunately, the word to use is probably "when", but address her as the young adult she is) something goes wrong? Maybe if you take her plans seriously, since she does indeed seem serious about this, and work out emergency plans just as anyone would do when travelling alone to an unknown place to stay with unknown people, the fear of those numerous "unknowns" will finally start to dawn on her.

I think I'm looking for a reputable resource that teaches young women when they're being manipulated by men for sexual purposes, and how scumbags do this.

If you follow human relations AskMes, you've probably seen any number of more-and-less-clear abusive situations where it's difficult for the current victim, or was difficult for the past survivor, to see it as such. I myself am a survivor of abuse I did not see as abuse when it happened (really clear-cut stuff, but when you're in the thick of it and want to believe the best of people, you don't see it until, well, you do). All the reputable-ness in the world won't help; she needs to reach the conclusion on her own. Taking it seriously and working it out with her has, hopefully, a good chance of leading to just that.

By: jon1270

jon1270 — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:12:39 -0800

I'm looking for a reputable resource that teaches young women when they're being manipulated by men for sexual purposes, and how scumbags do this.

Not exactly reputable, but perhaps the obvious ill repute will help make the point: PUA forums.

By: dave*p

dave*p — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:23:13 -0800

The photographer speaking with her was Michael Jordan Smith.

Oops, that should be Matthew Jordan Smith.

By: Ideefixe

Ideefixe — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:24:30 -0800

Can you run a Lexis or public records search on the guy or his business? See if he's been sued?

By: These Birds of a Feather

These Birds of a Feather — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:29:53 -0800

None of the resources you seek from us will dissuade this girl from what she wants. This potential (albeit fake) job opportunity is obviously making this girl feel powerful and desirable, and for a lot of women, those two feelings override a lot of other logical data because her whole psyche is now being validated by the artist running this scam.

By: tilde

tilde — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:59:06 -0800

I wonder if mapping out his next moves, with time stamps of posting here might help?

1. Approaching via social media. (done)
2. Offering tantalizing option that's easy, just fly out and hang out and let's see. (done)
3. Attack/put down anyone who tries to get more information out of him. (done)

4. Bonus points [if] the decision causes a rift between child and parents, if she's not talking to them by the time she gets on the flight, that gives him more time before anyone comes looking for her.

5. Attacking her appearance once she gets there? "You're a little fatter than I thought, here's some coke."

6. Sketchy place(s) to stay?

7. Parties, waking up disoriented after (roofies?).

8. Crappy office.

9. His other clients are afraid to talk to her.

10. Skeevy casting calls.

By: Mchelly

Mchelly — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:04:47 -0800

This may be kooky advice (especially in comparison to the people who posted links to serious information on the subject), but the (original) movie Fame has a scene that shows just how quickly this exact situation can deteriorate, and how easy it is to be duped and not realize till it's too late (the character isn't raped, but it's still a pretty disturbing scene). Is there any way to just do a movie night and let her draw her own conclusions (or at least get that much more foreknowledge)? It's a fun movie in its own right.

By: richb

richb — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 08:22:03 -0800

Maybe show her this thread?

By: emilynoa

emilynoa — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:03:59 -0800

Get her a copy of The Gift of Fear! Its all about learning to trust your gut instincts to avoid danger.

By: asnider

asnider — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 09:43:10 -0800

Others have already provided links to good resources, so I'll just add to the chorus saying that this is very clearly a scam. I once accompanied an ex-girlfriend to a meeting with a modelling recruiter who we quickly realized was trying to get her to do porn (well, I figured it out; she took his question about "special talents" quite earnestly until he pointed out that singing and dancing weren't exactly the sorts of talent that he had in mind). His tactics were far less skeezy than those of the "agent" described in the FPP.

Print out the responses to this thread and show them to the woman in questions and/or her parents. She needs to stop talking to this guy and start contacting legitimate agencies.

By: MultiFaceted

MultiFaceted — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 10:14:54 -0800

Has anyone talked to her about what her boundaries are? As in, what type of modeling does she want to do, and what type of modeling is not OK with her? What kinds of pictures/poses is she OK with, and which ones are against her morals/beliefs/comfort zone? And then what will she do if she's being pressured to do those inappropriate photos?

If she's not necessarily listening to everyone say this guy is a scam, maybe asking her what she's willing to do and NOT do will get her to tune into her gut a little more. Chances are, she'll be asked pretty quickly to do something inappropriate, and that's when she'll need to decide to get out. If you can find some information about how the "path" to get into legit modeling does not go through the bedroom, that could help (I haven't read all the links given above).

Instead of someone trying to convince her, maybe an effective approach would be for her to identify her boundaries, what she's comfortable with, and what she will do to "escape" when things get hairy. Also, she needs to understand how to read a contract BEFORE she signs it, and make sure she gets an exact photocopy of what she signed. She may go through with the trip, so at the very least she needs to be equipped with some skills to help her through whatever she finds herself in.

And yes...she needs to invest in her own hotel room or place to stay. Or have someone go with her. That's a simply safety tip for anyone going to a large unfamiliar city, modeling or not.

By: changeling

changeling — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 10:23:48 -0800

I agree with showing her this thread.

I did some modeling when I was her age. some of it was great. some of it wasn't. though I didn't get stuck in any dangerous situations, there were several that could have curved that way, or were peripherally skeezy. I was definitely pressured to the edges of my comfort zone on numerous occasions. I vehemently dislike the idea that she's going into this alone -- I agree with everyone else, she needs to bring a friend or family member, full stop.

as others have pointed out, modeling scratches that itch so common in girls that age -- the need to feel beautiful, and sexy, and adult, and in control (even though you're not). I wanted so desperately to think I knew exactly what I was doing. every time I was pressured or gave in a little, even if I felt okay with it in the moment, afterward I felt so much regret. it's been almost ten years now, and when I think back to certain situations, I still feel squirmy -- and very, very lucky that I put my foot down when I did, or that I didn't book the wrong photographer. still, sometimes I wish I could step into the past and yank myself out of there.

I was away in college during all of this, and my parents knew I was modeling, but weren't really concerned or involved. she's fortunate to have you and her parents involved with this, as much as it probably chafes.

By: Blasdelb

Blasdelb — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 11:05:37 -0800

On the showing her this thread note, the involved parent could mention that they have model friends on the internet and that if the teen can convince us in this thread that the parent has TOTALLY MISJUDGED the situation and everything is actually totally cool then the teen can have the parent's blessing.

Because, there could possibly be some things that the parent might just be TOO OLD to understand, and the teen could indeed have sparkling judgement.

By: nicodine

nicodine — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 11:53:08 -0800

Many posters are only tangentially approaching the core of the issue. Yes, it this is totally fishy. But like These Birds of a Feather, I think she's not going to listen to a list of facts.

When I was 16, I desperately wanted a specific digital camera. Everything about the Sony Cybershot DSC F707 was a dream come true, and it would pave the path to newer, grander photography opportunities. I saved for a whole year and constantly scoured for deals online. One day, I found a really good ebay listing - about $200 cheaper than most other deals. With my mother's blessing, I made an account. I bid. Someone else bid again, so I bid again. I won.

Then the seller contacted me saying that because of some paypal and credit card issues, I'd need to wire the money. The seller insisted I wire the money first, and then the item would be shipped.

When I told this to my mother, she was adamant that I not do it. I became livid. This was something I'd wanted for so long! I'd saved my own money for it! This was my life! The further she calmly and factually explained the reasons to suspect this was a scam, the more I dug my heels in. If it was a mistake, it would be my mistake!

Here's how she eventually turned me around. We had a calm, non-patronizing discussion about what scams do and don't look like, and how many other opportunities there are to buy this camera online. She made an offer: if I could find a reputable seller and find the camera for a decent cost, I would pay what I would have paid the scammer, and my mom would cover the difference.

This had 4 effects.

1. I realized that I could take my time.
2. I scoured more deals, and, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, saw how unlikely that this camera would be that cheap for anything that wasn't a scam.
3. Eventually, I decided to save instead for a much cooler, better camera.
4. I realized my mother supports me and is not paranoid. Because she was right I trusted my mother's judgment more for these kinds of things.

These are the kinds of conclusions that this young woman will have to come to on her own. She needs to feel loved and supported, while still being protected. I encourage her parents to be calm but firm, and to make the counter-offer that should she find a demonstrably reputable modeling opportunity, they will do everything and anything they can to support her.

By: Brodiggitty

Brodiggitty — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 06:23:07 -0800

Just an update. Upon seeing the correspondence, she saw the light and is now pursuing other avenues. We will be providing her with many of the links you provided. Thanks for all your help, thoughts and concern.

By: French Fry

French Fry — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 06:31:04 -0800

Thank Heaven

By: tilde

tilde — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 06:41:19 -0800

Phew!

By: blueberry

blueberry — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 19:29:46 -0800

Glad to hear the resolution—this situation reminded me too much of the Help me help my friend in DC thread.

By: el_yucateco

el_yucateco — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 07:06:34 -0800

If you want to show her what she's really in for, tell her to look up the porn website "casting couch teens". I think she's being offered an "audition". Why keep beating around the bush when everyone knows this is whats going on.

By: el_yucateco

el_yucateco — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 07:08:43 -0800

I see you already resolved this, but if she's still trying to break into modeling, its still valid that she knows what one particular "scam" looks like.