My first relationship question! Oh, joy!
September 11, 2012 6:54 AM Subscribe
How do I minimize worry and jealousy over new boyfriend's trip for 1.5 weeks?
My very new boyfriend is away for two weeks and in a social situation that may lead to sexually tempting situations. Before he left, I asked him what I could reasonably expect in terms of other women and me while he was on his trip. He swore he wouldn’t sleep with (nay, touch) another woman, and said he wanted the boyfriend/girlfriend label. Our relationship has moved pretty fast since we’ve been just plain crazy about each other. I am hearing from him every other day by email, and nothing but lovely words, but nonetheless without the context of knowing him for a long time (so I can hang my hat on pattern of behavior), I’m being nagged by worry and jealousy.
Rationally, I believe that it’s going to be fine, that he’s been sincere, and that we’ll pick right up where we left off when he gets back. I have no reason to doubt the sincerity of his stated intentions. Emotionally, I worry that we’ll lose our special connection (more precisely, that he’ll kind of just forget about me, emotionally) because, even though the connection was incredible, unlike anything either of us had ever experienced, it was so, so new when he left.
Complicating factor that I don’t want to go too far into: There is a woman in his group who has always been very sexually aggressive with him and, even though he says he never felt a strong romantic connection with her, he has had a sexual relationship with her in the past. And they are going to have a ton of time alone together. So I’m not just being totally loony. But he told me, before he left, that he did not want to put us on hold and that he was ready to commit fully. I believe he meant it.
I would like advice on how to pass the next 1.5 weeks and try to stay in a positive mindset, psyched about the potential of a future with someone who I have a crazy connection with, and not be dominated by worry/jealousy.
I’m a professional in my early 30s. My current plan is to work a lot, work out a lot, and take a little Diazepam when I need it. And that I’ll email him about as often as he emails me, or a little more since he’s not around internet too much, and just stay warm and positive in the emails. Kind of hold my breath until he’s back on the grid and we can move on with our lives.
Do you, MeFites with the varied experience in relationships, have any thoughts or suggestions on just getting through the next week and a half without driving myself a little nuts? We’re going to have plenty of time to get to know each other when he returns, we just connected at kind of an unfortunate moment, and I need to get through this one little thing.
Thanks so much for your thoughts and help.