What's the next step if you're not around?

September 8, 2012 11:03 PM

What's my next step for this girl that I met on Friday? (Challenge: I live 40 mi away and am solidly booked next 2 weeks.)

I met a smart, cute, friendly girl on Friday at a Happy Hour. Friend of a friend (really more of an acquaintance.)

I'd really like to see her again. However, I've been told by a female friend that I'm a little too formal/business like when I do this - that I should take it more casually.

Some challenges: I live 40 miles away from her - so this can't really be a spur of the moment thing. Also, this week I'm swamped with work meetings, this weekend I'm not in town, and neither am I next weekend - all for work.

I was originally thinking of a "let's meet for lunch next next Sunday" - but that's going to be a few sundays from now. Would it be too forward to have dinner midweek?

How do I keep this going?

posted by StrictlyVague to human relations (13 answers total)

of course you can have dinner midweek- a girl has got to eat every day of the week. maybe this will help it seem more casual anyhow. there are no strict rules for dating! let her know that you're busy the next couple of weekends for work but that you'd really like to see her...how's wednesday? you really want to check out xyz place....
posted by saraindc at 11:26 PM on September 8, 2012 [4 favorites]

Also: Flowers. Not roses, but some little nosegay, some small bouquet that's silly. Maybe a color you know she likes, with the balls to use maybe a splash of one color you know she doesn't like.
posted by kalessin at 12:05 AM on September 9, 2012

To be honest - and this would depend on your ages and whether either one of you hates this sort of thing - but this is what people use Facebook and texting for. When you meet someone you like and you have to wait a while to see them again, it is fun to get kind of ambiguously possibly flirty texts from them popping up now and then. Or maybe that's just me.
posted by cairdeas at 12:10 AM on September 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'd call or text and chat a little, maybe do that several times, and let the meeting arise naturally out of that convo! That way you'll have contact and eat up some of your busy time without making it a huge deal. A phone chat could also be a great intermediary step to ease into the seriousness of driving that far to hang out!

Also, NO on the flowers. I'm a 27 year old woman and if some guy I met at the bar once, even if we had a great time, showed up to our first date with flowers, I'd be really uncomfortable with his perception of what was going on. Wayyyy too serious and romantic for my cohort.
posted by cakebatter at 12:13 AM on September 9, 2012 [16 favorites]

Agree on both texting/facebook flirting to get things rolling - low key, low stakes, easy to let someone know you're interested

And

No flowers! Too creepy.
posted by saturn~jupiter at 12:35 AM on September 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

28 y/o woman here and dinner midweek would be great. It would tell me that you really wanted to see me even though you are booked up.

No flowers...
posted by fromageball at 4:26 AM on September 9, 2012

Think about it (bad turn of phrase, since you obviously are thinking about it) the girl is probably busy too. In NYC it often takes people a week or two to have their schedules match up, depending on how busy the people are and how hectic their work/social lives are. For sure contact her, mention you want to meet up, ask her how her schedule looks. No problem.
posted by bquarters at 6:41 AM on September 9, 2012

"Hey, I have an insane work schedule for the next couple of weeks but I'm free on Wednesday evening, wanna grab a bite to eat?"
posted by futureisunwritten at 7:21 AM on September 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yes, a midweek thing is fine. In fact, it's probably better for "casualness" because presumably you'll both be coming from work and needing to be at work in the morning. Thursday is my favorite first date night, actually.

In terms of not being able to hang out for an inconveniently long amount of time, I agree, this is where establishing familiarity via text and social networking comes in. In fact, this is exactly how one of my longest relationships started -- we kept intending to hang out, but stuff got in the way. In the meantime, we started chatting on gchat, which enabled us to get to know each other and break the ice a little.

No flowers. Flowers are for when you've been dating a couple months and you find out it's her birthday.

If you are in the NYC metro area, keep in mind that there are so many fish in the big city sea that a 40 mile difference is potentially a huge thing. Forty miles would be a dealbreaker for me unless there were some pretty amazing mitigating circumstances. Be prepared to go out once or twice and find that the distance is a much bigger deal than you thought.
posted by Sara C. at 8:21 AM on September 9, 2012

Midweek dinner for sure. Weeknights are more casual than weekend nights for early stage dating, so this actually fits perfectly with that goal of yours, too.
posted by J. Wilson at 9:09 AM on September 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

FWIW, there is nothing "casual" about buying flowers for a girl you've only met once.
posted by hermitosis at 10:13 AM on September 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ok, I decided to start up a conversation that doesn't involve dating/meeting at all first. Just a joke and a tease about something we discussed the other night. Let's see what happens next.
posted by StrictlyVague at 9:34 PM on September 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just don't fall into the trap of waiting too long to ask her on a date.
posted by jander03 at 11:57 PM on September 11, 2012