this one time? at my mom's house?
September 7, 2012 10:35 AM Subscribe
Should I let my kids' girlfriends sleep at our house?
posted by headnsouth to society & culture (60 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
My kids are 18 and 16, in their last year of high school. I have a very open-door kind of house and having their buddies (guys) sleep over has always been ok. My rule with regard to girls in the house has always been the typical not in the bedrooms, not in the house when I'm not there, etc.
The 16-year-old had a girlfriend for about a year and a half and I had no problem with the rule of no shenanigans on my watch as they were young and her parents were definitely disapproving of any shenanigans whatsoever (two of her sisters already had babies as teens!). It never occurred to me to "accommodate" them, then they broke up, and that was that.
Now my 18-year-old has his first real girlfriend. She is 18 also. Same rule at my house, but at her house, he is allowed to sleep over. I am ok with it, he goes over there once or twice a week, and the biggest problem is that he doesn't drive and she's across town with just a scooter & public transport is minimal so it's a hassle getting him where he needs to be all the time.
But, I'm thinking, if I don't really have a problem at all, in principle, with my kids being sexually active, then why not allow it in their own rooms? Is a no-shenanigans-in-the-house rule just maintaining a pretense that they aren't sexually active? If I let go of the rule, then this girl would spend more time at our house & I would get to know her (I like her influence on my son but I think she feels unwelcome, it's hard for them to spend time on our side of town at all since she then has no way of getting home at the end of the night). A year from now, at least one of them is going to be away at college. I would like for them to feel as comfortable bringing their girlfriends home as they always have bringing their buddies home.
I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts about this ... I think I have some cognitive dissonance going on between what I've always "known" to be the way things are, and the way things really are! Any parents out there who have some experience with this? Please share whatever pros & cons you have on the subject. Thanks.