My wife has been expressing concern about the long periods of dormancy in our sex life in the past 6 months or so. I don't notice it unless she mentions it. I'm trying to figure out the next step. Many more details within.
To start off, my wife and I have been best friends since freshman year of high school. She is 28 and I (a male) am 27. It was only about a year and a half ago that we became a couple, and our one year wedding anniversary is this month. We figured that the time we had known each other was sufficient pre-marriage experience. Since then we started supporting each other while each of us goes to school full time. She's pursuing her Bachelor's in Social Work. I'm pursuing mine in Engineering. School is going great.
A few important (maybe not-so-important) things to consider:
-My wife has vaginismus
of the psychological variety. She was the victim of sexual assault as a middle schooler. I should make clear right now that this in no way affects my sexual attraction to her. There some men for whom this is an issue, but I am not one of them.
-The vaginismus prevents us from having penetrative sex at all but it honestly hasn't been much of a problem when we were doing it a lot. We made things interesting with things we bought from the adult toy shop.
-The vaginismus also makes it almost impossible for her to get a proper gynecological exam. We finally found a female gyno who has been really warm an understanding of the problem. Our next step is to go to a physical therapist. That visit is still pending at the moment. I try to be supportive by asking her if she's keen on setting the appointment, but as passively as possible. Since the condition is tied to both her personal health and sex life, I try to emphasize that the former takes priority.
-This traumatic experience, combined with constantly shitty treatment by her family, has left her with some pretty severe generalized anxiety. She's currently working with a psychiatrist to find the right medication to stave off panic attacks. Right now she's at 0.5mg of Xanax on an as needed basis. We both agree it's working effectively so far.
-I've been diagnosed with dysthymia, a form of depression, for which I'm taking 300mg of Wellbutrin daily. It has helped me tremendously and may have even helped my ADD issues as well. My doctor assured me that the Wellbutrin would have minimal sexual side effects if any.
-I'm otherwise pretty healthy and have gotten my BP to a nice 110/60 (not bad for a family history of hypertension), RHR of 70 or so. I attribute it to the 10 miles of so of fixed gear riding every other day. Height/Weight proportional as well.
So now we get to the meat of it. My wife reminded me a few days that we have not had sex in at least a month. I responded that studies have taken up a lot of time and fatigue has probably killed my libido. She then reminded me that we haven't had very much sex at all since spring break. This is true.
She said "At first I was worried about trapping you in a sexless marriage, but now it feels like I might be trapped in one." She says she feels inadequate and sexually unattractive. I personally feel inadequate for not being able to have sex with my wife with genuine enthusiasm. It's not just her. The idea of sex with anyone is patently boring to me at the moment and I am completely happy with myself otherwise in terms of academics and intellectual discourse with my wife, and I told her as such.
Nevertheless, she is still a little bit concerned and we agreed that I would think about it for a week, you know, really meditate on getting my sexual groove back, and we would consider serious options starting with a visit to my GP. I told her I wasn't especially keen on a doctor's visit because it doesn't feel like a problem, but we'll talk about it again in a week at the latest. She really wants me to see a doctor.
I just need guidance and help parsing the situation here. I hope I gave enough relevant details. Is this normal, first anniversary type stuff? Does my lack of interest in sex in general say something about the marriage as a whole? Is there legitimate reason to go to the doctor?