I miss you?
September 5, 2012 11:03 PM Subscribe
How do you know when you're missing someone, versus missing what you had
with someone? Or, even stranger, what you could have had with them? Snowflakes.
posted by Bluestocking_Puppet to human relations (12 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I still miss a person whom I only dated for a few months, and with whom I ended things many months ago. He decided to move across the globe within the year, waffled about whether he wanted to maintain a relationship beyond that point, and wanted to date me until then and "see what happened." I couldn’t handle this; I really liked him, was insecure about where I stood with him, and interpreted the waffling as his not returning my feelings, or respecting me enough to come down on one side or the other. He’d also pursued me before he made the decision to move, so the sudden change, within a few months of our becoming exclusive, really took me by surprise. But he's since done a 180 and decided not to move, which has me confused. In many ways, he's still one of my favorite people. He's smart and sweet and attractive and fun. We think the same things. Have the same sense of humor. I often wish he were still part of my life and, now that he's not going away, he perhaps could be, if I got back in touch (we haven't spoken all summer). But, on the other hand, he didn’t seem very emotionally invested at the time, and he even admitted he had problems with feeling emotions in general, that he felt that this was what led to the breakup, and apologized for letting me down in that regard.
So I'm wondering how you know whether you miss a person or miss your idea of what you should have had with that person. In this case, it sure feels like I miss the heck out of him. I still care about him, he's said he still cares about me, and time doesn’t seem to be healing things. Also, neither of us has much relationship experience, despite both being adults. What to do? How to deal? Going out on a limb: could this ever work out if I contacted him and told him how I felt, considering I was the one who ended it, or would it be too one-sided and weird after all this time? (Note: I've been meeting and dating other people in the meantime, starting a new job, moving, going through therapy for many things, but still feel this baseline pang of missing him.)