How do you judge how good a friend is?
September 5, 2012 7:55 PM Subscribe
How do you know if someone is a good friend to keep around? Is it judging them by their support or their company?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I've had a history of making bad choices when it comes to friends. I'm one of those people that offer up a lot and contribute a lot when it comes to relationships and I don't mind. I don't ever expect them to repay me favour by favour. For instance, I'll drive people to the airport, take them grocery shopping if they don't have a car, be there for them when they're sick or help them out when they ask and I do it without expecting that they do something similar for me in return. Essentially, I feel like this is what friends are for – to help each other out, to support each other and to be good company at the same time.
However, recently, I started a company that required a lot of social networking. I asked all my friends to share and go to an event briefly just to show their support. A few of my friends jumped on board right away and helped me while a few others, especially the ones that I have helped the most in the past, hinted to me that they didn't want to participate, show up or help me. All it required was a simple 'like' but they didn't want to do it. I have never asked them for anything and I mean this. I am very independent and I always prefer to do things myself. This is the first time I have ever requested them to do anything for me.
And it wasn’t that I expected them to do it because I have helped them out in the past, but it was the fact that this is something really important to me and I’ve been super excited about it. It could be the rest of my life. If it was the other way around, and I knew how important it was for them, I would leap at the chance to help them out.
I feel a little used and a lot hurt because I have always eagerly supported them in whatever ventures they undertook if I could do it because I felt like that’s what friends do. But like I said earlier, I have always been bad at these things so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable in my requests or if this is something that I can reasonably expect from my friends.
By the way, it is mostly guys that are refusing to help. They are all single, if this makes a difference. Most of my girl-friends have eagerly helped me out and a few have acted the same way the guys did.
Anyway, should I be more cautious when it comes to helping them in the future? Am I making the wrong friends? Is this normal behaviour? How do I deal with this? I like these people and their company however I have done things for them and treated them in a way that put them as really ‘close’ friends and yet I don’t feel like they are treating me the same way. I do feel a little miffed and kind of sad that they’re so unwilling to support me even though I have demonstrated that I would do the same for them.
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