Comments on: Wistful Songs of Emotional Conflict?

Question: Wistful Songs of Emotional Conflict?

Michele in California — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:02:13 -0800

I am looking for more songs similar to 10cc's "I'm not in love". Specifically, songs about attraction or falling in love but feeling conflicted over it or uncomfortable with it or questioning it. Difficulty: Must also be non-venomous, non-hostile, non-accusatory. So I am not looking for songs like "You give love a bad name" or Britney Spears "Toxic".

I did search and found this great previous discussion of love songs but that isn't really what I am looking for.

So hit me with your best shot. Bonus points for links to good video (2 pts!) or audio (1pt) of said songs.

Thanks.

By: notbuddha

notbuddha — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:07:32 -0800

Love Rears Its Ugly Head - LIving Color (video)

By: bleep

bleep — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:11:44 -0800

Alternative to Love by Brendan Benson. I'm sad though the original version has been scrubbed off the internet. But this one is good too. "Maybe this time I won't budge, maybe I just need a little nudge.."

By: dotgirl

dotgirl — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:12:22 -0800

I can think of a couple by Split Enz:

Message To My Girl
One Step Ahead

By: tulip-socks

tulip-socks — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:17:19 -0800

Raffa and Rainer, Preventative Heartbreak. available on Lastfm.

By: headnsouth

headnsouth — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:18:49 -0800

I Ain't Missing You (John Waite)
Ridin' in My Car (NRBQ)
Romeo & Juliet (Dire Straits)
And one there's no video or even a decent recording of besides on the actual album: The Kind of Love You Never Recover From (Christine Lavin)

By: amarynth

amarynth — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:22:08 -0800

Freak Me Out -- Weezer

By: dbiedny

dbiedny — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:25:39 -0800

The Things We Do For Love - another 10cc gem.

By: The Deej

The Deej — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:26:18 -0800

Anna Begins by Counting Crows

By: headnsouth

headnsouth — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:31:33 -0800

I apologize sincerely for posting that ridiculous video. Without the visual comic relief, Romeo and Juliet will break your heart.

By: BibiRose

BibiRose — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:44:51 -0800

Tina Turner, What's Love Got to Do with It.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:45:36 -0800

From my playlist 'anti-valentine':

Wondering, Good Charlotte

I'm not quite sure if Max Sharam will fit here, e.g. Falling Angels, Learning to let go. I can't find free audio of any of her stuff, but it sounds less accusatory than the lyrics read.

Amy Winehouse - Love is a losing game

By: sleepingcbw

sleepingcbw — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:48:34 -0800

This may not be super-helpful, but: Mne Nravitsya. (I like this translation better.)

By: Kloryne

Kloryne — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 18:58:58 -0800

The One I Love REM

By: Elsa

Elsa — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:00:23 -0800

The Magnetic Fields: Absolutely Cuckoo is about the heartache of someone falling in love with you, then discovering what you're really like and promptly falling out of love with you. The opening:

Don't fall in love with me yet
We only recently met
True I'm in love with you, but
You might decide I'm a nut
Give me a week or two to
Go absolutely cuckoo
Then when you see your error
Then you can flee in terror

By: fuse theorem

fuse theorem — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:09:48 -0800

Here We Go Again, The Isley Brothers

By: immlass

immlass — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:10:49 -0800

I came in to recommend One Step Ahead, but I'll second it instead.

By: Trivia Newton John

Trivia Newton John — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:15:10 -0800

I would characterise REM's 'The One I Love' as downright hostile.

I'm very into Grant Hart's You're the Reflection of the Moon on the Water for the dalliances that are goodish, but ultimately not enough.

By: Kloryne

Kloryne — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:28:04 -0800

Yeah, you're right Trivia, I take it back.

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:32:22 -0800

Genesis "In Too Deep"

By: Kloryne

Kloryne — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:43:54 -0800

I'm actually having a really hard time finding something equal to the 10CC song. It's a pretty original sentiment for pop.

Maybe Maggie May by Rod Stewart? I think this topic is so interesting...

By: simulacra

simulacra — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:51:21 -0800

My list:

Go or go ahead (Rufus Wainwright)
The bad in each other (Feist)
Poker face (Lady Gaga)
Narcoleptic (Placebo)
True Affection (The Blow)
You said something (Polly Jean Harvey)

By: John Cohen

John Cohen — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:04:40 -0800

The Postal Service — "Clark Gable"

By: capricorn

capricorn — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:09:45 -0800

No one's mentioned "I Won't Say I'm In Love" from Disney's Hercules yet?

By: AsYouKnow Bob

AsYouKnow Bob — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:16:29 -0800

Gang of Four's "Anthrax" is pretty hardcore - but in one channel, it simultaneously includes a spoken monolog about the nature of the love song:

"Love crops up quite a lot as something to sing about,
'cos most groups make most of their songs about falling in love,
or how happy they are to be in love.

You occasionally wonder why these groups do sing about it all the time. . .
it's because these groups think there's something very special about it.

Either that, or else it's because everybody else sings about it and always has.
You know, to burst into song you have to be inspired - -
And nothing inspires quite like love.

These groups and singers think that they appeal to everyone;
By singing about love because apparently everyone has or can love - -
Or so they would have you believe anyway....

But these groups seem to go along with what, the belief
that love is deep in everyone's personality.
I don't think we're saying there's anything wrong with love;
we just don't think that what goes on between two people
should be shrouded with mystery."

By: she's not there

she's not there — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:21:06 -0800

Me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on...we both know that it's wrong...

2nding Romeo and Juliet and Headnsouth comment that it's a heart breaker. ("Julie, I'd do the stars with you anytime." I don't think I could fully trust someone who didn't tear up a bit at that line.)

BTW, I wouldn't describe 10cc's I'm Not in Love as a song of "wistful, emotional conflict". I've always thought that the singer is absolutely, totally, crazy about the girl, but didn't want to let on because he preferred to act cool/wouldn't want to give her the upper hand/whatever. To me, the song reeks of "protesting too much".

By: vers

vers — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:23:17 -0800

Joan Armatrading, All the way from America. Wish there were better A/V available online.

By: jedicus

jedicus — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:23:34 -0800

Two German recommendations:

Matthias Reim - "Ich bin nicht verliebt" (in English: 'I'm not in love') has the same title as the 10cc song but different lyrics. It's basically about a person falling in love but trying to deny it. Lyrics.

Lotto & Pape - "Liebe ist wie Malaria" (English: 'Love is like malaria') could be read as a conflicted song about falling in love. Lyrics.

By: vers

vers — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:25:00 -0800

Also, Bowie, Heroes.

By: lily_bart

lily_bart — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:25:17 -0800

Although the good ~~people~~ teenagers of Songmeanings can't make head or tail of it, I think Regina Spektor's The Calculation has a wistful, head-vs.-heart conflict.

By: entropyiswinning

entropyiswinning — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 20:34:01 -0800

Also by The Magnetic Fields If There's Such a Thing as Love

By: cmyk

cmyk — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 21:02:21 -0800

Neko Case, "Hold On, Hold On" is my tune of choice for this mood.

Compared to some I've been around
But I really tried so hard
That echo chorus lied to me with its
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"

By: Michele in California

Michele in California — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 21:26:35 -0800

@ she's not there: The title was a stab at conveying what mood I am looking for, not necessarily intended to nail the exact mood of the song that inspired the question. I think it does fit my broader description of being about attraction or falling in love but not comfortable with it (if you pull out that one of three negative descriptors).

Re foreign language songs (especially with English subtitles): They are very welcome. I can count to ten in Russian and might know ten other Russian words, and I know a smattering of German and French. I am thinking songs from other cultures might be an interesting addition to a playlist intended to escape and evade that seemingly oh-so-American "Ten things I hate about you" vibe.

I will note that I expect it to take some time for me to listen, view, and read lyrics. Please be patient with what may be a serious delay on favoriting and best answering.

And while I am here, I will toss out a long time favorite of mine (I can't believe I didn't think if it earlier) Love Bites by Def Leppard from their Hysteria album. (Links to favorite videos of this are welcome. I grabbed this one because it gives the lyrics, which has value but isn't necessarily the most evocative type of video.)

By: hydrophonic

hydrophonic — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 21:49:31 -0800

Wanda Davis - Save Me
Alice Clark - I Keep it Hid

These might be too accusatory for you:

The Miracles - You Really Got a Hold On Me.
Solomon Burke - Got to Get You Off of My Mind

By: Bron

Bron — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 21:56:10 -0800

Here's a few from my 'Not in love' playlist. It's a tough niche, and I'm afraid most of my selections veer toward post-breakup weariness and/or cynicism, as opposed to the 'fear of falling in love' of that great 10cc song.

Jane Child - Don't wanna fall in love
Pet Shop Boys - Rent
Matthew Sweet - You Don't Love Me
Hank Williams - A Mansion on the Hill
Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
America - She's Gonna Let You Down
Everything But the Girl - The Heart Remains a Child
Leon Russell (covering a song George Jones made popular) - She Thinks I Still Care

By: Occula

Occula — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 22:09:58 -0800

Maybe "I Love You Goodbye" by Thomas Dolby.

By: jenfullmoon

jenfullmoon — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 22:10:48 -0800

Paul Westerberg--Dyslexic Heart.
Crush by Jennifer Paige--sounds like it'd be dippy, but it's about not wanting to make more of this than it is.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 22:38:21 -0800

Dido - Never Want to Say it's Love, It Comes and It Goes, several of her other songs.

By: jenfullmoon

jenfullmoon — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 22:38:33 -0800

Oh, I forgot Eagle-Eye Cherry's "Falling In Love Again." As in, he isn't so thrilled about it.

I love this thread. Have been checking out the songs all night instead of doing useful things.

By: hattifattener

hattifattener — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 22:43:40 -0800

These occur to me, but I haven't listened to all of them recently so I might be misremembering their mood:

"It Ought To Be Easier" by Lyle Lovett
"I Hate Myself For Loving You" by Joan Jett.
"You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" by Madeleine Peyroux.
"I Love You Goodbye", "Close but No Cigar", and others from Thomas Dolby album; I don't know if "Europa"/"Eastern Bloc" quite fits.

By: jenfullmoon

jenfullmoon — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 22:43:47 -0800

Okay, more:
Modern Love by Matt Nathanson

By: dhartung

dhartung — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 23:20:03 -0800

Perhaps The Crying Game? Or is that too sentimental? It seems to contain a cynical stab by combining "crying" with the word "game" implying a certain inevitability.

There are probably a ton of Dylan songs -- well, a dozen or so -- that would fit this even if he does lean toward cynical/hostile in many more, as in say Love Sick (which is far more conflicted than, say, Like a Rolling Stone!). Perhaps Is Your Love in Vain? or Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine. Anyway, there seems a sense of conflicted impermanence in most of his love songs.

By: Neale

Neale — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 23:42:12 -0800

It's not so wistful, but Ida Maria's 'I like you so much better when we're naked' and Kate Nash's 'Pumpkin Soup' are joyous songs about not being 'in love' but wanting someone all the same.

By: Eumachia L F

Eumachia L F — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 02:48:35 -0800

Ani DiFranco - She Says

she says forget what you have to do
pretend there is nothing
outside this room
and like an idea she came to me
but she came too late
or maybe too soon
I said please try not to love me
close your eyes, I'm turning on the light
you know I have no vacancy
and it's awfully cold outside tonight

By: NoiselessPenguin

NoiselessPenguin — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 04:15:32 -0800

There's the song Feeling Called Love by Pulp:

So what do I do? I've got a slightly sick feeling in my stomach
Like I'm standing on top of a very high building oh yeah.
All the stuff they tell you about in the movies
but this isn't chocolate boxes and roses.
It's dirtier than that, like some small animal that only comes out at night.

...

What is this feeling called love.
Why me. Why you. Why here. And why now.
It doesn't make no sense no. It's not convenient no.
It doesn't fit my plans but I got that taste in my mouth again oh.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 06:05:12 -0800

Pretty much everything by Lyle Lovett.

By: Michele in California

Michele in California — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 08:22:17 -0800

"Crying Game" is great. I love the movie by the same name. The ending, with the most perfect unrequitted and unrequittable love, is awesome. I had no idea there was an old mainstream song by that name. I plan to also check out the Boy George version and follow that thread down the youtube rabbit hole.

And now for a more fun, upbeat almost celebration of this kind of conflict:
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Not exactly wistful, but fits just fine with my search for an alternative to the "Ten things I hate about you" vibe for experiencing and expressing such conflict.

By: wcfields

wcfields — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 08:35:40 -0800

Steel Mind - Bad Passion ZYX Records (Germany) 1983

By: the foreground

the foreground — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 11:13:28 -0800

Twin Shadow - Run My Heart

By: ets960

ets960 — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 11:54:07 -0800

Tom Waits- Hope that I don't fall in love with you

"Now it's closing time, the music's fading out
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout
I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you"

By: in278s

in278s — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 11:56:59 -0800

At work at the moment, and unable to pick out a video, but "If I Loved You" from Carousel is what I'd call the prototype for this type of song.

By: essexjan

essexjan — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 14:33:38 -0800

Buddy Miller - Oh Fait Pitie D'Amour (Love Have Mercy On Me)

By: pizza party

pizza party — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 19:33:25 -0800

Gayngs - The Last Prom on Earth

Their entire album is specifically inspired (at least sonically) by "I'm Not In Love." Yes, that is Bon Iver's Justin Vernon rapping at the end there.

By: Rash

Rash — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 05:27:51 -0800

Thanks for the mental nudge, in278s -- and for the most lush, intense version, let me present the great opera singer, Renata Tibaldi:
If I Loved You

By: Michele in California

Michele in California — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 06:56:42 -0800

I am having significant technical difficulties in downloading and viewing videos, so have gotten through precious few of these. Thus "serious delays" are turning into Ridiculous Delays, which made me decide to pop in, mark a couple of best answers (Crying Game, In Too Deep), and mark this resolved. If you get a "best answer" six months from now, it's not because I am neurotic. I am just Android impaired.

Thanks for playing!