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The only dress that I've found so far was price upon request.
September 5, 2012 2:04 PM   Subscribe

Modern, stylish, but not trendy, fairly subdued/subtle formal long gown for a petite lady with lots and lots and lots of bust to contain? Added difficulty: I will have dark blue hair.

So, I've got this wedding to attend in the end of October. The bride is my first cousin's fiancee and she's pretty cool, so I think my having dark blue hair in all her wedding photos will be fine. I fully intend to make sure that's the case closer to the wedding and if it's not I'll dye back to my natural dark brown. But all signs point to me having dark dark dark long blue hair.

The past few family weddings, all the women have worn long dresses, and I haven't, because I'm the youngest of the cousins and it's always been really hard to find something and I have nice legs, anyway. This time, though, the parents are giving me a budget of about $400 ($500 max including tailoring) and I'd really LIKE to get a long dress because that will be much more formal and fancy and help compensate for the blue hair. I've been looking online for about a week now and I'm having trouble finding anything in the style I'd like. I can contribute a couple hundred to the budget, but only if it's something I absolutely fall in love with and will want to wear for the rest of my life - and to say I don't have much occasion to wear a long gown is an epic understatement.

The bride reports that she intends for the wedding to start out very formal and elegant and lovely and then, as the evening progresses, for everyone to "get real funky". So, nothing that's going to be fussy or fall off of me. It's inside of a hotel in Sacramento so luckily, environment isn't going to be a big factor this time.

Style I'm looking for: I'm pretty eclectic but in this case I'm looking for something with clean tailoring and interest derived from stuff like hems and shaping and fabric choice rather than being encrusted with beads. I really don't like chiffon. I do like embroidery, but not lace very much. I'm liking this hi-low hem thing that's going on now, but in a long dress it can sometimes look ridiculous, and I'm wary. I'd prefer most of the embellishments be below my waist because 1. I don't need to call any more attention to my bust than it will already have on its own 2. I have made this beautiful crocheted lacework shawl that I'd like to wear with it, it's dark purple and has lovely fanwork all along the wings, although that's not mandatory. I don't care much for satin but I love silk. Ideally, I would get something in silver or grey, because with the hair and the shawl that's a whole lot of stuff going on. I have these slightly blue-grey platform sandals that I haven't had a chance to wear yet. A nice purple - not a screaming one, something more subdued - would also work I think? I am open to more options. I'd rather not wear black because that's what the bridesmaids will be wearing and I don't like black anyway. That high res digital photo print on silk thing that was trendy last year is really nice to me, (I was briefly obsessed with this Oscar de la Renta dress) but in a long gown an all-over pattern is just too much and finding something simpler that's well constructed is proving outside of my budget.

I have a 32" underbust and 44" overbust - I wear a size 34FF in Elomie. I absolutely must be able to wear a bra with straps with this dress. I'm 5'1", with basically no hips and kind of a chubby tummy, I'm basically 32" from the ribcage, down. So clothes with good structure in the torso and fullness starting at the waist are what I need. Combined with my shortness, tailoring is mandatory (I live by a pretty great one, but she's very busy and won't be able to do very complex things in the time allotted, and does NOT do stuff like adding straps or sleeves where once there were none), and there's just nothing in my price range that really seems worth it.

Whenever I read fashion AskMes I'm always linked to tons of new stores I've never heard of before, with nice modern styling. But the added difficulty of the ankle length gown is really tripping me up when looking through past posts. I'm in Seattle, WA and am happy to order stuff online, as long as it can get here fast enough for me to get it tailored by mid October, as well as drive a ways to get to boutiques somewhere. What's out there that I haven't seen? Thanks!
posted by Mizu to clothing, beauty, & fashion (30 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Have you thought about having something tailored specifically for the event? Your budget is pretty decent for that. You can take your picture, and souce some gorgeous fabric and then work with your tailor to create a one-of-a-kind dress that fits you perfectly.

Vogue Patterns is an awesome source, (I'm desperate to see a pic of your dress, but the site is blocked at work, and I can't get my iPhone to load up to 41. GRRRR.)

If your tailor doesn't do full on seamstress stuff, he may know someone who does.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:22 PM on September 5, 2012


The problem with getting something custom made is a time-based one. I'll be leaving for this wedding October 15th or so - by the time I find the right person to make something I'd only have like 4 weeks and that's SUPER tight.
posted by Mizu at 2:31 PM on September 5, 2012


What size do you typically wear? (I'm guessing you do a fair amount of separates...)
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:33 PM on September 5, 2012


Would something like this dress work for you? It is dark purple, has fullness on top with tailoring on the bottom and the plum might look nice with the accessories you've already chosen.

Or, if that isn't long enough or formal enough, how about this one in either plum or charcoal? You could get it fitted for your bust and any alterations on the torso would be easier to hide. I'm not entirely sure it would flatter your body shape, though.

this one could be fun!

Or this convertible gown. This is a lovely modern dress. And a fun pattern on this one.

Good luck!
posted by jillithd at 2:35 PM on September 5, 2012


I'm a 10 short in jeans and a 12/14 sometimes absurd nonsense like size 6 long in tops. Here are some terrible but full-length photos of me in a silly costume.
posted by Mizu at 2:37 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Unless you are very young, like under 20 I'd urge you to color your hair before the wedding and rethink the shawl. That's a pretty funky boho look right there and only very, very young people can pull that off with a formal dress at a formal wedding and look fresh and cool, rather than like a Stevie Nicks wannabe. Like 15 or 16 would be definitely ok, if you're 35 not at all ok. Somewhere in the middle... ask several people that know the players for advice.

If I were you I'd look at j crew, oddly enough, in the weddings and parties section. They have nice classic long dresses there in the $3-400 range. Also Ralph Lauren has worked well for this busty girl in the past.
posted by fshgrl at 2:37 PM on September 5, 2012


I thought this site had some really cool stuff.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:38 PM on September 5, 2012


Igigi has some gorgeous full-length dresses in blues, purples and grays that would look lovely with your hair. They are a plus size line but their smallest size looks like it would work for your bust measurements and the waist and length can be tailored.
posted by platinum at 2:39 PM on September 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


THIS would be lovely and it comes in Grape (or a whole host of other cool colors.) Also they do made to measure.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:40 PM on September 5, 2012


What about this one or this one from J. Crew? Both are classic, available in petites, & come in tons of colors.
posted by oinopaponton at 2:41 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


(By the way, J. Crew "normal" sizing always runs huge for me, but the petite stuff fits more true-to-size all over)
posted by oinopaponton at 2:45 PM on September 5, 2012


I just popped in to recommend the Heidi gown from J. Crew that oinopaponton linked to. It looks like the straps on that one are wide enough to wear a regular bra with.

You might also consider a two-piece dress, or a mock-two piece, like this one, which will make tailoring easier.

I also wanted to mention -- don't forget that you can get your bra tailored too. If the bra straps are too wide, or the back sits up a little too high, a good seamstress can fix those issues for you. And lingerie tape is your friend.
posted by OrangeDisk at 2:46 PM on September 5, 2012


I have no real problem with looking like a Stevie Nicks wannabe. I'm 28 and well known in the family as "the weird one". At this point I'm 100% on board with letting my freak flag fly. I just don't want to muck up the bride's wedding photos so I'm reigning in the penchant for bright rainbow colors. The whole "fresh and cool" thing is not something I ascribe to? I just want to be happy in what I'm wearing.

One shoulder is NOT an option. The girls don't put up with asymmetrical support. It HAS to have TWO straps and they can't be off the shoulder. Strapless bras might as well be no bras, and I have narrow shoulders. I'm well up on my bra technology, and have tried numerous things, spent hundreds of dollars on strapless nonsense and it's just not feasible. I'm okay with this because I'd prefer more coverage up top anyway!
posted by Mizu at 2:47 PM on September 5, 2012


This. I love how it looks. It's Igigi, beaded and black though.
posted by geek anachronism at 2:54 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


The whole "fresh and cool" thing is not something I ascribe to? I just want to be happy in what I'm wearing.

I didn't mean to offend you. You specified "stylish" and "modern" though and expressed that you wanted to fit in at a formal wedding. My office was based purely on that, not as a comment on your personal style.

If people are wearing long dresses and the bridesmaids are in black... and you want to look stylish, modern and not out of place my advice stands I'm afraid. Again, this is not a criticism of your daily style, just advice from someone whos been to a lot of hat-wearing weddings.
posted by fshgrl at 2:56 PM on September 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Office = advice. Stupid phone!
posted by fshgrl at 2:58 PM on September 5, 2012


Regardless of what dress you buy, save $100 for tailoring. Don't automatically discount strapless if you think you will be able to find some matching fabric -- a tailor recently added straps to a strapless dress for me using fabric i brought him for only another $10 or something on top of the rest of the tailoring (the advantage of that is they were exactly the size and exactly where I wanted them).
posted by brainmouse at 2:58 PM on September 5, 2012


I have just attended a formal wedding in the UK where 5 ladies all wore knitted lace shawls - as did the bride. They looked beautiful. Shawls are not necessarily boho-chic, but can look very, very beautiful and stylish with the right dress!

If you plan on wearing your Icarus shawl, make your dress a solid or semi-solid colour with very little fussy detail on top (this also works in your favour if you are top-heavy - I speak from experience).

I would probably also try to find separates rather than A DRESS.
posted by kariebookish at 3:43 PM on September 5, 2012


Have you tried browsing through ShopStyle? It can be good for sifting through a lot of candidates rapidly. Here are a few dresses that I think might fit your requirements, though some of them are dubious when it comes to bra compatibility:
posted by Orinda at 3:54 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think the term "maxi" might be a helpful keyword. For example, here are a variety of dress in shape, color, style, formality, and price from Nordstrum's.

I agree with fshgrl on the shall, but it will really depend on the dress you end up with. I wouldn't limit yourself with matching the color in the shall. And I find that jewelry (esp pearls) can really amp up how "dressy" something looks. If you have money left in your budget, consider sinking more money than you normally would ($50?) into a statement necklace to go with the dress. Take a look at the jewelry case at Banana Republic for inspiration. (I adore a lot of the JCrew stuff, but I don't see anything there at the moment that I'd recommend for less than $70)

(And don't forget than you may need a slip to avoid pantyline/clinging).
posted by maryr at 3:59 PM on September 5, 2012


I am a short busty tummy-ish woman, and i recently bought and wore and loved this dress, with a strapless bra and bandeau underneath, and it was awesome!
posted by Kololo at 4:28 PM on September 5, 2012


Speaking as another small, big-busted person, I can tell the clothes on the Igigi site would suit my figure, with their bodice/defined waist thing. Never mind that they're plus-size. (The worst thing, I find, is that dresses which would look beautiful on taller people look on me as though I have a shelf at chest level and no waist underneath it.)

Maybe pick a dress style from Igigi and go looking for that style in other stores?
posted by glasseyes at 4:35 PM on September 5, 2012


I guess the biggest problem is just that I apparently have hideously expensive taste. Like, I know of Igigi and the dress geek anachronism linked to is probably my current frontrunner, if I can resign myself to the idea of yet another black dress I won't ever want to wear, because it's black. But when I say "modern" and "What's out there that I haven't seen?" you can be assured that I have scoured Nordstrom's and Zappos and J Crew.

Here are some gowns that I think are gorgeous and are entirely outside of my budget and don't fit all of my criteria anyway, for style reference:
Zac Posen, it's black but I love the seaming and the neckline.
Carolina Herrera, wrong color but amazing embellishment.
Siviglia, open back (so bra doesn't work) but gorgeous geometric satin detail and beautiful color.

Of the Nordie's crop, the frontrunners are:
Cachet, too shiny of a silver but I like the shape of the back, unfortunately I've learned that "ruched" really just means "have some extra fabric where you don't need it because your fancy undergarments are holding you in anyway!"
Max & Cleo, black (yawn) and mesh (ew, textural yuckiness for me) but I like the overall shape and the quietness of the details,
Tadashi Shoji, but it's navy and I'm thinking dark blue hair + navy = disaster, and it's kind of busy and liable to be a bit of a hot mess at the waistline.

Okay, I'll stop threadsitting now. I just am really looking for links to lots of different options, maybe not classically known for their evening gowns? Something with some quiet interest that isn't a cluster of georgette roses on the shoulder. With straps.
posted by Mizu at 5:30 PM on September 5, 2012


Dark blue hair is added AWESOME, not added difficulty!

How about this?
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:33 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I just re-read your description of what you're looking for and realized that most of my suggestions violated the specs. (Sorry about all the beading. I forgot you wanted to avoid beading.) One more suggestion: sign up for "flash sale" sites like Gilt, ideeli, MyHabit, RueLaLa, etc. They seem to have evening gowns with some frequency. I wouldn't count on these sites to bring you the perfect dress, but you could keep an eye on them for a couple weeks while pursuing other avenues. (Have you tried local boutiques and resale shops in Seattle?)
posted by Orinda at 6:16 PM on September 5, 2012


The problem with getting something custom made is a time-based one. I'll be leaving for this wedding October 15th or so - by the time I find the right person to make something I'd only have like 4 weeks and that's SUPER tight.

Yes, but if you buy something that doesn't fit very well, you have plenty of time to get it tailored. (October isn't wedding season, so tailors aren't super duper busy right now).
posted by ablazingsaddle at 6:43 PM on September 5, 2012


While all the dresses you linked to are lovely I don't think you're getting those kinds of suggestions because a) they might be a bit less on the classic side and b) those are some seriously unforgiving cuts. Budget $100 for Spanx for most of those!

Try Bravissimo, the styles are hit or miss but at least you're starting with the right shape dress instead of trying to alter a sheath made for a B cup. This and this are classic, this is more on trend and would actually look pretty cool with a purple shawl, though possibly not formal enough unless you wore your hair up.

Here's a few more suggestions, that you might be able to find locally to try on.

Lace, but in petite and the neck line will minimize your bust. This color and texture would really downplay the blue hair, especially if you wore it up.
Black but a good cut for boobs and you can call and ask if they have it in another color.
This is similar in line to some of the dresses you posted but a much more comfortable fabric
This is pretty interesting (albeit black)
posted by fshgrl at 7:00 PM on September 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


You might go see if you can get a bodyshaper/bra on your size now that I think of it. It'll make the kinds of dresses you like look way better, because those fabrics will show bra lines, especially really supportive bras. I'm a G cup with a thing for silk jersey dresses so I know this! I have one from Bravissimo that really expands my dress options.
posted by fshgrl at 7:42 PM on September 5, 2012


Would something like this be closer to your ideal dress? Halston Heritage has been sold (and sent to outlets) in a number of stores so it should be easy to phone around/google if there were a specific style you did like. Something about the outline of this dress from Hobbs seemed reminiscent of the styling from your links, though obviously you'd have to factor in British sizing and shipping.

Given your budget, it might be worth it to consider whether you'd rather splurge on accessories and really good undergarments to dress up an okay/more informal maxi dress (thankfully, very in and very on sale) or something like a Tadashi Shoji that really fits you and where expensive tailoring makes more sense over altering a cheaper fabric. This seems like an interesting (if outdated) list of more boutique shops in Seattle; maybe if one of them has a style pattern similar to yours, you might be able to phone them and discuss options or special orders? Or maybe checking out websites of boutiques in San Francisco, which might have a slightly broader black tie market than Seattle?
posted by jetlagaddict at 8:26 PM on September 5, 2012


Found from Sidhedevil's comment, this dress might be closer to what you're looking for. I think the shape would be very flattering on your figure.
posted by jillithd at 7:04 AM on September 6, 2012


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