Springing off of this person's situation: http://ask.metafilter.com/221777/Family-Leave-Act-Illinois-how-much-notice
What would be a more appropriate request for FMLA?
My mom passed away this April from metastatic breast cancer. It was a very long, 7 year battle and last Dec-April she was on a decline. Being an only child, I wound up being her caretaker along with hospice. My dad emotionally bowed out/froze up so it was really me and hospice. I only took 3 days since she passed so fast. The rest of my time was 1 week funeral leave and 1 week PTO and that was literally to get my dad's estate planning in order and clean up my mom's things. So I would say from the moment my mom passed and forward, I have now been taking care of my dad.
My dad is beyond depressed and has congestive heart failure. He's constantly dizzy and no docs can find out why. To me, his CHF is turning for the worse---blue hands, peripheral edema, slight pitting in legs, he's not eating, and wound up falling at 2am two weeks ago and fracturing 3 ribs. He's not even taking a bath because of depression and being in pain. He also wound up calling me a week later at 1am because he took magnesium citrate for constipation induced by the pain pills and he didn't handle that well. He wanted me to take him to the ER, which I told him was uselsess for essentially bowl prep side effects. So I bought him Depends and some other things.
I call him daily since he has no family/friends and visit on the weekend to write his checks since he refuses auto bill pay. It's fine and I don't mind. But his home is also falling apart where the magnesium citrate episode totally soiled his bathroom floor and he didn't do a great job cleaning (sorry TMI).
My point is from Dec forward I have had zero time to grieve for my mom and now with my dad I'm emotionally getting strapped. I'm telling him he either needs in-home care 4 hours a day, live with us (he absolutely refuses), or go into a home (which is killing me). He just wants to die and be with my mom. He's always been Mr. Ultra Active with work/doing things and now he can't because of how he feels and my mom did EVERYTHING from cooking, banking, shopping, doc appts, the works and he feels totally helpless (which is feeding into the depression).
Bottom line is with this I have a 3.5 year old and work full time. I'm ready to break. I don't want to (and can't) lose my job since I am the benefit provider but I just can't do all of this anymore. But I don't know how long it would take to fix/sell my dad's house if need be or the back and forth fight of in-home care or a retirement home. I found in-home care but he's hot and cold on making a decision.
Would FMLA request be more under care of him or for my own mental health? The problem is I really don't have an end date. Between project managing what needs to be done and when will I feel up to life (and yes, I am seeing a therapist and am on meds for my OWN depression. Hooray). On top of which, say I get everything done and then my dad passes soon after, there is a whole other thing to take care of emotionally.
How would I approach this with my boss (new manager once again) without being a total flake on not handling well, life, as it's thrown at me. But quite honestly, I know I'm not giving it my all here at work because I just don't have anything to give. I don't like being 'that' kind of employee.