Why am I jealous of everyone else's drama?
September 2, 2012 4:40 PM Subscribe
I have a happy, stable, and supportive marriage. Why am I jealous of everyone else's relationship drama and general craziness/fun?
posted by A Special Kind of Weird to human relations (24 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a male, 28, happily married for 3 years (together for 6). My wife is the same age. We were best friends in college, hooked up at the right time, happy as clams, got married, and we're still awesome together. The sex life is good to great (depending on my depression/anxiety levels), and we have a good, supportive relationship.
If I have all of this stability, happiness, and support, why am I jealous of other people's drama/crazy?
We have a few friends who are going through some epic upheavals in their lives right now, and I get to hear about it. One woman was in my graduate program, our age, and married to an older man. She moved away right as she began her dissertation because her husband got a new job. A few months later, she was cheating on him with another girl, ready to divorce, running around in hotel rooms, and, outwardly, brimming with happiness. She's now got a happy new girlfriend and is planning to ditch her career to open a bakery in Portland (or something like that).
I was jealous. Of what, I'm not sure. Jealous of the newness? Jealous of changes when my life has a rut to it?
I have another friend (new to my program) that my wife and I have been hanging out with. She's sexually open and fun; she talks openly (to us) about her craigslist hookups with older doms, her kinky past, and a lot of the stuff she does. It's fun, and it's nice to talk to someone about that, because my wife and I are in a conservative area. Even though we're only slightly kinky, we do enjoy chatting about sex, and she's a great outlet.
Again, I'm jealous. I'm not sure of what. Jealous of doing all of those things, or jealous that I'm not doing all of them right now.
So here's my question - I'm having jealousy pangs through all of this. I can't tell if I'm jealous of people who have relationship conflict in their lives (when I have so little), or if it's because they're getting to have new sex with new people in new situations. Or maybe I'm just jealous of things I don't have. I've always been a person that wants more, and a person that never seems to be content with what's in front of him. I want more, better, other, etc. I've talked to my wife about this, and she's completely understanding; she tends to be the type of person that is content with what she has.
What can I do to get over this, or at least deal with this more positively than jealousy? Is this a case of "the grass is always greener," or am I going nuts because I'm missing something? I don't think I want the relationship drama or other stuff, but hearing about them just hits that jealousy bit, and I'm not sure how to handle it.