How can I help my husband recover from extensive hemorrhoid surgery from a thousand miles away?

August 29, 2012 12:27 PM

My husband will be having big hemorrhoid surgery while I am unavoidably out of town. What can I do before I leave to help him as much as possible until I return?

The husband has very bad colitis, and as a result has several inches of enormous, copiously bleeding, and often infected hemorrhoids: 6+ inches as of a checkup last year, probably more now. He has miraculously found a doctor who will give him a consult and surgery in the very near future, and we're really really happy about this.
But I am unavoidably out of town when he is scheduled for surgery. No "how to arrange to stay home" advice please, this cannot in any way be avoided or changed, and the husband frankly prefers to be alone when he's in pain so he's a bit sad but not upset that I won't be there.
I'll get home about a week after the surgery, and we do have a friend who is willing to be on call and to check in on him.

I'll put as much energy as I can into setting up his bedside at home to make his life easier and more comfortable while he's recovering on his own. Mefites who have had extensive hemorrhoid surgery or whose partners have had it, what important things do I need to make sure he has? What items are essential for comfort?
For entertainment we have a TV and laptop and tablet that I can arrange near him, and I'll get a pile of books in easy reach also.
Other things I've thought of were lots of water, lots of moist wipes, stack of towels, extra pillows for propping, lots of blankets that can be piled on if necessary without effort. What else?

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (11 answers total)

Get him a mini fridge for the bedroom. Stock with food and beverages.
posted by inturnaround at 12:31 PM on August 29, 2012

Oh, yikes, I am sorry your husband has to have the surgery and that it has to be while you're out of town.

If you don't have Netflix streaming or Hulu Plus, that would be a good thing for his bedbound moments. If you don't already have an e-reader, this might be a great time to buy one as a treat (I find it's a lot easier to read my Nook in bed than to read a print book in bed).

Yummy foods that are appropriate for his recovery plan, and that aren't difficult to prepare, would be key. If his doc is pro-high fiber for postop eating, frozen chili? I like this as my "human chow" go-to. Maybe the check-in friend can bring some fresh fruits over?
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:39 PM on August 29, 2012

I think the mini-fridge is a great idea.

You say you'll have a TV and laptop-- do you have Netflix? It might be nice to prefill the queue with things that you'll know he'll like.

Also, I'm assuming he'll have post-op pain meds. Is it possible for the doctor to call the prescription in early so it can be ready and waiting for him when he returns home? If not, can the friend pick it up for him?

Also, if I were in his shoes, I'd like to know that *someone* (the friend or other friends) was going to come by at a specific time every day, so that if I needed something (like gatorade), it wouldn't feel burdensome to call and ask them to pick it up and bring it over, since they were already planning to come by.
posted by Flamingo at 12:42 PM on August 29, 2012

Books, games, those extra pillows should be good body pillows, not cheap ones so he can contort in whatever fashion he needs. Extra phone, handy / charger handy / one of our portable phones has a neckstrap so you don't wander around without it "I've fallen and I can't get up!".

Friend who can call in and check, but doesn't he also need to be driven home and watched the first 24 hours?

There is probably post surgical care gear you need to get - squirt bottles for self-care/cleaning. I'd speak to the place performing the surgery to have it handy and somewhat open (open and clamp shut or keep scissors handy).

If he's on post pain meds, then a system for recording med taking - what pill when, every time. set up a chart in advance, easy, to fill in with qty and time or whatever is needed. helps remind when to take it /when last took.
posted by tilde at 12:44 PM on August 29, 2012

extra pillows for propping

Yes. As a specific-to-pillows tip...Target has bed pillows in a two pack for 6 bucks. It doesn't get much cheaper than a $3 pillow. They aren't great for sleeping on, but they're really great for propping yourself up on.

Keep in mind that there's a certain amount of fluid drainage that happens after any surgery, so things he lies on may get accidentally stained/ruined. No one cares if you ruin a $3 pillow.
posted by phunniemee at 12:45 PM on August 29, 2012

I had a similar experience a few years ago when I nearly died from a burst appendix. As it happened, my wife and children were out of the country at the time of the surgery and the first few weeks of my recovery.

I had actually asked them not to come back early so I would not be a burden. While I certainly missed them, having a daily phone call was key to my state of mind while recovering. Hopefully, your absence will still afford you that opportunity.

Having your friend on-call is also a boon. I was lucky to have my parent local to assist in my recovery.
posted by Tanizaki at 12:46 PM on August 29, 2012

there's a certain amount of fluid drainage that happens after any surgery


Bed Chux and a handy bin with scent blocker trash bags to put them in.
posted by tilde at 12:59 PM on August 29, 2012

He can handle this alone but someone close by needs to call him every day and be "on call". You never know if he will have a complication, a trusted friend or neighbor needs a key in case he has a problem.
posted by pearlybob at 1:28 PM on August 29, 2012

Maybe different in some ways, but I had foot surgery last year and my fiancé had to go away for work.
Some of the nice things I remember- ahead of time, we stocked the fridge and freezer with meals that are easy to reheat or eat cold, and lots of drinks. He also did all of the dishes and then left a few of the common things - a couple cups, plates, bowls, out on the counter for me to grab more easily.
He also a few time called in deliveries for me from afar. I would tell him ahead of time what I would like and what time, and he cackled it in or ordered online.
Wow, these things are all food related. I guess most of what I did was watch tv, play on the computer and eat. No one stopped by on me, but I did speak to him on the phone at least once a day.
posted by IdRatherNotSay at 3:33 PM on August 29, 2012

You might have already made provision for this, but many surgery centers require that the patient have someone with them at all times for the first 24 hours.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 7:22 PM on August 29, 2012

How about a pill organizer for pain meds and any other meds he might need to be on? The friend could set it up post-op with any scrips he's given at discharge.
posted by hms71 at 7:59 PM on August 29, 2012