How to balance time together in a relationship?
August 29, 2012 10:15 AM Subscribe
What's a normal amount of "together time" in a committed relationship? I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and have known him much longer than that (many years) as friends. We are both in our 40s and both are separated from our spouses.
posted by DianaV to human relations (27 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
He was married for his entire adult life, and he feels that our relationship at this point should be one where we are together every night and all weekend. He does not like sleeping alone, and if we are apart for one day on the weekend, he says it makes him too sad. When he says things like that, I react badly-- I feel like he's being clingy and needy. But is he?
I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and a big part of that emotional abuse was feeling "controlled" by my husband. I got out and relished the freedom. Now I am in this new relationship, which is wonderful in most every respect, except we seem quite incompatible on the question of how much time to spend together. I'd be happy seeing him a couple of evenings each week and one day on the weekend. More than that makes me feel smothered.
To keep him happy and because I feel like maybe there's something wrong with me, I've been seeing him a LOT-- every day after work, and quite a bit of time on the weekends. But I miss my alone time and feel like most of my free time away from work is devoted to being with him. He wants a lot more. I don't know how to keep us both happy. Any suggestions or ideas?