Help a sister out!
August 28, 2012 11:44 AM Subscribe
How do I make my much younger half-sibling a part of my life? Last week, I found out that my dad's wife is pregnant and due in December. I am 24. Aside from being pretty weirded out, I'm worried that my half-sister will never know who I am. Beanplating inside.
posted by easy, lucky, free to human relations (26 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I found out via an email from my father with the subject line "Surprise!" which is so perfectly maladroit that I think it's hilarious. I will say that I'm excited to have another sister and I really hope that we can be part of each other's lives. I'm trying not to freak out that when she's my age I'll be almost 50 and oh Jesus my dad must have done it, but you know. Weird.
First (and this one should be easy), they live in Germany. Obviously there's Skype and stuff so I'm not too worried about this part, but suggestions are welcome.
Now, allow me to stretch out on the AskMeFi psychoanalysis couch.
My parents divorced about 12 years ago. My dad moved overseas, remarried, and we pretty much didn't hear from him until a few years ago. In the meantime, my mom became a raging alcoholic with all the fun trappings, and I pretty much raised myself. My dad and I have email contact now. I suspect that he's just better at relating to adult kids than he was at childrearing, plus we share a lot of interests so it's easy for him to send me chatty emails a few times a week. My mom is super overbearing, so on some level, I understand his desire to just get out, even if it meant having little subsequent contact with his kids. I do not excuse his behavior, but I forgave him a long time ago and am comfortable with his role in my life, however limited.
My younger sister, 21, is pissed about this. She doesn't have contact with my father by choice and found out about the baby secondhand. She's immature for her age, and I think she sees this as his attempt to replace her. She's still very angry at both of our parents, which is understandable, but I think that she'll view any attempts to know the baby on my part as a personal affront. I'm not sure what to do about this, because I think that she honestly believes that if I love the baby, it must mean that I have less love for her.
Finally, is there a diplomatic way for me to tell my dad that I hope he mans up and sticks around to raise this one? I would really hate to see history repeat itself.
Thanks for any and all advice.