How to get sense of humour back?

August 23, 2012 8:37 PM

I feel like I am losing my sense of humour and am Lady Serious so much of the time. How do I get it back?

Without going into too much detail:

1. Friends are mostly partnered up and popping out babies (love babies) and preoccupied with baby development (great, cute, love it, maybe not 24/7 though). Don't get to see friends as much, no more goofing off regularly.
2. Work life is not amazing, slightly blue about that, but working hard to make it better. Not much potential for funny. Am a freelancer so it's not like I have a regular work crew.
3. Had life upheaval involving breakup (amicable) with partner of over 10years. He was hilarious, we would goof off like crazy, until times got hard and we called it quits. Miss that part of us terribly.
4. New partner who is awesome, but not naturally a riffer or a goofer. He's picking things up slowly though, and is a real cool dude, ambitious and driven and sweet. He doesn't pun. He just doesn't make me laugh like old partner did, but people are always going to be different, no? And building up that kind of rapport takes, well, 10 years.
5. Am a bit depressed, unfortunately back on medication for it for the past 6weeks, still slightly blue but still feel grateful for the things that are good. I just can't laugh with the wild abandon I once did. I do still find things funny and I can laugh. I just miss capital L laughter, I miss it, I miss it.

Once upon a time I was the funny one and I feel like I've lost that part of me. What options do I have for getting it back? I'm much more in touch with other things about myself that I'm grateful for, thanks in part to an excellent therapist, but the result overall is that I feel a lot more grave about things, life, just STUFF.

Thank you. I'm ready for tough love but please don't pile on me.

posted by scuza to health & fitness (15 answers total)

Is there any volunteer or other time you can spend with kids? I do volunteer tutoring and the kids always crack me up since they have a crazy way of looking at the world sometimes. And I'm not all preoccupied with babies or anything (very much the opposite).

I like to look for silly things when I'm feeling unhappy/too serious. One time I wound up in Barnes and Noble in tears and I started reading Calvin & Hobbes until I laughed again. Richard Lederer's Anguished English is good for that sort of thing too.
posted by mlle valentine at 8:40 PM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Is it horrible of me that I want to tell you to have an Ab Fab marathon and eat ice cream and drink too much? Because that's what I would tell one of my girlfriends in your shoes.

Seriously, watch the one where they go to Morocco. There's this moment with an airport luggage conveyor belt that's just... oh. Also the one where they go wine tasting and drink All Of The Wine.
posted by Sara C. at 8:42 PM on August 23, 2012 [8 favorites]

I have totally been there (early twenties life transition kind of turned my world upside down) and am in fact still sort of there, and it blows. My recommendation is to try to meet new people. I got my groove back for awhile when I made new friends at college and was able to meet and hang out with people I really admired for their wit and sense of fun. When I met someone like that we tended to click right away, because we were kind of screw-offs. My best friends (who also happen to be my funniest friends) have also either moved away or started having babies, and I'm really not at that place right now, so I totally understand your sense of loss. I've found that when I'm lonely, I tend to get pretty serious-- I still watch comedies and laugh at things to myself, but it's the "goofing off" that's really important-- the social component. So keep getting out there and try to meet new folks, if you can.
posted by stoneandstar at 8:55 PM on August 23, 2012

Also I know that people will take exception to this because there are plenty of counterexamples, but I'd say that about 75% of the funniest people I know are really unambitious in the conventional sense. Like, working at McDonald's or going to community college or whatever, but totally secure about it. I may sound like a dick, but there's something about hanging out with them and not doing anything fancy and expensive (like going to a nice restaurant or drinking microbrews) but still having 10x as much fun as when I'm doing it up on the town that reminds me to not get so wrapped up in my insecurities about achievement that I hate myself and my actual day-to-day life. I think that part of it is that these people tend to have a much more imaginative idea of success, because they're pretty creative and they're independent thinkers. Sometimes I let things become really important to me only to realize that I don't personally value them, they've just expanded to fill a vacuum. And these are usually the kind of things that are antithetical to goofing off. Just thoughts.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:05 PM on August 23, 2012 [9 favorites]

Watch Adventure Time and Invader Zim!
posted by fullerenedream at 11:47 PM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh I feel for you, I've had times like these, luckily I am surrounded by friends who love what you guys call 'goofing around' and well luckily they also provide good recommendations in terms of tv series to watch for an instant pick me up effect. This will be one of those things where personal tastes vary a lot and you never know, but I find tv comedy, even more than comedy films, is a good source to cheer you up even when you're on your own. And who knows if you watch some of it with your partner it may be a way to start to bring out his own goofing side too.

Maybe you can tell us what sort of thing you like already in terms of comedy in cinema and tv? so you'd get better recommendations.

For instance, I recently got through two weeks of pretty much lying in bed icing my leg after knee surgery, during a bit of a lonely difficult time for other reasons too, thanks to watching a LOT of British tv comedy stuff, from series to quiz shows. I discovered The Mighty Boosh and that was better than pain medication and antidepressants combined. Really, they should show that stuff in hospitals. Then there was always some episode of the Graham Norton show and Never Mind the Buzzcocks, just basically looking up everything connected on youtube.

A fun part was also sharing the hilarity moments on the internet or messaging with friends who'd recommended that stuff to me. Some of them live in other countries so couldn't come visit me personally but that was a good substitute. Sometimes we timed it so we'd watch episodes together and then keep skype/facebook chat or whatsapp open for the live commentary. I know, like teenagers but so what, it's fun. If you have someone to do that with, that's a nice enhancement to the experience of watching comedy to feel better when you're a bit depressed and life feels too heavy and grave and hard to face.

I find for what works best in this sense for me during those phases is actually a mix of watching depressing but good movies/tv drama, for the cathartic effect, or just because really intense stuff can work similarly to distract you, and comedy for the laughs and learning to taking things more light-heartedly again. It's good to keep that muscle exercised.

(And one thing: why would anyone want to pile on you or give you "tough love" for this, dear souza? don't even think like that! it's a perfectly legitimate healthy need after going through difficult times. Be kind to yourself. It gets better.)

I'd say that about 75% of the funniest people I know are really unambitious in the conventional sense. Like, working at McDonald's or going to community college or whatever, but totally secure about it.

Ha yes, I know what you mean. My wingman, well wingwoman, for this kind of thing never got a chance to finish school and works very stressful shifts at a supermarket, and she's one of people with the funniest and cleverest sense of humour I can think of, in that unambitious unassuming "I don't care what people think" kind of way. It's all so spontaneous, there are no pretensions to uphold and no self-important title or position, sometimes people who have studied a lot or care a bit too much about their career get a little bit too serious about everything. (Of course it's also character... another common friend who has a similar 'goofy' sense of humour and is also a great source for comedy stuff to watch is going through her masters after two degrees, in the humanities area, very intellectual stuff, where people tend to be very very serious and self-important, but she is also not at all pretentious or ambitious in the typical sense of the word.)
posted by bitteschoen at 1:07 AM on August 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

You know what helps me? Finding humour in the most mundane or even sad situations and writing about them in my journal. It's just little things, like some commuter dribbling while he is asleep on the train, or embarrassing myself in front of crush (like I said, mundane and sad!) but when you don't have anyone to bounce off, you can write it down and sort of see the humour in it and it gets that much better. I have kept a journal since I was twelve and I haven't had the happiest life but finding the humour in little things has kept me sane all this while.

Journalling is also good for general self-therapy and reflecting on stuff and I feel like you might benefit from that because you're feeling blue as well.

And yes, watch funny stuff and read funny books and expose yourself to humour and you will find your sense of humour start to reawaken. My recommendation would be British panel shows like Mock the Week and QI.
posted by Ziggy500 at 2:27 AM on August 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

Seconding using your journal. When I'm really down, I do a joy sadhana, and for some reason that's really helpful.
posted by spunweb at 2:36 AM on August 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

I agree with mlle valentine's suggestion of seeking out silly things. Even though I've read it all, Hyperbole and a Half makes me laugh like a maniac every time. Also, Damn You Autocorrect often makes me laugh so hard I cry.

If you have Netflix, maybe you and your partner could watch a new series together - Better Off Ted and How I Met Your Mother come to mind.

As far as writing in a journal, if you don't have anything recently funny or silly to write about, you could write about your most hilarious moments from your past.
posted by youngergirl44 at 5:48 AM on August 24, 2012

In terms of "goofing off" with your partner, I've definitely noticed that as we've watched more comedies and listened to the same podcasts and audiobooks together, my partner and I have senses of humor that are much more in sync.
posted by lillygog at 6:00 AM on August 24, 2012

Can you do some online "goofing off" with your married/parent friends? I have a couple friends who are mothers, and while I don't get to see them in person very often, we have a lot of fun posting funny comments to each other on Facebook.
posted by bluefly at 6:10 AM on August 24, 2012

Drama classes, particularly improv, are good for giving you a chance to play and have fun if it's not happening spontaneously. Or try a few different kinds of Meetup groups which offer the chance for informal interaction (knitting circle? language cafe?) and see if you hit on a group of people who share your sense of humour - that chemistry's just a matter of chance, really.

Also... I don't know that I'd even take this suggestion myself, but if you really want a fix of the feelgood, you could try laughter yoga.

I once got sent to go to a class so I could write about it for the newspaper I worked for. It was a class of people who start out doing various games/wordplay etc, and pretending to laugh at each other. The idea is that laughter is so infectious that even if it's pretend to start with, you all pretty soon start actually laughing. My class was so small that we never really got beyond the slightly strained pretend laughter. I found it so incredibly awkward that I had to insist that our photographer left the room because I was embarrassed to have someone I knew see me doing it.

And yet, when I walked away at the end, I felt absolutely incredible - exactly as if I'd had one of those days with friends where you laugh until you're exhausted, incredibly happy and smiley right the way through. I couldn't believe it. Didn't go back though :/
posted by penguin pie at 11:50 AM on August 24, 2012

You guys, thank you.

If you're still reading, I'd appreciate TV suggestions, but warn you that I've pretty much watched everything. Community is my fave. I'm watching In The Loop at the moment (have watched Veep).

Actually I really like the idea of volunteering for something with kids, here at home the Sydney Story Factory has opened up (based on Valencia 826) and are looking for tutors so I'm going to give that a go. I used to work for an after school care place many years ago and kids are just amazing, funny creatures. Except when they are evil, some of them are. I've watched The Good Son.

Ditto journalling. I'm not gutsy enough for improv but I've thought about doing that a lot over the years, maybe now's the time.

I think I am just getting older and miss my homies and have dipped a toe into the area of blueness where you're not sure if that's just the new normal. The practical suggestions are really helpful and doable and very much appreciated.

x
posted by scuza at 6:17 AM on August 25, 2012

FWIW, the improv thing I went to was a beginners' workshop, really simple, fun stuff and most people were new to it. It was just a class, so no audience to perform in front of (though there was an option to do a quick slot at the show of an existing troupe at the end of the term for anyone who wanted to).

Good luck whatever you choose - I think these things are cyclical, so I'm sure the giggles haven't gone for good, they'll be back when you meet the right people to laugh with.
posted by penguin pie at 4:25 PM on August 25, 2012

Enjoy the Story Factory!

TVwise, I laugh and laugh when I watch Bored to Death--a lot of the humor is pretty New York-based, though, not sure how the humor would translate to people who don't live here. My sister showed me some of How I Met Your Mother which was also pretty funny. And so is 30 Rock (a NY trifecta!).
posted by mlle valentine at 7:11 PM on August 26, 2012