lovestory

August 23, 2012 8:34 AM

(re)met the daughter of a family friend last weekend at a wedding. We hadn't seen each other since we were 6 or 7 and she is two years younger than I am. The challenge--spent three hours together, live 600 miles apart, and I can't stop thinking about her. A few more details, but the question is "How can I see if this has potential to go somewhere?"

I'm mid 20s, for reference.

We've become facebook friends and I sent her a message just mentioning how it was great to see her and her family. She replied two days ago. I replied several hour later, but no response from her.

I followed up my initial message with a more direct statement of wanting to see her again, somewhere/somehow. It didn't read as desparate, I think.

Do I wait this out? I feel like I'd be pretty upset with myself to let this go too many days weeks longer. I'd like to just chat with her on the phone and get to catch up more, but how do you get to that awkward stage?

Any thoughts or reassurances?

posted by anonymous to human relations (13 answers total)

If she's not responding to you then yes, you wait it out, accepting that the answer may be "that sounds great" or "sorry, not interested" or no answer at all. Anything other than waiting it out will read as... not the way you want to be read.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:36 AM on August 23, 2012 [13 favorites]

Do your respective families live in the same city? Do you both travel home for the holidays. Or, if you live in the same city as everyone else but she lives far away, does she have plans to visit home anytime soon?

Planning something around "next time you're in town" sounds like your best bet, here.

Or, likewise, if life takes you near where she currently lives. But I wouldn't schedule a special trip. That's a lot for a crush based on a three hour chance meeting.
posted by Sara C. at 8:38 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wait it out, is all you should do I'm afraid. Especially if, as you say, you've sent a more direct follow-up. She's heard you. So let her answer. Or not, as the case may be, but that is still actually an answer.
posted by miles1972 at 8:46 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Of course you wait it out--what else could you do, hound after her on facebook until she's forced to reply?

Play it cool, man. You may not feel cool, but focusing on yourself and your own life is the best thing you can possibly do.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:51 AM on August 23, 2012 [9 favorites]

You've contacted her twice consecutively. Wait for her to respond. If she doesn't respond she's not interested.

Basically, the next contact needs to come from her. If it doesn't come, then let it drop.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:07 AM on August 23, 2012 [7 favorites]

Three hour meeting for the first time in 20 years and a burning desire to immediately meet someone 600 miles away? You need to SLOW. YOUR. ROLL. man.

If she's interested, she'll reply, and if she isn't interested, picking up the phone is going to make things a heck of a lot more awkward quickly.
posted by Rodrigo Lamaitre at 9:09 AM on August 23, 2012 [10 favorites]

If she doesn't respond enthusiastically to the suggestion that you find a way to get together then she's not feeling what you're feeling and at a 600 mile divide the chances of anything happening are vanishingly small. So unless she meets you halfway on these introductory passes I'd say there's really no reason not to let it go. If she doesn't positively affirm the possibility of getting together but doesn't explicitly demure and you still want to exhaust the possibility give or reiterate your phone number in your next response and tell her to give you a call some time if she feels like it. If she doesn't pick this offer up that's it. Don't call her without an invitation.
posted by nanojath at 9:30 AM on August 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

In the meantime why not go on to netflix and watch Swingers, to remind yourself not to be that guy.
posted by biffa at 9:48 AM on August 23, 2012 [6 favorites]

What - have phones finally stopped working? Why not invite her to call you, or just call her? You can both tell a lot more about the relationship by hearing voices (assuming you're not bad at phone calls).
posted by amtho at 10:09 AM on August 23, 2012

In addition to what Rodrigo Lamaitre said, I think you might have done this in the wrong order. Facebook message 1 was fine, but the "direct statement of wanting to see her again, somewhere/somehow" may have put her off, althogh I'm not sure how you phrased it, but it sounds like you might have rushed it.

The next contact needs to come from her. Wait it out.
posted by sm1tten at 10:13 AM on August 23, 2012

Do not send another message. That has the added risk of taking you from zero to creeper in the amount of time it takes her to read to the message.

I understand that need to know. I think most of us do. Best of luck.
posted by futureisunwritten at 11:26 AM on August 23, 2012

I'd be pretty upset with myself to let this go too many days weeks longer.

The course this takes is entirely out of your hands at this point (unless/until she contacts you and expresses interest.) The ball is very firmly in her court and you're not letting anything go by not contacting her again. Contacting her again will not make her more interested in you.
posted by needs more cowbell at 12:23 PM on August 23, 2012 [3 favorites]

Hang tight, and wait. It's up to her right now.

Radio silence means nothing at this point, so don't panic.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:22 PM on August 23, 2012 [2 favorites]