Woman or Man? Guess or Known quantity?
August 21, 2012 10:50 PM Subscribe
I am dating a guy because I am a dumbshit.
Now I have met a wonderful girl. I don't know what to do.
posted by Hey nonny nonny mouse to Human Relations (32 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I have been dating this guy for a while now. We broke up then got back together. He is completely devoted to me. He loves me with all his heart. We have discussed the fact I do not ever want to get married to him or have children with him and he still wants to be with me for now (his words). I do love him, but not enough for that. I hold reservations because of my lack of experience with women. I broke up with him for a short period of time and it was agony (for me as well as him). We got back together as a result. He began our relationship as a bit of a man-child but has made innumerable changes to himself and our interactions because he loves me and respects my complaints and wants us to be happy together. I appreciate this; he is night and day compared to who he used to be. He has worked hard and many people would not have the inner strength to work as hard on himself as he has. The fact he has done it for me is very humbling.
I met a girl. We connect closely and she's so smart and funny and gorgeous. I do not have illusions that she is The One. But I have never connected with another woman the way I have with her, and I am terrible when it comes to flirting with women so this is a big deal for me. She doesn't know I'm with a guy. He doesn't know I met her. Yes, I am a shitbird. This is very early on. Not even a proper date with her. Nothing physical. She wants me and has made it clear. I want her. I should break up with him, correct? If I don't then I should come clean to her? I can't convince myself to. The last time we broke up he was in so much pain I couldn't go through with it for long. He does make me happy. I have struggled with trust problems all my life and I know I can trust him. He is safe. Completely safe. It is nigh-impossible for me to trust people and believe they are safe; my perception of his "safety" should not be overlooked. But she is something I have never experienced before with a woman and have wanted since I accepted I was interested in women.
I am confused. I do not know what would be the best route here. I can trust him! But she represents the opportunity to finally establish a relationship with a woman and this is something I have wanted for over a decade. I cry when I think about leaving him. I ache thinking about giving her up. I feel like a silly child. How do I work through this?
(I am in therapy)