FWIW, I'm the anon from this question
. Still struggling with the same issues and looking for encouragement/advice/relevant experiences, or any other input.
It's hard to know exactly how to explain what happened, but I'll try here:
I started taking a mood stabilizing med this spring, and while on it, I felt emotionless, so I decreased the dose. I then took a dip in mood, reinstated the original dose, and then struggled with pretty severe sleeping problems. My mood didn't recover, and I also started feeling really slow cognitively and really flat emotionally. I took a "sedating antidepressant" in combination with the mood stabilizer, with the goal of improving sleep and mood, but with no real luck. Throughout June, I slept terribly, and had an especially bad couple of nights of sleep in combination with the two meds, and I woke up one day to feel that my inner landscape of thoughts was *missing*. My pdoc added Prozac in July, but this didn't help-- I continued to feel like my inner self (thoughts, personality, emotions) had been surgically removed, and I was left with a verbal but empty husk of myself.
I gave it a month, and then started weaning off both the Prozac and the mood stabilizer. I finished tapering off a week and a half ago. I noticed a *slight* positive change last week (felt calm and positive for a few days), but my intellectual strength, ambition, emotions, and formerly enthusiastic, happy personality are still missing. My close friends notice that I can't make witty remarks, and I feel like my brain is still wrapped in thick, thick gauze.
My pdoc is flummoxed and thinks I'm suffering from depression. But I don't feel depressed per se. When I look at the neuroscience literature, it seems like my issues are consistent with frontal lobe problems-- but I'm wondering, how did this happen? And if one has a frontal lobe injury, how can it be repaired? Or did med changes or extensive sleep deprivation cause permanent changes? FWIW I'm also taking CoQ10, fish oil, ginseng, and B vitamins. I'm trying craniosacral therapy next week, and I see a therapist every week.
Any input from anyone with special knowledge or who's had a similar experience would be really appreciated. I'm starting to worry that I'm not going to regain the self I've always known, and that I'm going to have to give up my lifelong dreams and be stuck with this slow, ambitionless, emotionless self. I don't want to countenance it, but I fear that my old self is just not coming back. I haven't heard of people completely losing their entire self and not getting it back, but I'm afraid that is what is happening to me. :(