Two Years Too Late Apology
August 15, 2012 9:39 PM Subscribe
How to go about sending an apology after two years of no contact with a former friend? Snowflake!
posted by gregoryg to human relations (19 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
A little over two years ago a friend and I had a falling out. We'd been friends for about 8 years before that, since middle school. I had moved to a new city at the time and was feeling very insecure and anxious, likely rightly so as I moved to the city without much of a plan, clear career path, or savings. Needless to say, I wasn't in the most emotionally clear period in my post-college 20s.
The details are complicated and slightly too specific to get into for anonymity's sake, but I was living with him when I first got to the city and a small misunderstanding on both of our parts eventually led to a head where I displayed a massive lack of perspective and had severe communication issues. I was also good friends with his girlfriend at the time, who is now his fiance, more or less. The situation blew up and never got resolved, and it wasn't until a year after the fact that I started to realize how at fault I was.
I had been wanting to apologize for quite some time, but never actually have because my assessment of the situation led me to believe that it was too late and they might be dismissive of an apology from me. Recently a mutual friend in from out of town told me in as many words that she had talked to the guy and at the very least he had implied that he would be receptive to and might actually actively want an apology from me. Another mutual friend was in town a while back and while at dinner with them asked them offhand if they had talked to me recently. They said no, and the girl referenced with scorn an event where I showed little tact, which I had immediately regretted at the time.
Due to the mutual friend's presence in town, I ran into them at a social event with other friends this week and had a very standard, yet only slightly awkward catching up conversation with the guy for a few minutes. I got a very cold reaction from the girl when I waved to her. A few minutes later they left and I didn't have the opportunity to apologize in person.
Now I'm attempting to draft an e-mail to send to him and I'm not exactly sure what I should put into it. I'm wondering if anybody has had an experience with a similar belated apology from either side, and what worked and what didn't. My goal at this point is is somewhat catharsis from guilt, but moreso I would like them to know that I genuinely don't blame them for anything that happened during that time and that I put it all on my shoulders. I would also like to do this without it sounding like an over-the-top confessional.
This seems like it could be ground that I should tread lightly and I'd appreciate further perspective.