To resuscitate or not to resuscitate
August 15, 2012 8:41 AM Subscribe
How do you reconcile end-of-life decisions with your partner?
posted by thrasher to human relations (26 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Impending surgery made me realize that my will, living trust, advanced healthcare directive, power of attorney, etc are extremely out of date, naming a husband I no longer have and family members with whom I am no longer in contact.
In the process of updating these documents, I learned that my partner, a self-described hardcore skeptic and conspiracy theorist, thinks that organ donation and "do not resuscitate" instructions are very bad ideas. His view is that if you agree to donate your organs, you are more valuable dead than alive and they won't work as hard to save you or will tell you things are worse than they truly are so they can have your parts. He also feels that medical staff is already more inclined to go with DNR these days, that they don't need an invitation and encouragement to do so, and they should be instructed to work harder to save you, not the opposite.
I disagree with his views on both of these things, preferring to hope for the best from people in the medical field rather than assuming the worst. We agree that there is still a lot of discussion to be had on these topics, and I feel we may be able to come to some common ground if we hash out some specific circumstances...
...but in the meantime, I still need to update these documents ASAP. I had intended to list him as the one to make decisions in the event that I am incapacitated. Now I'm in a quandary.
He says because we love each other, we should trust each other to act in each others best interest. I tend to agree with this, but still.
We can't be the first couple who have had opposing views on these things - if you're in this situation, how did you work it out?