I need a time machine
August 14, 2012 5:04 PM Subscribe
A little more than a month ago, I started a full-time telecommuting job that I thought was my dream job. When I took it, I was working part-time (and had been since my son was born two years ago). This is my first full-time job since becoming a mom. I now think I made a big mistake.
posted by trillian to work & money (21 answers total)
Sorry if this is disjointed/disorganized. My mind is reeling.
So, the job itself is fine, but I realized I don't like working at home -- it's very lonely and it's hard to concentrate. (This is not a surprise -- I had already had problems concentrating at non-work-at-home jobs in the past.)
It also feels wrong and is upsetting to me that I don't see my son from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. (I know, I know, that's an unavoidable fact for many families.) It was a kind of sudden decision for me to work full time -- before I even had my son I had been planning to work part time after he was born, and stay that way through his childhood.
I liked my part-time job a lot, but of course it had its negatives and "issues," just like all jobs. They had been bugging me this spring, but it felt bittersweet leaving, and my boss was shocked that I left. But I was excited about my new job.
This morning was a turning point, though. A friend of mine said that she got an interview for my old job (so I learned it's still open) and I thought, "Wait a minute, that's MY job. Shit, why did I leave?!!" This friend currently works full time and has two kids, and I felt instantly jealous that she was going to be working part time and spending more time with her kids, AND maybe with MY job. (I was the first person to have the position, so that's partly why I feel that way.) My boss said today that she would "take me back any day," and I am so tempted to quit my current job and ask if she'd take me back for real.
I have been upset on and off all day about this and wishing I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and reverse this decision (which I truly agonized over at the time). I haven't talked to my husband yet -- I'm doing that after I write this.
-I've only been working there a month + one week. I know I'll leave the organization in a lurch and they will be mad at me. However, if I stick it out for a year, I would probably not be able to get my old job back; this is my one chance to do that. Also, wouldn't it be better to quit now, because maybe they could offer the job to their second-choice candidate...? I hate making people mad, so quitting is kind of terrifying.
-I would go back to my old salary, which is much less than I'm making now. (I do get good raises every year.) I would just have to budget better than before, I guess.
-Since I work at home, I've already purchased a printer and other office supplies with my employer's money. I don't know what would happen with that if I quit now. I've signed up for benefits but health insurance doesn't start till Sept. 1.
-My son starts Montessori school in one month. I don't know if tuition we've already paid is refundable ($1,000) or if we'd have to pay even more money if we canceled.
-I bought (and got reimbursed for) a $500 plane ticket for a conference this fall. It's nonrefundable. (Crap.)
I'm so torn. Should I just stick it out for one year and then quit and try to find a part-time job here? There are very few communications jobs in my hometown, though, and I don't know if I could find something good. That's why I'm tempted to quit now so that I could (likely) get my old job back.
Or maybe I'm just over-emotional because I'm missing my son when I'm working and feeling guilty about not seeing him much.
Please help me make some sense of this situation. I'm just kinda going crazy today.