I wasn't invited to my friends' baby shower. Was I snubbed, or is this just the way things are done in Babyshowerland?
August 14, 2012 6:48 AM Subscribe
I wasn't invited to my friends' baby shower. Was I snubbed, or is this just the way things are done in Babyshowerland? Flurries inside.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (54 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I have a friend who is currently pregnant. We have known each other for over ten years, but have become better friends in the last three years or so. We live about 3 hours away from each other (but lived closer in the past). Because of the distance, our visits are usually "weekend visits" in which she and her husband will come visit my fiancee and myself and stay overnight, and vice versa. We have gone on several vacations together, and always have a great time. The two of them are now expecting their first child.
I was at their house last weekend and inadvertently saw an invite for her baby shower. It was for the next weekend! She saw me looking at it and said, "Oh! I, uh, thought you wouldn't be interested in coming. You can come if you want! I completely forgot. It's next weekend, don't feel obligated." In other words, she was obviously flustered and didn't intend for me to either be at her shower or to see the invitation.
Mefites, I'm kind of heartbroken over this. I thought that we were really good friends - certainly the sort of friends that would invite each other to their Big Life Events. I haven't really put together my wedding attendant list, but she was on my mental list to be a bridesmaid. Now I wonder if I completely misread how good of friends we really are.
I tried to talk to her about it, and there was even more backtracking and excuse-making on her part. It was obviously uncomfortable for both of us so when we were interrupted by something (I think the phone rang) the conversation ended and neither of us brought it up again.
My fiancee tried to console me by saying that maybe the shower was family-only, and that's why I wasn't invited. But if that were so, why didn't she just say that instead of backtracking all over the place? Also, he asked my why the heck I want to hang out with a bunch of ladies and coo over onesies and play stupid baby games. Alright, I have to admit that this is not high on my list of how to spend a weekend day. But I would have gone and played stupid baby games for her, because she's my friend and I'm really happy for her.
Well, the shower is a moot point because I can't go anyway, I have plans next weekend that involve non-refundable tickets. I had already started on her baby gift (I'm making something for the baby's room) and plan to continue making it, but feel kind of hollow about it now. Is it weird to craft a handmade gift (involving a lot of time and skill) if I wasn't even invited to the shower?
I've been to showers that are friends-and-family and I've been to work showers. Are family-only showers a thing?
Also, how should I move forward with my friend? Do I try to talk about it with her again, or just let it be? Does it sound like I have a different idea of how good friends we are than she does? I kind of figured that people usually only go on vacations with each other (and house each other at their homes) if they're really good friends.