How should I act when I think that we might break up?
August 10, 2012 2:24 PM Subscribe
How should one act in a relationship when you are thinking of breaking up with them?
posted by anonymous to human relations (10 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I'm struggling with understanding how to act in my relationship when I'm not 100% certain that I want it to continue.
On one hand, I do love my partner. In a lot of ways, they're incredibly awesome, and if it were as simple as that, then I wouldn't be thinking about breaking up with them.
On the other hand, due to a number of factors (at the heart, a family history of emotional abuse), our relationship doesn't always work, and I don't know always if I can really keep this relationship going.
I know that communication is important, and I should stress that we have spoken many times about our problems. In particular, they are working a lot at trying to fix themselves (therapy, etc.), and in some ways, things have got much better---at least, the severity of our problems has decreased, and I have to say that it does leave me with hope.
But once in a while I don't feel so hopeful. And in those times when I don't know if we can go on, I don't know what to do. On one hand, I feel awkward when people ask me how the relationship is going, and on the other hand I don't want to lie to my friends.
And with respect to my partner, I don't want them to worry if my current feelings about the relationship are going to pass, but I also don't want to one day just spring it upon them after reassuring them that everything is fine, that it's over.
I know that communication is important, and as I said, we do communicate well about our problems. But I don't know how to address this, nor even whether or not I should. I don't want to abandon them at some point in the future, but I also don't want to subject them to somewhat periodic worries that I might put them through.
So my questions are as follows.
(easier): What do I say about this when talking with friends?
(harder): What do I say to my partner during the times that I'm not feeling so hot about the relationship?