Is it possible to get through a hard time in a relationship?
August 8, 2012 3:19 PM Subscribe
Tell me about how you worked through a difficult period of your relationship and had it turn out well.
posted by anonymous to human relations (27 answers total) 50 users marked this as a favorite
My husband and I are going through an extremely difficult stretch of our marriage. Neither of us particularly wants to leave the other, but we are both questioning whether we *ought* to. We've been dealing with this for going on six months now, and it's been about that long since our relationship felt joyful -- which is long enough for both of us to question whether it ever can be again.
Basically, it's a combination of dealing with his severe and my mild mental health issues, and a fear we both have that we're "settling" -- we've both been in relationships with far more passion than he and I have ever had for each other, which we've long acknowledged. But we love each other deeply; we count each other as best friends; we each support and value the other's personal growth; when we put the effort in, our sex is good; we are building a really good life and enjoy raising our child together. We don't feel like couples counseling would help, because we communicate rather spectacularly well. But things have been REALLY hard for months, and we're exhausted and sad.
He's seeing a therapist; we can't really afford for both of us to, and my issues are significantly better than his. I'm working through "Feeling Good," as CBT has helped me in the past. We go running and eat well. Both of us suck at sleep.
Complications: I just had a miscarriage; we have a young child.
Other complication: Several of our friends' relationships of similar lengths (6-7 years) have fallen apart in the last month. These were people who everyone thought were doing well and were going to get married/stay together for a very long time. This is definitely skewing our perspectives.
We don't have many friends who have been together longer than we have, and we don't feel comfortable talking to any of our parents about this. What I want to know is: have you been through a period this difficult in a relationship and worked through it, to the ultimate betterment of the relationship? Is this even a possibility?
I'm looking mostly for personal stories. Obviously no one on Metafilter can decide for us whether our relationship is worth staying in. But, all our examples of people in long-long-term relationships are of people who really should split up (his parents), or have squashed their problems rather than addressing them (mine). Can you provide us with some positive examples? What resources helped you through your difficult time?