How to have a healthy lifestyle in my relationship?
August 2, 2012 10:57 PM Subscribe
How can I create a healthy lifestyle in my relationship? Also, how can I support my boyfriend’s weight loss? Is this possible? We are in our mid-to-late-twenties, he is a few years older than I am.
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (23 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
A bunch of background, since this is anonymous:
My boyfriend is significantly overweight or obese: an inch or two over 6 feet tall and weighs 280 lbs. His weight is mostly fat, not muscle. I have never had a problem with my weight. I am thin and have a "model-body." I have had some health problems (and there have been many health issues in my family) that have required me to be religious about and sacrifice for my body from childhood on, but never weight issues. I grew up in a family that prioritized eating healthily, and he did not.
When we first met a few years ago, he was active, working out and losing weight. Then I went to travel abroad for the better part of a year. He stopped at some point while I was traveling but said it was temporary. After I returned, we began dating. We had conversations about being healthy and what we wanted in life. He said he wanted to lead an active life, work out, and lose weight, but his actions from that point on completely contradicted this. He ate out every meal and gained 60+ lbs in less than a year to over 300 at his highest. After a year, I grew unhappy in the relationship. We broke up because I did not like our life together, and it didn’t seem like we had the same values. He was inconsiderate and self-centered at times, and that he wasn’t motivated to live any sort of active life while telling me that’s what he wanted was a huge contributing factor. If he wants to live an unhealthy and not active life, then it is not for me to judge, but it is not what I want in my life. It was extremely painful for me because other than those issues we get along well and he has a great heart. He was devastated.
However, after we broke up he immediately started eating healthy and working out 5x a week, for 6 months straight. He apologized for specific behaviors during our relationship. Honestly, it was shocking. I was so happy for him and we eventually got back together because it felt like a new beginning. He lost 30 lbs. Less than a month after we got together, he stopped working out and eating healthily. The weight loss stopped as well. This was six months ago.
Which brings me to where we are now: we have a mostly great relationship other than these issues which is why we are together. I am in love with him and we get along really well. We discuss most of our issues and have good communication, but this is a sensitive subject for him. I view this as a lifestyle compatibility issue, health issue, and personal hygiene issue. I have been resentful at times that I am taking care of myself while he is not.
With this background, How do I support his health and weight goals? I can’t do his exercises of choice with him (lifting weights, running) but I could do a bodyweight program. I already walk for about 5 miles a day total. Again, I am very thin and have better endurance than he does. I don’t want this to end up being a deal-breaker again. I really love him and want to have a healthy life together. This has never been a problem in any of my previous relationships. I have already tried tracking all my food in an iPhone app with him (didn’t seem to help), suggesting we cook more meals (happens sometimes but then he will eat a pint of ice cream which I didn’t want to buy), making a calendar to highlight "good days" for the both of us (nothing gets highlighted). He doesn’t play sports and prefers video games.
I know his friends have told him that I am "out of his league" physically, which is not something I would EVER say or think. He is very attractive to me, and the chemistry is there.
ANY advice that would answer the questions would be appreciated - health, relationship, weight loss, personal anecdotes, resources etc. I am at a total loss and have no idea how to handle this situation. I know he wants to be more in shape for himself, and I know that he doesn’t want our relationship to fall apart again, but… I don’t know where to go from here. Thank you in advance.