Is it assumptive for me to bring up a DTR at this point in our lovey-dovey friendship?
I'm in a real weird (as far as I see it) situation right now. I have made an amazing friend this year, we became pretty close friends pretty fast. I basically had a crush on him from the first day I met him. And at some point along the line I fell in love, like this is the one, twin flames, soul mates, I want to have his babies really in love kinda thing.
From the very beginning, I tried to avoid being on the "friend track." Ha, didn't work out super great though. Right now we are sorta like best friends. Well, he is my best friend. Not just currently, but he is honestly the best, and closest friend I have ever had.
A few months ago I made a straight up declaration of love. It was probably an overly gutsy move, but I was glad I did it. His response was pretty funny, basically he hardly responded. We didn't avoid the topic, just acknowledged that it happened and our friendship stayed about exactly the same.
Since then I have made my feelings clear multiple times. My cards are completely on the table and I think he should have no doubt that I'm head over heels into him, and really serious about it. He on the other hand seems to be the master of the ambiguous signal. I know that some will say He's Just Not That Into You, because we didn't like start dating or kissing or something after I delivered him my romantic epistle. But, the thing is, he hasn't sent a bunch of strong "go away" or "I'm repulsed by you" sort of signals.
The other day I was telling the whole story to a friend and she agreed that his picture surely must be in the dictionary next to mixed signals. So some of the positive signals he has sent include inviting me along on a vacation, being very snuggly-huggy (even though we've never kissed or anything - I have kissed him on the cheek). He wants me to go to the same grad school as him, and the other day he said that me, him, and some other friends who will be there should all get a house together. In a lot of ways - and one of my friends even said this - it seems like we kind of already are dating ... sorta.
We don't spend a ton of time hanging out with other people. And whenever we are alone, or just with his family, I feel like we are getting really close. Lately I have felt like there might be something there that wasn't there before.
But then we will hang out with other girls he knows and all of the sudden I feel like everything that I took to mean we were something special is present in their relationships too. I don't think he is asking any of his other friend girls to go to grad school with him, so I guess that's something different. But he takes all of them on dates, I don't know if that's what they'd call them, but I mean doing stuff alone going out, that's a date right? Also he's really physically affectionate with all his friends, so anything about cuddling that made me feel close, I kind of realize isn't any kind of romantic indication that I can count on.
So this past week, I had got to a place where I was like..."It's just a matter of time before we get married. We are so close and have such a magical connection and are going the same place in life." Then at the end of the week we hung out with a couple other girls and I was just totally deflated because I felt really unspecial. I kind of am feeling like Mary Hatch when George Bailey comes over to her house
, and she thinks they had all this magic, playing Buffalo Gals and with her little George lasso's the moon poster - but then she gets real confused and frustrated when he acts uninterested.
So... this brings me to actually asking a question. I am not even expecting anyone to be able to tell me what is going through his head or what's really going on here, (I would be entertained to hear your guesses though). But what I want to know, is if there is anything to loose with just talking to him about this, and asking where things are with "us" as far as he is concerned. I really just want to let him know that I was starting to think there was something developing, but I keep getting mixed signals and my heart is on a bungee cord going back and forth.
If I bring up a DTR like this (I'm not even asking him to make an in or out decision, wait, or I'm not sure yet is ok, I'm not trying to push him into something he doesn't want) and he's not sweet on me, is this going to kill things that may be developing? I was asking my family for advice, and they all think it's a horrible idea to talk it over with him. They think, "he knows that you're in love with him, you told him straight up...If he was crazy about you he would let you know. But he might slowly be falling for you, you just need to give him time and space." They might be right. It may be that he is more of a normal person than me and hasn't fallen all at once, and needs time to develop his feelings one way or another.
But can it really hurt to talk about? I mean, if he is completely uninterested (which actually, I know for a fact that he isn't completely uninterested... maybe in dating or marriage, but there is some level of interest in me... I'm sure.) he sure has been gracious about not getting awkward about my repeated confessions of love. So if I bring this up am I just pushing things, and will I damage our friendship? He has never done anything to directly say that he is interested, or sees me in a romantic way, so it might be a little embarrassing to bring up the status of "us" if we are absolutely nothing in his mind.
Also, an important part of deciding if I should say anything is this: I am almost positive (I know this is all very limerance, oh sure..., kind of thing, but I'm a grown woman and pretty sure of myself when I say this) that he is the only man I will ever love from this point on. I know I can't say that for sure. I can say for sure that it'll be years before I'm even remotely interested in other guys if he does reject me. That being said, the fact that he is this grand true love of my life whether he's into me or not, makes me not want to do anything that would totally kill the affectionate friendship that we have right now, because I would rather have that than lose him completely. But just one more wrench in the monkey works....I would have thought that sending a crazed love letter to a guy whose not into you would be a sure friendship killer, but our relationship has only gotten closer since then, so keep that in mind.
So what would a normal, healthy young adult do in this situation? Say something? Patiently act like you are never jealous of his other female friends and also act like you are in no rush to know his feelings?