Help me find a long-distance partner!
July 30, 2012 8:03 PM Subscribe
How can I find a partner for a very specific kind of long-distance relationship? (Mild kink inside.)
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Backstory: I carried on a very intense LDR (phone/online only, never any face-to-face communication) with one person for the better part of 8 years. This relationship was based in D/s with an M/s slant. Both he and I were married for part of it, with our spouses' partial knowledge of our relationship. We basically let it lapse about 4 years ago when life -- marriage, kids, work, etc. made it too much. I miss this person and think about him a lot.
Present day: My husband, with whom I remain in a committed partnership (we are best friends and business partners, and have no plans to stop living together or raising our kids together -- we really are *together*) and I have decided it's good for me to once again pursue this kind of LDR. I have some very deep emotional needs that are not being met, and my husband and I are in 100% agreement that we each deserve to be happy and fulfilled, and are fine with other people being involved in that fulfillment. (In case it's relevant, my husband is also very deeply immersed into some of his own pursuits at the moment, which do not include me -- these are spiritual/intellectual, not emotional/physical.)
I have reached out to my old "friend" via email but have no idea if I will hear back from him. In the meantime, I'm interested in exploring other options for online/phone companionship. What I'm looking for is this:
- someone with a dominant slant, but with kind of a "natural order"/alpha perspective, *not* someone overly concerned with trappings and labels. In other words, someone who just "is."
- someone who is focused on the mental/emotional aspects of D/s and enslavement: mind control and strong emotional influence is good, bondage and other "external" stuff doesn't really do it for me.
- someone who is either single or in an open relationship, not someone who is going to be sneaking around.
- someone who is truly interested in an intense, ongoing relationship that will almost certainly never lead to 24/7 or any face-to-face contact at all. I want friendship, accountability, and perhaps a sexual element, but I'm not looking for phone sex only.
- someone in the U.S. or Canada, just so they're not in such a different time zone.
- someone smart, creative, discreet and deeply masculine.
I know this is a lot. And I have no idea where to find it. The chat "community" where I met my last friend (Yahoo) is no more, and I've just joined Fetlife and feel overwhelmed -- it looks like a great resource, but I feel lost in a sea of bondage pics and people looking solely for in-person meetups and play.
Any suggestions of where I could explore and hopefully find some like-minded people would be so appreciated.
(If it's helpful, I'm a female, 30s, U.S.-based with knowledge/experience with most elements of BDSM, even Gorean communities but not the roleplaying ones, more the philosophical ones.)
(Also, please take my word for it that this is completely and totally okay with my husband -- we decided this together, in fact it was his suggestion, and we are fine with our marriage not being as traditional as some if it works for us. This seems like a pretty open-minded community, I'm just saying.)