I love you, now here is all my money.
July 27, 2012 12:54 PM Subscribe
Stupidly loaned boyfriend money too early in a relationship; are we doomed?
posted by sunshine37 to Human Relations (46 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been together about a year, I’m 25 (straight female) and he’s 31 (straight male). This is the first serious relationship I have been in. We moved in together after 7 months. We have a very loving and affectionate relationship and love spending time together. He tells me he loves me and makes sure I know how important I am to him on a daily basis. I just feel like we made some irrational decisions early on that are affecting our relationship.
Around 5 months into the relationship, he decided he wanted to start a small, side business and I (stupidly) offered to loan him the money, via opening three 0% interest rate credit cards (dumb, dumb, dumb) because he had no cash (red flag) and horrible credit (red flag). I should note that I am normally very smart with money and never before put any money on a credit card that I couldn’t pay off immediately. But, being deliriously in love clouded my better judgement and what’s done is done. We have only $9k remaining of this $20k debt, with both of us contributing to the payoff. His side business has been doing well, but my regular salary is still a little over 1.5 times what he makes with his regular job and side business, so I have probably contributed much more to this than him. Our everyday spending habits are pretty similar. We combined our money into a joint account (in my name only, because of his credit) a few months ago so any money he owed me is now moot. We also sold an old car of mine, which he was driving for awhile and had paid about 20% of, to get a vehicle primarily to be used for his business, but that we will also use on vacations.
The problem is, I’m starting to resent him because of the money. I know I was the one who made the decision so I don’t know that I have a right to feel so resentful but it is eating me up. I love him and I love our relationship but I feel like until we get this paid off (probably a year from now), it will just eat at me until I am angry at him all the time. Then again, if his business takes off and he starts making enough to pay it off quickly, this probably won’t be an issue.
Aside from this, I’m pretty happy with our day to day lives. Our families are very different and we have differing views on a lot of things, but nothing I feel that can’t be worked out otherwise. I did find out about 4 months ago that he was involved with some very inappropriate facebook messaging/sexting sporadically during the first six months of our relationship. I know that has stopped and and I know he has not cheated on me, but I still have some anxiety about this from time to time.
I don’t want to break up, because I love him and I know he loves me. But, how can I be happy in this relationship?