Loud Talker Talking Loudly

July 26, 2012 7:13 AM

Why do I talk loudly when I'm upset or excited about a topic? And, how do I learn to talk more quietly when passionate or upset about something?

I have always been a loud talker. I come from a family of loud talkers. As a kid, I'd frequently get told to lower my voice. As a young adult, I still frequently get told to lower my voice. My normal volume is just a notch higher than most other people's volumes.

My voice is relatively pleasant, friendly, and polite based on reports from quality analysts at my workplace.

However, I have also been told that I talk loudly by people inside and outside of the office. Sometimes, people have to tell me to turn my volume down a notch which happens when I'm either upset or very excited about something.

I appreciate when people tell me to lower my volume, but at the same time, I want to learn how to do this on my own without others reminding me. There are certain times where I meant for a conversation to be between myself and another person, except my volume control problems basically result in several people hearing what was meant to be a quiet, personal kind of conversation.

My questions are: 1) Why do I talk loudly when I'm upset or excited about a topic? and 2) What are some helpful tips that I can use to control my volume primarily when I'm excited or upset about something?

I do not have a difficult time hearing others, so please omit that from any answers.

Thanks!

posted by livinglearning to human relations (8 answers total)

Rubber band around your wrist. Every time someone tells you you're loud, snap it.
posted by Etrigan at 7:17 AM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

You speak more loudly when you're upset or excited because your brain gets a good shot of adrenaline when you have these emotions. It's a physiological thing, but you can control it.
The rubber band is a good idea, however you can avoid being told to lower the volume if you learn to recognize the way your body feels when you get that shot of adrenaline, then adjust your volume consciously. Pay attention to what you actually feel and to the kinds of stimuli that trigger your excitement and ire.
posted by txmon at 7:24 AM on July 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

Just make a conscious effort to speak more quietly all the time. Just like if you're excited your breathing and heart rate can change...just be aware of it and try to calm yourself down.
posted by bquarters at 7:24 AM on July 26, 2012

One thing to do is try to be aware of people reacting to the increased volume-- not just people in your party, but people in the vicinity.
posted by Sunburnt at 7:29 AM on July 26, 2012

I too am a loud person. I have a post-it on my computer to remind me to keep my voice down.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:34 AM on July 26, 2012

Turn the entire thing around. Learn to recognize how it feels when any of the emotions that usually make you raise your voice kick in. At the very first sign, lower your voice, even before anything else is said or done.
posted by Namlit at 7:35 AM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am like this and so is my youngest son. For me, getting healthier has given me better self control generally which has helped me keep this specific issue more under control as well. If I am on medication, short of sleep, having blood sugar problems, etc, I have much more difficulty with things like this.

My oldest is ASD and not a loud person but when he is out of sorts physically for some reason, then his ASD issues get worse (for example, he will ask me to come with him to run a small errand and do the talking for him because "I can't deal with people right now".) I think it is completely normal for your weak areas to be the first things impacted by any kind of stress or distraction.

I like txmon's answer that adrenaline impacts this specific issue. I had never thought about the specific mechanism but that fits with my experience that being healthier helps. Low blood sugar, allergies and shock all trigger adrenaline. I am prone to all three.
posted by Michele in California at 8:00 AM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

One way to address this issue proactively and with some humor is to wear a volume knob pin, and ask friends and coworkers to assist you in a project to moderate your vocal volume.

A couple of weeks of people around you pointing to your volume knob can help make you aware of the contexts in which you become particularly loud. If you like, you can physically dial down your volume knob when this happens, and later, visualize doing this mentally in the triggering contexts.
posted by DrMew at 11:37 AM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]