I want to be friends with my maid of honour after the wedding is done!
July 23, 2012 11:34 AM Subscribe
What should I do make sure my best friend has the very best experience as my Maid of Honour as possible?
posted by gwenlister to human relations (20 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm getting married next year. My best friend (who is also my cousin) is my maid of honour, and it was never even a question. I'm not having bridesmaids, just her as my maid of honour because she is the closest person to me (apart from my husband-to-be) and she is the only person I want up there with me. She is super excited for me, loves my partner, and is very excited to be involved.
However, her experiences with weddings aren't very positive. This past weekend she was maid-of-honour for a friend of hers, and this past year has been hell for her. The bride was a bit of a terror and totally took her for granted and was demanding to a crazy degree. She basically used her as slave labour and stopped being a friend to her. BUT, as I said, the ceremony was this past weekend so she is done with that (thank god), but I can't help but feel she must be pretty turned off of the whole maid of honour thing after everything that went down. She is unsure if she wants to continue to be friends with the bride. I've had a shitty maid of honour/bridesmaid experience myself and I know how crap it can be. I friendship divorced the bride that I was in the bridal party of afterwards...
I basically want to make sure that her experience as my maid of honour is a great one and I want to do everything I can to make sure that our friendship doesn't suffer.
Things I'm already doing:
- giving her a break from wedding stuff by not talking about mine until the sting and irritation from this past one wears off. I'm basically not going to mention mine until she brings it up.
- trying to keep it as inexpensive for her as possible. I had to spend over a thousand dollars over the course of a year when I was in a bridal party, and I am NOT doing that to my best friend. So I'm doing what I can to keep it reasonable and budget friendly. For example, my mother is making my wedding dress, and my mom has offered to make hers as well!
- I'm not telling her what her dress has to look like, and instead I'm letting her choose any style of dress she wants and that she thinks she'd feel comfortable and pretty in.
- Making sure that I don't make the next year all about me. I am making sure that when we talk I ask about things that are going on in her life, that I keep up on her life, and that I continue to be a friend to her and spend non-wedding related, no-wedding-talk time with her.
- Never ordering her around or telling I need her to do something without asking if she'd mind or has the time. Luckily, we're keeping the wedding fairly small and simple so there won't be dozens of centerpieces to make or fussy party favours to put together. There will be some things that need to be done, though, and I'll let her know when I get around to each one and ask if she wants to be involved. She and I have a relationship where I know she would say no if she didn't want to.
So what else should I do/not do in order to make sure that my best person in the whole world (apart from my husband to be) enjoys being involved in my wedding and that our friendship doesn't suffer?
Also, she is currently single, and I don't want to throw that in her face. I was single when I was in a bridal party and I found the whole thing extra frustrating because it was a very huge reminder that I was single. How do I keep from doing that to her?