My cats want to know whyit's okay for ME to play with my poop when they're not allowed to

July 19, 2012 12:08 PM

Calling all Metafilter poop technicians! I have a poop sample to prepare. It involves dissolving it in a preservative. The poop was pretty tough and fibrous and I can't get it all to dissolve. What would a poop technician do?

I've been stirring and poking for 20 minutes now but my poop gravy is still lumpy. Can I leave the remaining lumps? Is it safe to use something else to break them up (I'm worried about contamination)?
I can't just remove the hard bits as a) they might be hard bits for a significant reason and b) there has to be a fairly exact amount of poop soup and the rest of the poop has gone to visit family in the sewers.

I have to do two more of these later so all advice would be good.

Also, please god let me never have to use the phrases "poop soup" and "poop gravy" ever again in my life.

posted by L'Estrange Fruit to Health & Fitness (7 answers total)

Response by poster: (I can't call the testing facility as they're only open for a few hours in the morning, and the next window is when I must deliver yon poop.)
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 12:13 PM on July 19, 2012

Ummmn... if you don't mind me asking, what is this sample going to be tested FOR? If it's for occult blood, they'll be able to analyze it even if it's not a velvety-smooth slurry. If it's for something else: wear rubber gloves, use a stainless steel spoon to rub it through stainless steel mesh (either a fine-mesh colander or screen-door material). But I suspect it's fine just the way it is.
posted by julthumbscrew at 12:14 PM on July 19, 2012

Lemme rephrase: unless they're testing it for something totally off-the-wall that I'm unfamiliar with, I believe that giving them your poop in a form as CLOSE AS POSSIBLE to the way it came out is probably ideal. If there are nigh-unto-indestructible chunks in it, they NEED to know about those.
posted by julthumbscrew at 12:16 PM on July 19, 2012

Best answer: You can leave lumps. They just need enough representative liquidized matter to be able to pipette sufficient quantities for the test. I asked about that when I did the test, and the lab folks said that the directions should be clearer, but you don't have to get to the point of 100% liquidity.

julthumbscrew, this particular test involves mixing the fecal matter with the preservative liquid so that is stable at room temperature. It's not a test for stool texture or consistency in any way.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:24 PM on July 19, 2012

Best answer: Just hand in the sample to the techs as it is. They can determine if it needs any further processing. Generally, it doesn't, or if it does, they do it without your intervention.
posted by xingcat at 12:24 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: julthumbscrew, there are two samples going out from today, one in its virgin state and one soupified.

Sidhedevil, thanks! The instructions I have are all capslocky about the COMPLETELY dissolved, so I was all "Is this a poop I see before me, the lump within my soup? Come, let me squish thee."

And thanks xingcat for the added reassurance.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 12:34 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

Best answer: Oh God, the Shakespearean poop verse just made me snort embarrassingly loudly at work. Bwa ha!

Yeah, it doesn't have to be totally liquified.
posted by sarcasticah at 2:47 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]