Let Her Know Just How Much Thought I've Put Into Breaking Up?
July 19, 2012 10:26 AM Subscribe
When breaking up with a live-in girlfriend, should I let show just how much forethought I've put into it?
I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year-and-a-half, and we've lived together for over a year. I still care about her quite a bit, but, largely because of a turbulent first nine months or so (she has severe rage and jealousy issues), I no longer feel that spark or connection that had been there. She's worked hard to curb those traits and has shown great improvement, but - and I'm somewhat ashamed to say - it's a matter of "damage done", I think. (We also haven't had sex in about seven months due to my lack of inspiration, but it's difficult to want to have sex with someone of whom I have so many vivid memories involving her screaming and/or throwing things at me over trivial or non-existent matters.)
Bottom line is I've decided to end it. It's my house, but I'm prepared to let her stay there for a month or so until she finds her own place. I also have another currently vacant property that I'd be okay with renting to her (or rent her the house if she finds a roommate to help with that cost). In having the initial breakup talk, do I just keep the details to a minimum, break it off, stay as she asks her questions/absorbs the shock, and then leave her with some space? Do I bring up the logistics options right away so she's not thinking she'll need to scramble to find a place on top of dealing with the breakup? I'm not sure it'll make it any easier on her if it seems like I've been planning this for a while and have all the angles already covered (which, sadly, is kind of true). Or am I overthinking all of this?