How to get better at staying in touch with people?
July 18, 2012 12:45 AM Subscribe
How do I get better at initiating and maintaining contact with friends, romantic partners, and potential friends? If you are a socially anxious, super-busy person, what helps motivate you to stay in touch on a day to day basis?
posted by sockomatic to human relations (13 answers total) 66 users marked this as a favorite
I find I have a hard time just contacting people out of the blue, just to chat. When I am bored, I work on my hobbies. When I miss having people around, I watch television or movies. I find social contact energizing, but I spend most of my time doing things by myself. It rarely occurs to me to pick up the phone and ask someone to hang out with me. Part of this is decision paralysis. I have a wide social network, but shallow relationships. I don't know who to call first; I generally feel guilty and worried about leaving people out and end up calling no one. The other part is low self-esteem that I am still working on. I feel like I am bothering people if I initiate a conversation without having something in mind to talk about first. Similarly, I've never asked a friend to hang out without having an activity in mind. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that my company is good enough by itself.
At the same time, I know my friends want to hear from me. I enjoy the time I spend with them and usually end up wondering why I don't initiate more often. I also feel sad whenever I realize a friendship is withering because I neglected it. I think I could get better at this with more effort and practice. What can I do to actually make myself stay in touch? Would setting a schedule be too forced and weird?