I love my husband, but I miss what we used to do, so what do I do to help him see?
July 17, 2012 2:15 PM Subscribe
Married, LIttle with a capital L. How can I get my husband to see what I'm lacking and how it hurts?
posted by anonymous to human relations (13 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I have been married for 6 years years. My husband and I are both professionals-- I work as a clerk, with side hobbies/business with art and music, and he works in IT with a side venture working with a non-profit historical organization/ museum. We met years ago at an ageplay site, so while he knew off the bat, he has or had a strong caretaker streak, and I have a more littleish side. It's nothing sexual for either of us, but is a part and parcel of personalities.
We having a satisifying adult relationship-- neither of us are dissatisfied sexxually, we split household duties, we share emotional support, and also have a healthy social life with others near us. He has been working quite hard for the last year on preserving a local site of historical interest. It's very important to him, so I do my best to support him however he asks, emotionally, logistically, whatever. My "little mode", as we call it is mostly a time for silly kids games or macaroni and cheese and crayons, etc... a way to emotionally recharge my batteries and for him-- at least he said in the beginning-- to indulge his nuturing side. I always make sure to take care of all adult responsibilities before any sort of littleness, and he said he's very happy with our relationship emotionally and sexually, and doesn't feel like my bout of little time encroach on anything.
I have been struggling with some emotional ups and downs, and I woke up yesterday feeling really small and pathetic and the whole day I just wanted to have a spot of "little time". Just he and I, cuddling, maybe reading a story together or coloring or something, like we used to. and I told my husband this but when he got home a call from the mesuem came in and it was an emergency that happened and he had to deal with it so it wasn't his fault but at the same time part of me thinks that even if a museum emergency hadn't happened we still wouldn't have done anything with me... because he keeps saying he will, that he misses it too, and then never does.
it makes me sad cause... well here I am... most of the time it's fine I can ignore these feelings or ease them by drawing pictures or other creative outputs and work and retreating into imaginary scenarios, but it's just weird that I have a husband, we met on an ageplay website and in the beginning he was an amazing caretaker type too, an enthusiatic one, even, and it was something we did every few months and I felt loved and cherished and very very happy and my adult relationship with him is a very happy one...
... but the little/caretkish side of our relationship has been gone for quite a long time now, I'm not talking days weeks or months I'm talking years now, and it makes me feel sad when I think about it so I try not to think about it all that often.
but I don't know what changed in our relationship to make him not like me in that way anymore. I've spoken to him several times about this but nothing changes and I think nagging him about it just makes it worse, so I stopped talking to him about it but I can't fix it if I don't talk to him about it... it's just... this is a part of me. I can't help it. it's not a hobby it's like part of my core and when I shut it away it feels like I'm cutting off all these brilliant emotions and feeling and it just leaves me with this aching heart feeling that hurts so much that it makes my finger joints ache. I love my husband, he means so much to me... but I'm also tired of feeling neglected. Why can I do to express how I feel and what he is doing sometimes hurts or contributes to feeling missed out on without making him upset or thinking I don't value him?