Best Practices for Ending it with Therapist
July 14, 2012 9:52 PM Subscribe
Terminating with psychotherapist after six sessions: I think I should. But, I wonder how to do it properly? How much of an explanation do I owe the therapist?
posted by little_dog_laughing to human relations (17 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I'm not even sure I've given this therapist a fair shot. I had two goals (two issues I hoped to unscramble) upon walking in; one of these goals was fairly straightforward but the therapist and I have hardly mentioned it. The other goal was more vague.
So, I have goals.
It seems we've spent our time so far addressing kind of background-y, superficial things, like how was my childhood and with whom do I live, how's work, and that sort of thing. And, to that end, I've been increasingly put off by my therapist's apparently narrow, disapproving viewpoint up to where, at our last session, I was actively trying to keep my defensiveness in check. (And, I'm not a defensive person, gosh darn it!)
Our sessions thus far have made me not want to open up about the "straightforward" goal. I don't trust her. I think it'd be a waste of time and the sensitive parts of my soul would feel vulnerable! But, if I were to decide to spill the beans to her and her reaction was unkind, I'm sure I'd get over it.
Actual examples of the therapist in action might help, OK, but if I rattled off a few examples from the most recent session, they would individually sound not-so-bad. Taken together, it just seems like too much. Like we have bad chemistry(?) Examples: she has mentioned more than once that I am financially dependent on my partner, which isn't true. I'm not financially dependent on my partner and I would not leave my partner if suddenly I had a gazillion dollars. It's as if she doesn't believe it. Speaking of dollars, I mentioned that the one downside to my job is the hours. Not the number of hours per week but the fact that I prefer to work in the morning and I am currently busy with work in the evenings to late-night. It's not a huge deal to me, and I'm otherwise quite happy with work, but when I told her that having the AM as my downtime feels like my job saps my entire day, she said, "Well, that's what work is!" as if it's my first job or something. I mean, I've had full time employment for almost 20 years. I'm not a newb. I have a few more examples- she made a bold statement about one of my friends based on a single anecdote- it seemed reckless to toss out a diagnosis-type-thing like that. Etc. Etc. She comes off as judgmental to me, but I give her the benefit of the doubt, we just don't jibe.
At every session she has given me at least one helpful insight or tool, so I held out hope, until our latest meeting, where I left there thinking, "What the crap was THAT?!"
Now, I would think I could just tell her what's on my mind, right? Tell her I'm not so comfortable with the way things are going, and that I think I might benefit more from some other therapist. Right? What do you think?
She has decades of counselling experience. I have had one good and one not-so-hot experience in therapy previously, and I've been told I'm a good patient.
I know I could just walk away, but I want to do this right. When does one know when it is time to move on? What (specifically) do I tell this woman? My first impression of her was great. She is possibly great, just not for me.