Parents' second divorce?
July 13, 2012 10:58 AM Subscribe
Support for one's parents' second divorce?
posted by skbw to human relations (7 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Though this may seem like a niche question, I'm sure it's a pretty common situation, sadly, these days.
My biological parents divorced when I was 3. My mother and stepfather dated exclusively from (my) age 7-14 and married when I was 14. Now, 20 years later, I am 35 and they are getting divorced. I'm not that surprised but I am anyway, you know? My stepfather is effectively my father and this for me is like a first divorce situation...but worse because there is all the extra memory of my biological parents' long, mean custody battle.
I live far away from them. I am in a cold, hard, serious life-decision-type situation of my own, although, thank God, I have a loving significant other and friends where I am. I may or may not visit my parents, but I can't lose it because losing it now would f--- up my own life. There can be no staying in bed, etc..
My mother's and my blood relatives are not modern people. They are helping my mother, but I can't go to them for support because all they do is invoke the name of my Granny Fanny, my long-dead adored grandmother, and similar upsetting things to get me to take their side. I can't be sitting around thinking about old recipes and crying. (I am sure that, just as she could not have imagined Johnny Cash on YouTube, Fanny would be surprised to see herself mentioned on Metafilter.)
I can't go to my stepfather's family, again, effectively my own family, until the news goes public. They are sophisticated people and will not go crazy manipulating me even if things are rough for a while. So I need to get through the days until I can talk to them.
Heck, it may sound like I'm CLOSE with my parents. I am not that close to them. Nonetheless they are my parents and they're getting divorced.
What books, websites, or support groups can you recommend for adults whose parents are divorcing? With an "again" twist in there? Thank you for your help.