How to deal with my friend's friends
July 9, 2012 2:19 AM Subscribe
I'm not sure how to tell my friend that I would really like to keep hanging out with her--just not in a group setting. Help?
posted by tooloudinhere to human relations (21 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I've known this girl for over a year now, and we have never really hung out outside of a mutual activity. Now because of different circumstances, we are seeing each other a lot more often--which is great. I really like her, we can talk about stuff, and I would like to try to get to know her even better.
The issue is the setting/group dynamic. Several times now she's asked me to lunch; I said yes, only to find that what she meant was going to lunch with her and three other people and it ends up being like eight of us.
I don't see friend potential in any of these people except this girl, and I just don't enjoy these types of group outings in general. It takes forever to decide anything, and there is no leadership. They're all extraverts who are just happy to be together. Which is fine! But I am an INTJ, and that is not my style at all.
The last time this happened I ended up just making a decision and kind of abandoning ship, which I feel really bad about. I need to explain myself before she gives up on me, I don't want to say anything that could be construed as offensive as her other friends may hear about this through her.
It boils down to is this: how do I delicately tell my friend that I would like to hang out with her more, but not in this group setting? Or is this a terrible strategy and I should either give up trying to be her friend or put up with the group outings?
A script/advice would be very much appreciated!