Mayday! Your input for this guy about to crash?
July 7, 2012 8:53 AM Subscribe
I feel like a mess and never thought I'd end up here. I'm broke, headed for eviction, jobless, no insurance, on food stamps, overweight, have panic attacks, can't afford a therapist, have no friends that I can talk to about any of this. Did I mention I am 40 and married with two kids? If I don't get a handle on all this, my family is about to hit the skids. Ideas?
Let me hit you with the bullet points, just so you know where I am coming from:
I was raised in a "religion" that heavily discouraged going to college (Jehovah's Witnesses). I left that at age 26 and ended up going to college for a bit in my 30s, but did not finish.
Married in 1992. Divorced in 2001. Married again 6 years ago. Two kids. Happy with my marriage. Very afraid I am putting my family through far too much strain with my issues.
Have had a few decent jobs, but nothing great. Even moved around a bit trying to find something that fit me and paid well. Wife has been incredibly supportive. We keep hitting runs of bad luck.
A job that started part-time and was to have gone to full was unable to go full due to downturns.
A job we moved 500 miles for a job that was great for me. Once we arrived, they fired a bunch of people and moved me to a new position in a restructure. I had no experience or knowledge of the new position. My new supervisor fired me. My insurance cut off within days of my firing.
I moved back to our home state and got another job. I made the mistake of letting my employer know that I was looking at having surgery to repair a hernia in the coming months. Days before my "sick leave" was to kick in, they fired me. They told me specifically that it was because they did not want to have to pay sick days, that my performance was great, and they would give me a great reference.
None of these jobs paid in on unemployment (non-profits), so I have been unable to collect. We are on food stamps and my kids are on Medicaid. I can't afford COBRA payments to keep insurance. My wife has asthma.
My rent and car payments are so far behind, we are about to lose our one car and be evicted from our house. The water was shut off yesterday. A friend fronted us a bit to get it back on.
I weigh 365 lbs, have a hernia and a sprained knee that will not heal correctly. I went for physical therapy on it, only to find that my last employer messed up my premium payments and got my insurance cut off. So, I am largely physically unfit for most jobs.
I have done some freelance writing, but can't keep enough clients going to pay bills.
I have to read myself to sleep each night because I get panicked that I will die in my sleep, leaving my wife and kids alone to discover my cold corpse.
I always used to be such a positive person, but I feel like I have been smacked down so many times over the past few years that I can't find it in me to get back up. I never contemplate suicide or giving up. I desperately want to get a foothold and power my way out of this hole. My wife is having lots of stress issues with all this. She is also trying to find a job herself. She gave up her last one to move for my "great job opportunity" that tanked.
I feel like a lead weight that is taking my family down with me. I don't know where to start. I literally have $2.66 in the bank and nothing coming.
What the hell? This is like a 12-foot deep hole with sheer, slick mud sides. All I have to work with is a bent teaspoon.
Knowing that my own perspective is likely suspect in all this, and not being able to afford a therapist, I toss all this out here. YANMD and all that. Thanks in advance.
Let me hit you with the bullet points, just so you know where I am coming from:
I was raised in a "religion" that heavily discouraged going to college (Jehovah's Witnesses). I left that at age 26 and ended up going to college for a bit in my 30s, but did not finish.
Married in 1992. Divorced in 2001. Married again 6 years ago. Two kids. Happy with my marriage. Very afraid I am putting my family through far too much strain with my issues.
Have had a few decent jobs, but nothing great. Even moved around a bit trying to find something that fit me and paid well. Wife has been incredibly supportive. We keep hitting runs of bad luck.
A job that started part-time and was to have gone to full was unable to go full due to downturns.
A job we moved 500 miles for a job that was great for me. Once we arrived, they fired a bunch of people and moved me to a new position in a restructure. I had no experience or knowledge of the new position. My new supervisor fired me. My insurance cut off within days of my firing.
I moved back to our home state and got another job. I made the mistake of letting my employer know that I was looking at having surgery to repair a hernia in the coming months. Days before my "sick leave" was to kick in, they fired me. They told me specifically that it was because they did not want to have to pay sick days, that my performance was great, and they would give me a great reference.
None of these jobs paid in on unemployment (non-profits), so I have been unable to collect. We are on food stamps and my kids are on Medicaid. I can't afford COBRA payments to keep insurance. My wife has asthma.
My rent and car payments are so far behind, we are about to lose our one car and be evicted from our house. The water was shut off yesterday. A friend fronted us a bit to get it back on.
I weigh 365 lbs, have a hernia and a sprained knee that will not heal correctly. I went for physical therapy on it, only to find that my last employer messed up my premium payments and got my insurance cut off. So, I am largely physically unfit for most jobs.
I have done some freelance writing, but can't keep enough clients going to pay bills.
I have to read myself to sleep each night because I get panicked that I will die in my sleep, leaving my wife and kids alone to discover my cold corpse.
I always used to be such a positive person, but I feel like I have been smacked down so many times over the past few years that I can't find it in me to get back up. I never contemplate suicide or giving up. I desperately want to get a foothold and power my way out of this hole. My wife is having lots of stress issues with all this. She is also trying to find a job herself. She gave up her last one to move for my "great job opportunity" that tanked.
I feel like a lead weight that is taking my family down with me. I don't know where to start. I literally have $2.66 in the bank and nothing coming.
What the hell? This is like a 12-foot deep hole with sheer, slick mud sides. All I have to work with is a bent teaspoon.
Knowing that my own perspective is likely suspect in all this, and not being able to afford a therapist, I toss all this out here. YANMD and all that. Thanks in advance.
Have you looked into getting on disability? I know very little about it, but if you're physically unable to work it might be worth investigating.
posted by c'mon sea legs at 9:25 AM on July 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by c'mon sea legs at 9:25 AM on July 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
I don't have any comparable experience, so advice from someone who has dealt with a similar situation definitely trumps mine. But my heart goes out to you and your family. I did some googling and found the following:
Resources for Homeless Persons has contact information for local agencies who help homeless people and people at risk of becoming homeless with food, housing and health care, including mental health care.
Other people will probably know more about this, but both the part quoted by downing street memo and the part about your former employer screwing up your insurance seem worthy of discussion with a lawyer.
posted by bunderful at 9:31 AM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
Resources for Homeless Persons has contact information for local agencies who help homeless people and people at risk of becoming homeless with food, housing and health care, including mental health care.
Other people will probably know more about this, but both the part quoted by downing street memo and the part about your former employer screwing up your insurance seem worthy of discussion with a lawyer.
posted by bunderful at 9:31 AM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
My condolences on the sorry state of affairs. This is a story I hear too often these days.
I understand the unemployment compensation problem, but if the state is providing food stamps, and the kids are covered by Medicaid, you should also qualify for financial assistance in addition to SNAP. You didn't mention whether you applied; if you didn't, please do. These funds are for situations exactly like yours, and they can help intercede on evictions and repos, too.
I'm not sure about non-profits paying into Social Security, but I would check on the partial/complete disability angle while researching.
The best thing about seeking these options is that they will get you and your wife into the re-employment programs as well. You need an advocate working for you. These positive actions will get you moving in the right direction, and help put an end to the paralyzing fear of failure (and fear itself.)
Florida is a right-to-work state, and they can fire us here with or without cause. Unless you have the sick leave statement in writing, it's not going anywhere in this state. I hope your state might see it differently, but these days, I wouldn't count on any of that. Litigation would just be another albatross you don't need right now.
Make sure you get up and get going with a goal in mind every morning, just like you have a job to do. You do. I wish you the very best of luck.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 9:37 AM on July 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
I understand the unemployment compensation problem, but if the state is providing food stamps, and the kids are covered by Medicaid, you should also qualify for financial assistance in addition to SNAP. You didn't mention whether you applied; if you didn't, please do. These funds are for situations exactly like yours, and they can help intercede on evictions and repos, too.
I'm not sure about non-profits paying into Social Security, but I would check on the partial/complete disability angle while researching.
The best thing about seeking these options is that they will get you and your wife into the re-employment programs as well. You need an advocate working for you. These positive actions will get you moving in the right direction, and help put an end to the paralyzing fear of failure (and fear itself.)
Florida is a right-to-work state, and they can fire us here with or without cause. Unless you have the sick leave statement in writing, it's not going anywhere in this state. I hope your state might see it differently, but these days, I wouldn't count on any of that. Litigation would just be another albatross you don't need right now.
Make sure you get up and get going with a goal in mind every morning, just like you have a job to do. You do. I wish you the very best of luck.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 9:37 AM on July 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
You can always get another job, another car, another place to live; you can make it back again from unemployment and severe financial distress. If you have done it before you can do it again. But I know it's hard, I've been there myself and I'm really sorry this has happened. A supportive spouse and family are so important and it's so great that you have that.
The first thing is you need to get your rent and car paid. I would start looking immediately for any state and local assistance, public first (your tax dollars paid for these programs, use them when you need them!), or private if that's all that's available. For example, Maryland has the EAFC program for emergency assistance, while the state of Florida apparently has not made funding it a priority so you would have to go to local charities. But go. With children to support, there should definitely be programs that can help your family in an emergency - google for the emergency assistance programs where you live.
Next, are you sure that you cannot collect unemployment despite having been recently employed at a nonprofit? Can you speak with someone on the phone at the unemployment office or, preferably, go directly to the office in person with all your documentation to go over the details and find out what is available for you? I would do that next. There has to be a resource for you.
The firing because you were about to take sick leave may or may not be illegal depending on the size of the business and the length of time you had worked there, I think. I am not a lawyer but if there is a resource for low income clients that doesn't cost you anything (does your state or local bar association have such an organization? often they do) it wouldn't hurt to get a consultation. However, focus on the immediate needs and getting a job now. Worry about this later.
I wish I had specifics to offer you. It seems like you are doing the right thing and you need to just be persistent, don't get down on yourself, and keep doing it. You applied and got your kids on Medicaid. You got your family on food stamps. You are persistent and have kept trying. You and your wife should keep applying for jobs (try everything: Craiglist, Monster, asking friends for leads) and looking for state and local resources, public and private, to help get you back on your feet. If you have freelance writing experience emphasize that on your resume and look for desk jobs that won't require physical exertion. About depression and panic attacks, these circumstances would make anyone feel that way, it's normal. The more actions you take every day, the more it will help.
posted by citron at 9:45 AM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
The first thing is you need to get your rent and car paid. I would start looking immediately for any state and local assistance, public first (your tax dollars paid for these programs, use them when you need them!), or private if that's all that's available. For example, Maryland has the EAFC program for emergency assistance, while the state of Florida apparently has not made funding it a priority so you would have to go to local charities. But go. With children to support, there should definitely be programs that can help your family in an emergency - google for the emergency assistance programs where you live.
Next, are you sure that you cannot collect unemployment despite having been recently employed at a nonprofit? Can you speak with someone on the phone at the unemployment office or, preferably, go directly to the office in person with all your documentation to go over the details and find out what is available for you? I would do that next. There has to be a resource for you.
The firing because you were about to take sick leave may or may not be illegal depending on the size of the business and the length of time you had worked there, I think. I am not a lawyer but if there is a resource for low income clients that doesn't cost you anything (does your state or local bar association have such an organization? often they do) it wouldn't hurt to get a consultation. However, focus on the immediate needs and getting a job now. Worry about this later.
I wish I had specifics to offer you. It seems like you are doing the right thing and you need to just be persistent, don't get down on yourself, and keep doing it. You applied and got your kids on Medicaid. You got your family on food stamps. You are persistent and have kept trying. You and your wife should keep applying for jobs (try everything: Craiglist, Monster, asking friends for leads) and looking for state and local resources, public and private, to help get you back on your feet. If you have freelance writing experience emphasize that on your resume and look for desk jobs that won't require physical exertion. About depression and panic attacks, these circumstances would make anyone feel that way, it's normal. The more actions you take every day, the more it will help.
posted by citron at 9:45 AM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
Have you applied for unemployment? You never know until you apply. Try it.
Have you checked your local charities? Catholic Services in many states will help with rent and food at least once, and you do not have to be Catholic. Try it.
Have you applied for disability? It'll take a bit to find out, but give it a go. Most people are denied the first time, but there are resources for that. You won't know until you try. Give it a shot.
Nearly every city has food banks, look them up. Some charities even offer hot meals to families with kids. Even with food stamps, food banks are a Godsend.
Do you have family or friends who can take y'all in while you apply for disability or try to get another job? If your wife works, she can offer to pay rent while you get yourself straightened out. You would not be the first person or last to move in with family or friends in these hard times.
Think of this as a rough patch, not the end of the road. You just have to get through the rough patch until the road smooths out. You can do it as long as you keep moving forward. It's only those who stop moving that get stuck in the mud.
posted by patheral at 9:52 AM on July 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
Have you checked your local charities? Catholic Services in many states will help with rent and food at least once, and you do not have to be Catholic. Try it.
Have you applied for disability? It'll take a bit to find out, but give it a go. Most people are denied the first time, but there are resources for that. You won't know until you try. Give it a shot.
Nearly every city has food banks, look them up. Some charities even offer hot meals to families with kids. Even with food stamps, food banks are a Godsend.
Do you have family or friends who can take y'all in while you apply for disability or try to get another job? If your wife works, she can offer to pay rent while you get yourself straightened out. You would not be the first person or last to move in with family or friends in these hard times.
Think of this as a rough patch, not the end of the road. You just have to get through the rough patch until the road smooths out. You can do it as long as you keep moving forward. It's only those who stop moving that get stuck in the mud.
posted by patheral at 9:52 AM on July 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
There may be a Food Not Bombs group in your area that you can take advantage of.
posted by bq at 9:59 AM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by bq at 9:59 AM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have been through a lot myself. A very close friend calls me Whack-a-mole. My AskMe fellows will give you great practical advice. A little bit of extra insight:
Look both ways when you cross the street. Be extra careful when you drive. Take no physical risks at the moment. Your focus is so scattered -- slow down. But keep moving.
You have to try and stop piling on. Yes, your wife may have asthma, but as long as she is not having an asthma attack right this minutes, don't hyperfocus on what may go wrong and sink you farther. You have got to block that out and stay focused on the tasks and recommendations you'll get in this thread. As hard as it is, one step (or to use your own metaphor, one scoop of mud in that teaspoon) at a time.
Good luck. I hope you will look back on this time in the very near future, with lessons learned, and some measure of peace at hand.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:03 AM on July 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
Look both ways when you cross the street. Be extra careful when you drive. Take no physical risks at the moment. Your focus is so scattered -- slow down. But keep moving.
You have to try and stop piling on. Yes, your wife may have asthma, but as long as she is not having an asthma attack right this minutes, don't hyperfocus on what may go wrong and sink you farther. You have got to block that out and stay focused on the tasks and recommendations you'll get in this thread. As hard as it is, one step (or to use your own metaphor, one scoop of mud in that teaspoon) at a time.
Good luck. I hope you will look back on this time in the very near future, with lessons learned, and some measure of peace at hand.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:03 AM on July 7, 2012 [5 favorites]
Also, there are online and IRL support groups for unemployment:
http://unemployment.supportgroups.com/
http://unemployed.meetup.com/
posted by bunderful at 10:12 AM on July 7, 2012
http://unemployment.supportgroups.com/
http://unemployed.meetup.com/
posted by bunderful at 10:12 AM on July 7, 2012
thinkpiece makes good points: stress creates mistakes which create more stress.
File for unemployment; the worst that can happen is that you get denied. But you probably won't. It shouldn't matter whether the employer paid in, that's between them and the state. If you worked and can prove it, that should be all it takes to file a claim.
posted by gjc at 10:49 AM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
File for unemployment; the worst that can happen is that you get denied. But you probably won't. It shouldn't matter whether the employer paid in, that's between them and the state. If you worked and can prove it, that should be all it takes to file a claim.
posted by gjc at 10:49 AM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
Go to your local library and speak with a reference librarian. He or she may be able to find government and/or private agencies in your area that can address your different needs. Or look in the yellow pages or online if you have good research skills. You might try calling a local helpline if you feel self-conscious. You know about Ask Metafilter so you must be pretty research savvy.
Here's an example of a good resource: http://www.justice.gov/ust/eo/bapcpa/ccde/cc_approved.htm That's a Dept. of Justice approved list of credit agencies. You need to get creditors off your back so you can get some peace. There may be a way to get the calls to stop or the letters to cease so you can have some breathing room.
I recommend some free or low-cost mental health counseling. Again, a reference librarian might be able to find an agency, or you can search yourself for social service agencies if talking to a librarian makes you uncomfortable. Social Workers can often help both psychologically and on a practical level.
I hope things turn around for you soon. Good luck.
posted by joz1 at 11:39 AM on July 7, 2012
Here's an example of a good resource: http://www.justice.gov/ust/eo/bapcpa/ccde/cc_approved.htm That's a Dept. of Justice approved list of credit agencies. You need to get creditors off your back so you can get some peace. There may be a way to get the calls to stop or the letters to cease so you can have some breathing room.
I recommend some free or low-cost mental health counseling. Again, a reference librarian might be able to find an agency, or you can search yourself for social service agencies if talking to a librarian makes you uncomfortable. Social Workers can often help both psychologically and on a practical level.
I hope things turn around for you soon. Good luck.
posted by joz1 at 11:39 AM on July 7, 2012
Is there a temp agency nearby? Perhaps you or your wife could try getting a foot in the door through there? If you can write freelance you can probably operate Word and stuff envelopes or whatever needs to be done in a office job.
posted by captaincrouton at 11:45 AM on July 7, 2012
posted by captaincrouton at 11:45 AM on July 7, 2012
Nonprofits are not exempt from paying unemployment! If you got a paycheck from them, and you've worked enough hours, you should definitely be qualified to collect unemployment. You should look into a wrongful termination suit against the one who fired you for needing surgery - that's highly illegal in any state.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:50 AM on July 7, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:50 AM on July 7, 2012 [8 favorites]
Everybody else can tell you how the benefits system works in your country, so obviously, do that.
Keep your writing clients. In addition, without pouring your heart out, let each of them know that you're urgently looking for work and could they please send as much of it your way as they can, and let you know of anyone that's hiring.
You can still do sitting-down jobs, right? The first assignment I'm giving you is to polish your resume. This might take you a full day.
The next assignment I'm giving you is to go to an online job site - not one of the huge ones like monster.com, I don't know if it's different for computing jobs but the hit rate is terrible. In the UK I've had some interviews through reed.co.uk as long as I was careful to apply to direct hires rather than agency jobs. I don't know what the US equivalent would be, or if the hit rate is different for your line of work, YMMV, but apply for at least one job a day and maybe ten, depending on what hit rate you get. Call up a bunch of temping agencies in your area and ask if you can go in and register. Once you're registered call all of them up, every day.
You'll get a lot of rejections because that's what job hunting is. Tough it out. Try to see each success or failure for what it is, rather than as an indictment of your worth. I've attended conference-style interviews where all the candidates presented together, I've sat on interview panels, and above all I've been rejected from a whole fucking lot of interviews so I now have a really, really good grasp of how a rejection does not always mean you were a weak candidate or that you won't be hired at the next place.
You still got religion? Use it. Lost it? Get it back. Pray every day for guidance and opportunity, and give thanks for all that you still have. Even give thanks for the crisis you're in, though you'll probably have to do it through gritted teeth. You and Job? BFFs. Say the Lord's Prayer every day, asking for the resources you need to get through that day. We all get to a point in life where we reach the limits of our agency and have to say, You must do this. I can't.
You can only do your part, which is to remember that you can fight this, and you can win. You must keep going through your fear and frustration and you must not give up. Thinking of this movie "The Edge" where Antony Hopkins says you know what most people lost in the woods die of? They die of shame. You have nothing to be ashamed of, keep telling yourself that.
Maybe I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here and you're already doing all of this. Well, do it more.
posted by tel3path at 11:58 AM on July 7, 2012 [4 favorites]
Keep your writing clients. In addition, without pouring your heart out, let each of them know that you're urgently looking for work and could they please send as much of it your way as they can, and let you know of anyone that's hiring.
You can still do sitting-down jobs, right? The first assignment I'm giving you is to polish your resume. This might take you a full day.
The next assignment I'm giving you is to go to an online job site - not one of the huge ones like monster.com, I don't know if it's different for computing jobs but the hit rate is terrible. In the UK I've had some interviews through reed.co.uk as long as I was careful to apply to direct hires rather than agency jobs. I don't know what the US equivalent would be, or if the hit rate is different for your line of work, YMMV, but apply for at least one job a day and maybe ten, depending on what hit rate you get. Call up a bunch of temping agencies in your area and ask if you can go in and register. Once you're registered call all of them up, every day.
You'll get a lot of rejections because that's what job hunting is. Tough it out. Try to see each success or failure for what it is, rather than as an indictment of your worth. I've attended conference-style interviews where all the candidates presented together, I've sat on interview panels, and above all I've been rejected from a whole fucking lot of interviews so I now have a really, really good grasp of how a rejection does not always mean you were a weak candidate or that you won't be hired at the next place.
You still got religion? Use it. Lost it? Get it back. Pray every day for guidance and opportunity, and give thanks for all that you still have. Even give thanks for the crisis you're in, though you'll probably have to do it through gritted teeth. You and Job? BFFs. Say the Lord's Prayer every day, asking for the resources you need to get through that day. We all get to a point in life where we reach the limits of our agency and have to say, You must do this. I can't.
You can only do your part, which is to remember that you can fight this, and you can win. You must keep going through your fear and frustration and you must not give up. Thinking of this movie "The Edge" where Antony Hopkins says you know what most people lost in the woods die of? They die of shame. You have nothing to be ashamed of, keep telling yourself that.
Maybe I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here and you're already doing all of this. Well, do it more.
posted by tel3path at 11:58 AM on July 7, 2012 [4 favorites]
I know you have a long list of things that have gone wrong, but it's unclear what routes you've gone to get your needs met other than help from a friend with your water bill, so all I can give are resource suggestions- the Medicaid/stamp thing lets me know you're in the US.
If you're already on food stamps and the kids have Medicaid, that's a good first step- at least those basic needs are covered- take it one step further and apply for cash assistance if you haven't already. I am in Indiana so I can't speak for where you are, but here are some routes that I would go if I were you:
Adults may be covered by Medicaid in my state if they have dependent children and make x percent of poverty limit- sounds like you fit that criteria to me. Is there a reason you haven't been able to get Medicaid coverage for yourself and your wife based on this?
Before you get evicted and/or get utilities cut off- have you been in contact with community agencies that could help with this? Salvation Army pays rent and utilities, and if your state has a trustee system, each township will have one agency that will pay rent/utilities for people in need. There may also be an agency that specifically covers utilities separate from the trustee.
Definitely check into free legal aid regarding the shenanigans your last employer pulled- again, how you reach this is dependent on location. Some legal aid agencies have online applications to fill out and send in, others just have set hours at the public library and it's first come, first serve.
Lastly, if you have a local community mental health center, go there. At the very least someone there will be able to help you identify some health coverage options (a Medicaid specialist or similar) and there may be pamphlets about local agencies that cover the items I've listed above. If you feel you would benefit from counseling to deal with everything, ask about their sliding scale services- sometimes they slide to 0.
I realize not all of this may apply- social service availability is VERY dependent on location. Some counties or towns may have crazy resources while others are scraping the bottom of the barrel. Please feel free to me-mail me your location if you think that would help.
posted by shes_ajar at 12:18 PM on July 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
If you're already on food stamps and the kids have Medicaid, that's a good first step- at least those basic needs are covered- take it one step further and apply for cash assistance if you haven't already. I am in Indiana so I can't speak for where you are, but here are some routes that I would go if I were you:
Adults may be covered by Medicaid in my state if they have dependent children and make x percent of poverty limit- sounds like you fit that criteria to me. Is there a reason you haven't been able to get Medicaid coverage for yourself and your wife based on this?
Before you get evicted and/or get utilities cut off- have you been in contact with community agencies that could help with this? Salvation Army pays rent and utilities, and if your state has a trustee system, each township will have one agency that will pay rent/utilities for people in need. There may also be an agency that specifically covers utilities separate from the trustee.
Definitely check into free legal aid regarding the shenanigans your last employer pulled- again, how you reach this is dependent on location. Some legal aid agencies have online applications to fill out and send in, others just have set hours at the public library and it's first come, first serve.
Lastly, if you have a local community mental health center, go there. At the very least someone there will be able to help you identify some health coverage options (a Medicaid specialist or similar) and there may be pamphlets about local agencies that cover the items I've listed above. If you feel you would benefit from counseling to deal with everything, ask about their sliding scale services- sometimes they slide to 0.
I realize not all of this may apply- social service availability is VERY dependent on location. Some counties or towns may have crazy resources while others are scraping the bottom of the barrel. Please feel free to me-mail me your location if you think that would help.
posted by shes_ajar at 12:18 PM on July 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
Here (pdf) is a list of agencies/entities that received grant money through HUD's Homelessness Prevention and Rapid Re-Housing Program (known as HPRP).
The grant was issued in 2009, so funds are running out, but it might be worth contacting the agency in your area to see if they can still help prevent you from losing your home.
Hang in there, and good luck!
posted by trip and a half at 12:55 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
The grant was issued in 2009, so funds are running out, but it might be worth contacting the agency in your area to see if they can still help prevent you from losing your home.
Hang in there, and good luck!
posted by trip and a half at 12:55 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
You are going through a hard time and my sympathies for that. We all go through such things. Please be brave and hold on. Plan your life. Did you ever have any definite plans and did you work on action items that would achieve them? If not maybe making some goals would help you organize your thoughts and help you to take some action on them.
From a Buddhist perspective I would like to share some thoughts. You are free to accept or reject them of course but I am sharing from my own experiences not from some book. As per the teachings all that we suffer in this lifetime is due to past actions either in this life or in the past lifetimes. You are suffering because you need to make good causes for others, for society, for others who are suffering such as you. I would strongly suggest you read this book it is the collection of experiences of others who went through a lot of obstacles in life and overcame them by using the Buddhism I mentioned. The beauty of this practice is that it is not some abstract philosophy but will actually create changes in your life and you will start seeing the benefits almost immediately. Give it a try.
posted by pakora1 at 1:24 PM on July 7, 2012
From a Buddhist perspective I would like to share some thoughts. You are free to accept or reject them of course but I am sharing from my own experiences not from some book. As per the teachings all that we suffer in this lifetime is due to past actions either in this life or in the past lifetimes. You are suffering because you need to make good causes for others, for society, for others who are suffering such as you. I would strongly suggest you read this book it is the collection of experiences of others who went through a lot of obstacles in life and overcame them by using the Buddhism I mentioned. The beauty of this practice is that it is not some abstract philosophy but will actually create changes in your life and you will start seeing the benefits almost immediately. Give it a try.
posted by pakora1 at 1:24 PM on July 7, 2012
Check out the United Way's 211 service to search for local nonprofits and see what some of your options are. Be sure you look for food, housing help (HPRP is great, if you can find a place for it) and utilities assistance.
Check with local churches. They often have food banks, gas cards, etc., or know where you can find them. You don't have to be a member or even a believer. The Salvation Army is also good, as is Traveler's Aid.
Obviously you want to get your emergency needs met first, but if you've got time, be sure to look into homelessness prevention programs in your area. This will hopefully help you before you get to the point where you're moving into a shelter. For example, there's a nonprofit local to me that enrolls clients in a six-month program to learn money management skills and pay down debt while the nonprofit covers their rent.
posted by runningwithscissors at 1:51 PM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
Check with local churches. They often have food banks, gas cards, etc., or know where you can find them. You don't have to be a member or even a believer. The Salvation Army is also good, as is Traveler's Aid.
Obviously you want to get your emergency needs met first, but if you've got time, be sure to look into homelessness prevention programs in your area. This will hopefully help you before you get to the point where you're moving into a shelter. For example, there's a nonprofit local to me that enrolls clients in a six-month program to learn money management skills and pay down debt while the nonprofit covers their rent.
posted by runningwithscissors at 1:51 PM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
So sorry about everything that you're going through. I am wondering though if you tried to collect unemployment and/or if you tried appealing the decision if your initial claim was denied? Were you an employee rather than a consultant? I am not a lawyer but I don't think the organization's non-profit status should have anything to do with whether you are eligible for unemployment.
Just for some back story, I got a grant funded position at a non-profit in October 2009. Long story short, the organization had all sorts of financial problems, misappropriated funds from the grant that was supposed to support my position and the grant was rescinded in June 2010. I applied for unemployment and was initially denied because since the organization had not filed any paperwork or paid any taxes since the second quarter of 2009, the state had no records that I had ever worked there. However i had documentation and was able to successfully appeal my unemployment claim and receive unemployment benefits even though the organization had not been paying into the system while I was there.
I'd suggest that if you have documentation such as job offer letter, pay stubs, W-2. filed tax returns, and/or a separation letter, etc., it wouldn't hurt to apply for unemployment and appeal the decision if it is denied. It's not difficult. I was able to successfully appeal without any outside help, although I'm sure you could find some sort of legal clinic to help you if you needed it.
posted by kaybdc at 3:34 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
Just for some back story, I got a grant funded position at a non-profit in October 2009. Long story short, the organization had all sorts of financial problems, misappropriated funds from the grant that was supposed to support my position and the grant was rescinded in June 2010. I applied for unemployment and was initially denied because since the organization had not filed any paperwork or paid any taxes since the second quarter of 2009, the state had no records that I had ever worked there. However i had documentation and was able to successfully appeal my unemployment claim and receive unemployment benefits even though the organization had not been paying into the system while I was there.
I'd suggest that if you have documentation such as job offer letter, pay stubs, W-2. filed tax returns, and/or a separation letter, etc., it wouldn't hurt to apply for unemployment and appeal the decision if it is denied. It's not difficult. I was able to successfully appeal without any outside help, although I'm sure you could find some sort of legal clinic to help you if you needed it.
posted by kaybdc at 3:34 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
Nonprofits often try to get away with not paying UI or SSI so their employees are screwed when they leave. It is, however, flagrantly illegal - and unless you got paid in cash, fairly easy to document. Go in to talk to the unemployment people, but also consider making a complaint to the Department of Labor about them. You may be eligible for monetary damages.
posted by corb at 3:38 PM on July 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by corb at 3:38 PM on July 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
(FWIW, my experience in Georgia was that you are not guaranteed to get unemployment if you worked at a nonprofit.)
posted by runningwithscissors at 4:05 PM on July 7, 2012
posted by runningwithscissors at 4:05 PM on July 7, 2012
I'm not sure where you heard that nonprofits don't pay into unemployment - of course they do, they are employers and they have to, it's not legal not to. Have a look at your old pay stubs and see what was drawn out. If nothing was, you may have a pretty big case to bring to the Labor dept, as corb says.
posted by Miko at 4:32 PM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Miko at 4:32 PM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
Unless that non-profit is a church. I've run into that myself.
posted by skypieces at 7:07 PM on July 7, 2012
posted by skypieces at 7:07 PM on July 7, 2012
Is your wife working? If not, can she? If her asthma is less debilitiating than your hernia, you might do better to be at home with the kids (if they're young) and work on your health while she takes a temp job or any job she can find/manage. If she can do that, it will help tide you over until you can get your own affairs in shape.
Re mental health: you might check in with your local Unitarian church; ours has free yoga classes and family events that can take some pressure off your family, and they don't require you to adhere to a dogma or tithe. It's not as good as a therapist but it's free and better than nothing. Like most churches, they also tend to have food pantries and to try to help members find jobs, housing, medical assistance, etc. Just having other people to talk to can help you not to feel alone and abandoned and that can make all the difference when you need help to keep going.
You're not a lead weight; your family loves you and needs you, not for money but because you're their dad and husband. Try to hold on for your sake and theirs.
You don't say what state you're in, so I can't give you any specific links for assistance.
If you've got more than one car and can let the other one get repo'd, you will still be able to make do with one. It's a pain, but do-able.
Depending on what state you are in and what stage of nonpayment, eviction may take a little while; you might be able to stave it off if one of you can get some work money coming in.
If not, are any of your friends able to take you in for a month? Or family?
posted by emjaybee at 7:39 PM on July 7, 2012
Re mental health: you might check in with your local Unitarian church; ours has free yoga classes and family events that can take some pressure off your family, and they don't require you to adhere to a dogma or tithe. It's not as good as a therapist but it's free and better than nothing. Like most churches, they also tend to have food pantries and to try to help members find jobs, housing, medical assistance, etc. Just having other people to talk to can help you not to feel alone and abandoned and that can make all the difference when you need help to keep going.
You're not a lead weight; your family loves you and needs you, not for money but because you're their dad and husband. Try to hold on for your sake and theirs.
You don't say what state you're in, so I can't give you any specific links for assistance.
If you've got more than one car and can let the other one get repo'd, you will still be able to make do with one. It's a pain, but do-able.
Depending on what state you are in and what stage of nonpayment, eviction may take a little while; you might be able to stave it off if one of you can get some work money coming in.
If not, are any of your friends able to take you in for a month? Or family?
posted by emjaybee at 7:39 PM on July 7, 2012
My parents volunteer for Catholic Services and you should definitely get in touch with them. N'thing that you don't need to be catholic yourself.
posted by fshgrl at 8:51 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by fshgrl at 8:51 PM on July 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
OP, if you could use the contact form so the mods can post what state (and ideally county/major city) you're in, that would be terrifically helpful. If you happen to be in Ohio, please call the Benefits Bank on Monday morning, and the Rehabilitation Services Commission after that.
I suggest that in any case you find an in-person support group to attend (they're typically free) so you have someplace you can talk about your issues pending the availability of therapy. The United Way can definitely point you in the right direction for all kinds of help.
posted by SMPA at 9:26 PM on July 7, 2012
I suggest that in any case you find an in-person support group to attend (they're typically free) so you have someplace you can talk about your issues pending the availability of therapy. The United Way can definitely point you in the right direction for all kinds of help.
posted by SMPA at 9:26 PM on July 7, 2012
Suggest you buy Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. Its therapy in a book. Do the exercises daily for months without stopping.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:59 PM on July 7, 2012
posted by Ironmouth at 9:59 PM on July 7, 2012
Just wanted to say based on all of the AWESOME possibilities and resources cited above...
- Maybe because of your upbringing, you've accepted circumstances from your employers ("authority figures") that folks brought up differently would have gone to WAR over (in terms of lawsuits, verifying your employment rights - that sort of thing.)
In the short-term, you have no choice but to go against your (perceived) nature of who you are, and simply start fighting. Track down every opportunity.
You are NOT a charity case in my eyes!!
You might be someone who was taught to accept less as being acceptable. This is a lie. We're all lied to. This does not make you a fool or unworthy. It makes you like the rest of us. Really.
If you have been acknowledged as a reliable and hard worker, and you have, then I invite you to re-think your view of yourself. You are much much better a person than you know right now. That is clear from your explanation in your AskMe.
You have a wife and family you love?
Dude. You already won the game.
So many people are without this, the highest of accolades and assets in Life.
---
Please update this thread, or post in MetaTalk if you feel comfortable doing that. I'd love to know that situations have improved, as I believe they will.
posted by jbenben at 11:22 PM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
- Maybe because of your upbringing, you've accepted circumstances from your employers ("authority figures") that folks brought up differently would have gone to WAR over (in terms of lawsuits, verifying your employment rights - that sort of thing.)
In the short-term, you have no choice but to go against your (perceived) nature of who you are, and simply start fighting. Track down every opportunity.
You are NOT a charity case in my eyes!!
You might be someone who was taught to accept less as being acceptable. This is a lie. We're all lied to. This does not make you a fool or unworthy. It makes you like the rest of us. Really.
If you have been acknowledged as a reliable and hard worker, and you have, then I invite you to re-think your view of yourself. You are much much better a person than you know right now. That is clear from your explanation in your AskMe.
You have a wife and family you love?
Dude. You already won the game.
So many people are without this, the highest of accolades and assets in Life.
---
Please update this thread, or post in MetaTalk if you feel comfortable doing that. I'd love to know that situations have improved, as I believe they will.
posted by jbenben at 11:22 PM on July 7, 2012 [3 favorites]
We keep hitting runs of bad luck.
OK. Deep breath. Do you understand how many people in the US right now are having a four-year "run of bad luck"? Not to mention the world? We're in a global economic slowdown unseen in most people's lifetimes. The fact that there are fewer jobs than workers means a hell of a lot of us are in the "bad luck" column. You are NOT the bad penny here. I'm glad, at least, you're understanding that it's luck rather than you, but you do seem to be taking the burden of being a burden too seriously. It isn't your fault.
I can't afford COBRA payments to keep insurance. My wife has asthma.
COBRA is for people who expect to get a job soon. COBRA is unaffordable for someone who can't expect one. Accept that you and your wife will need to seek other medical arrangements. That might be your state's Medicaid; that might be private free/subsidized medical care. There are ways to get asthma medications from pharmaceutical companies, for example, such as patient assistance programs. They exist for cases like yours.
My rent and car payments are so far behind, we are about to lose our one car and be evicted from our house. The water was shut off yesterday.
If you're in these dire straits, keeping that car payment monkey on your back is only hurting you. Sell the car now and use the cash to get yourself a clunker that will get you through. Look at your budget and find a cheaper place.
I have to read myself to sleep each night because I get panicked that I will die in my sleep
This is pure anxiety exacerbated by stress. There are medications for this.
I always used to be such a positive person, but I feel like I have been smacked down so many times over the past few years that I can't find it in me to get back up. I never contemplate suicide or giving up.
I'm glad you've never contemplated suicide. But you have to allow yourself room to admit that you are dealing with depression. Get the Feeling Good book -- used copies on Amazon, or go to the library. It will help you, even if you don't have a way to get a therapist right now. I'm concerned that you're exhibiting what Burns and Beck (his mentor) call cognitive fallacies such as black-and-white thinking and catastrophizing. These can paralyze you and make you feel anything you try will only make things worse, but it's just a mental trap.
Your job situation is one thing. Your rent situation is another. Your charity situation is another. What you need to do is break these down into manageable pieces so you can attack them one by one, instead of every single day seeming like that sinkhole. Get a charity caseworker, someone who can help you find the programs that are avaiable for you. Get yourself open to thinking outside the box. Can bankruptcy help with your debts? Is there a family member who can take your kids for a while, for instance? It will beat them being homeless with you if that's what happens. I would plan for a period of living outside of your (clunker!) car, even if you never end up there -- what do you need? What is important to you? What can you send home to your parents so that losing everything isn't losing everything forever? The prepared mind is stronger. People survive homelessness [example -- this former addict is now on the County Board] and go on to live exemplary, productive lives. It isn't the end of the world, it's just the end of the world as you know it.
posted by dhartung at 12:01 AM on July 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
OK. Deep breath. Do you understand how many people in the US right now are having a four-year "run of bad luck"? Not to mention the world? We're in a global economic slowdown unseen in most people's lifetimes. The fact that there are fewer jobs than workers means a hell of a lot of us are in the "bad luck" column. You are NOT the bad penny here. I'm glad, at least, you're understanding that it's luck rather than you, but you do seem to be taking the burden of being a burden too seriously. It isn't your fault.
I can't afford COBRA payments to keep insurance. My wife has asthma.
COBRA is for people who expect to get a job soon. COBRA is unaffordable for someone who can't expect one. Accept that you and your wife will need to seek other medical arrangements. That might be your state's Medicaid; that might be private free/subsidized medical care. There are ways to get asthma medications from pharmaceutical companies, for example, such as patient assistance programs. They exist for cases like yours.
My rent and car payments are so far behind, we are about to lose our one car and be evicted from our house. The water was shut off yesterday.
If you're in these dire straits, keeping that car payment monkey on your back is only hurting you. Sell the car now and use the cash to get yourself a clunker that will get you through. Look at your budget and find a cheaper place.
I have to read myself to sleep each night because I get panicked that I will die in my sleep
This is pure anxiety exacerbated by stress. There are medications for this.
I always used to be such a positive person, but I feel like I have been smacked down so many times over the past few years that I can't find it in me to get back up. I never contemplate suicide or giving up.
I'm glad you've never contemplated suicide. But you have to allow yourself room to admit that you are dealing with depression. Get the Feeling Good book -- used copies on Amazon, or go to the library. It will help you, even if you don't have a way to get a therapist right now. I'm concerned that you're exhibiting what Burns and Beck (his mentor) call cognitive fallacies such as black-and-white thinking and catastrophizing. These can paralyze you and make you feel anything you try will only make things worse, but it's just a mental trap.
Your job situation is one thing. Your rent situation is another. Your charity situation is another. What you need to do is break these down into manageable pieces so you can attack them one by one, instead of every single day seeming like that sinkhole. Get a charity caseworker, someone who can help you find the programs that are avaiable for you. Get yourself open to thinking outside the box. Can bankruptcy help with your debts? Is there a family member who can take your kids for a while, for instance? It will beat them being homeless with you if that's what happens. I would plan for a period of living outside of your (clunker!) car, even if you never end up there -- what do you need? What is important to you? What can you send home to your parents so that losing everything isn't losing everything forever? The prepared mind is stronger. People survive homelessness [example -- this former addict is now on the County Board] and go on to live exemplary, productive lives. It isn't the end of the world, it's just the end of the world as you know it.
posted by dhartung at 12:01 AM on July 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
There is so much good advice in this thread and it all seems overwhelming. If this were me, I would make a spreadsheet or a checklist of things you can do to improve in various areas. I would make a separate checklist for each area, like job-seeking, applying for benefits, figuring out healthcare, feeding the family, and (I haven't seen anyone mention this yet...) improving your own health. Writing it all down in an organized way helps me to keep the overwhelming-ness out of the picture, and I really feel good when I can check off accomplishments: I went for a walk today; I turned in an application for food stamps; I applied for 2 jobs; I read a chapter of a recommended book.
When I have accomplishments to point to, it helps me to keep the "OMG we're heading for the falls" to a minimum.
posted by CathyG at 4:14 PM on July 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
When I have accomplishments to point to, it helps me to keep the "OMG we're heading for the falls" to a minimum.
posted by CathyG at 4:14 PM on July 8, 2012 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I don't know how you can get yourself back on the right track emotionally; things generally go pretty well for me and I still have the same kinds of emotions you do.
But the bit I quoted above is almost certainly illegal, and depending on how long ago it was, you may have a case against that company. Particularly if you have it in writing that they fired you as a result of a disability.
posted by downing street memo at 9:02 AM on July 7, 2012 [7 favorites]