Slow lover seduction
July 4, 2012 4:57 PM Subscribe
We've been married for 5 years now and since the beginning my wife has had male lovers although we've always played together...how can we keep the tension going for longer before we all get to the bedroom?
Usually we find guys on swing sites, meet up have a drink and take it from there rather quickly and then never see the guy again. We were wondering if anyone has had an experience where things have held off for longer...where the "bull" has been patient, understanding and maybe intelligent enough to go the slow seduction route and get some real serious chemistry going over a long period of time...and then become a second "husband" so to speak.
No harsh comments please, we are very open-minded, please repsect that!
Usually we find guys on swing sites, meet up have a drink and take it from there rather quickly and then never see the guy again. We were wondering if anyone has had an experience where things have held off for longer...where the "bull" has been patient, understanding and maybe intelligent enough to go the slow seduction route and get some real serious chemistry going over a long period of time...and then become a second "husband" so to speak.
No harsh comments please, we are very open-minded, please repsect that!
It isn't necessarily difficult to find someone who is "patient, understanding and maybe intelligent enough to go the slow seduction route and get some real serious chemistry going over a long period of time...and then become a second "husband" so to speak" compared to the real trick of finding someone who wants all of those things, to be a husband but not to have a wife. Please keep the emotional health of this person at the forefront of your mind -- you'll be asking a lot from them.
posted by telegraph at 5:06 PM on July 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by telegraph at 5:06 PM on July 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
and then become a second "husband" so to speak
As desjardins says, it sounds like you are starting to be more interested in what gets called polyamory, rather than the more casual swinging/playing/sharing/etc scene. It's been discussed before here, and there are dedicated resources to it on the internet (including a reddit subsite). But that's going to be your key search term for finding resources, forums, and (hopefully) people.
posted by Forktine at 5:19 PM on July 4, 2012
As desjardins says, it sounds like you are starting to be more interested in what gets called polyamory, rather than the more casual swinging/playing/sharing/etc scene. It's been discussed before here, and there are dedicated resources to it on the internet (including a reddit subsite). But that's going to be your key search term for finding resources, forums, and (hopefully) people.
posted by Forktine at 5:19 PM on July 4, 2012
Stop looking for a "bull" on swinger sites. Start looking for local poly gatherings. Any big city should have some. Maybe you'll find a secondary. Maybe you'll find someone to turn your marriage into a triad, which is what it sorta sounds like you want.
My experience is that these things go best when there's a physical bond between everyone - it was damn hot to watch my husbands kiss each other!
The biggest thing to keep in mind is to process your feelings. If something starts to feel weird, TALK ABOUT IT with BOTH partners. Really.
posted by egypturnash at 9:46 PM on July 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
My experience is that these things go best when there's a physical bond between everyone - it was damn hot to watch my husbands kiss each other!
The biggest thing to keep in mind is to process your feelings. If something starts to feel weird, TALK ABOUT IT with BOTH partners. Really.
posted by egypturnash at 9:46 PM on July 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is a good book about different models for non-monogamous relationships. I strongly recommend it.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:33 AM on July 5, 2012
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:33 AM on July 5, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by desjardins at 4:59 PM on July 4, 2012 [8 favorites]