I'm always the last to know about get-togethers with my friends
July 4, 2012 10:30 AM Subscribe
I've noticed lately that some new friends I've met last year via a social anxiety meetup group make plans for getting together amongst themselves and then inform me at the last minute, after all the plans have been made. This bothers me and I don't know why it's happening. Any insights on what I could do to handle it without sounding like a whiny child?
posted by starpoint to human relations (23 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
So the 4 of us are around the same age (late 20s, early 30s) and we all met for the first time at a meetup group for folks with social anxiety. At first I felt very included, like I found people who "get" me and we all relate well to each other. For once, I felt like I was part of a group and not just on the fringe of a group.
We try to get together occasionally to do something fun, but we are all very busy and don't live near each other to hang out more often.
Lately I've noticed that I always seem to be the last person to know about these get-togethers. One of the girls will text me on the day before, asking me if I want to join them the next day for something that they've planned. When I ask for more details, I get told logistics, like "oh so and so are all meeting up at my place and we've decided X", meaning everyone else was in on the planning process and they asked me as an afterthought.
So for some reason, they no longer seem to include me in the planning process. It's happened several times now. I've not been able to figure out why. I didn't do or say anything that might cause problems, and I never sense that anything is wrong when I'm with them. Typically several weeks pass between our get togethers, so maybe time is the culprit? But really, I am only a text message away. I don't see why I am not considered important enough to be included when planning.
This is not a case of several of them knowing each other longer. We're all generally new to the area and we all met for the first time last year. None of us live in the same town (we're scattered around the Bay Area)
I'm grateful to even have friends (they are really great girls) and I'm trying not to let it bother me, but it's eating me up inside. I was wondering what any of you would do if you felt like you were in this situation. This sort of thing has happened to me my entire life, and now it's happening with the one group of friends who I thought "got" me, since we all suffer from social anxiety. Always feeling left out and like I don't fit in with society has been a common source of anxiety and extreme stress for me, and it seems like I can't escape it, no matter where I go or who I hang with (even fellow social anxiety sufferers). Do I bring it up with them? How do I do so, without sounding like a baby? Thanks in advance for any insights.