Do I need to platonically dump my platonic crush?
July 3, 2012 7:33 PM Subscribe
I'm having unhealthy feelings towards one of my best friends. Can I salvage this relationship, or do I need a clean break?
posted by anonymous to human relations (13 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
In the past year I made a new friend, Jill, who has quickly become one of my closest friends -- definitely the strongest relationship I've formed since college. We're both women who identify as 'mostly straight'; she's in a monogamish marriage, I'm single.
Lately I've noticed that the way I react to Jill's behavior is more like how I do with a crush than with my other friends. I get excited when she texts me and feel let down if she takes too long to respond, and I get nervous/jealous when she talks about meeting new people or friends of hers that I don't know. For me this is textbook "I have a crush!". However, I don't want to be in a relationship with Jill or even to have sex with her (we've done it and mutually decided not to do it again) -- I just have those crush-like thrill feelings from our day to day normal friendship. The jealousy/anxiety is what's really worrying for me.
Do I need to cut her out of my life and treat this like a break up in order to get over her and get past these feelings? Or can I chill out and get over it while keeping her as a friend, since we were never really dating anyway? If so... how do I do that? I know this sounds like limerance which should just fade with time but... it's been a while already.
And yes, I'm in therapy.