Help. I have forgotten how to shop for clothes for myself and don't know where to start.

June 27, 2012 12:59 PM

I am job hunting and need to learn to buy clothes that compliment me and that do not convey the obvious discomfort that wearing a suit would convey. Also, I am so out of the loop for clothes shopping that I feel overwhelmed when I try to even think about shopping for clothes. (This question gets long.)

I'm a middle age white guy who will be 47 next month and I have never had a job where I had to dress "professionally" in any way. That's fine, and I hope my next job is that as well, but the last time I was job hunting was 2002 and I can't even remember what clothes I wore to interviews ten years ago. I know I didn't wear suits, just slacks and a button up shirt and maybe a tie. Probably not a sports coat.

However, since then, I have not remotely invested in clothing for a few reasons: money, parenthood, type of job I have. In fact, since my daughter was born in 2008 I have barely been able to find a moment to spend any time shopping, much less actually considering a "style" I might be able to have or to consider what types of clothes look best on me. Money is also tight, and I have been setting aside money for the purchase of clothes for an upcoming job search in another city. I have also been working with my wife to set aside time for me to actually go and do some clothes shopping during July, the month before we set off on a vacation in the city where I will be job hunting. So, I have the money and time part settled out and planned. It's the other part that's currently a challenge.

I do computer field work for a large academic/medical institution. There are many divisions of IT, and my division is very laid back about the type of clothing we can wear, and ultimately I have settled into jeans, t-shirts and hoodies from Threadless for my daily work wear. I still have to crawl under desk on a regular basis after all, and slacks and button up long sleeve shirts don't exactly lends themselves to that sort of activity (although I do own a few pairs of slacks and some Dickies work pants and button up shirts). For the most part, though, this has really put me into a mind-space where I have completely forgotten how to buy clothes for myself.

I have taken the step of asking a good friend to go shopping with me during the next month when I have time and he has time and he is someone that genuinely was able to make the almost exact same transition from the jeans and t-shirts casual look to a more stylish and semi-professional look that doesn't scream "suit" but makes him look a bit more professional than what you would wear to a concert or movie outing.

This is complicated by the fact that I have some serious dislikes about certain clothing: tan pants, knit shirts, brown shoes, pleated pants, button down collars. These are all things that I really detest not only the look of, but the look and feel of on me. (Oddly enough, despite my dislike of button down collars, I quite like ties just fine.)

I certainly have things I am drawn to and like, but quite often what I find is that I honestly have no idea how to "fit" myself into these clothes. I have a tendency to buy too large for myself in nearly every piece of clothing (I weight about 155-160 most of the time - sometimes getting to 150), but my hips are weirdly shaped (my wife says I have girl hips, and she's probably right) which makes buying pants a confusing experience of finding something comfortable around my waist that doesn't end up being a sagging piece of cloth off my butt and around my legs. I tend toward loose clothes for comfort, but they usually look terrible and shabby on me.

Where do I even start now?
Are there web sites on how to teach myself how to clothes shop for someone my age?

A general guide to what I am looking for:
(1)Semi-professional pants/slacks that fit that are not tan in color and that do not have pleats.
(2)Complimentary long and short sleeve button up shirts for these pants but no button down colors.
(3)Complimentary shoes (and I will go with brown if they work well with everything else)
(4)Two different but complimentary sports coats that I can mix and match.
(5)An idea of how many of each of the above to buy that will mix and match complimentarily with the jackets.
(6)All of the above should be semi-professional enough to wear to job interviews and pass with a field tech manager as "dressing up for the interview" without being a suit.

As much as I might have a sort of fantasy about a nice, well fitted suit, my obvious discomfort with them projects from me like the lights from a fire engine.

For additional info: City is Birmingham, AL. Job types will be similar to the job I have now (Tier 1 / Tier 3 computer field technician).

*whew* Thanks to anyone who made it this far and more thanks to anyone willing to answer such a long and obscenely non-serious question.

posted by anonymous to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (12 answers total)

You should go to a store with helpful salespeople and tell them the gist of what you have told us here. Arm yourself with your list and a specific dollar amount that you want to stay under (check with someone else, maybe your wife, to see if this is a realistic number). This should be a store that is a notch up from your usual price range, but not a break-the-bank place. They should have a liberal return policy or you should bring that friend to double check everything you pick out. Ideally you would go on a weekday afternoon so they are not busy and have plenty of time to spend with you.

You may need to go to another store for shoes.
posted by soelo at 1:15 PM on June 27, 2012

There absolutely is a website devoted to teaching guys to shop for clothing. It's called Put This On. Highlights include dressing for IT guys, tailoring and alterations, and dressing for job interviews.
posted by pie ninja at 1:17 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]

The fact that you've probably never owned a suit that has fit correctly is the reason you feel completely uncomfortable wearing them.

That aside, you sound like you're on the right track. There is no reason to buy brown shoes if you don't want to. A pair of black dress shoes will be just fine.

Echoing soelo, you really want to go to a department store that has helpful salespeople who will give you better guidance about what the correct fit for your clothes is.
posted by deanc at 1:21 PM on June 27, 2012

I work for a small, casual (the norm in this field), tech-y company. We generally interview at least one guy a week, and what they wear runs the gamut from ratty t-shirt and jeans to crisp suit. Both extremes (in this field) are "bad" (though, honestly, if they have the chops, it doesn't matter one teensy bit what they're wearing).

Here's what to avoid:

-Anything that doesn't fit well. Loose, baggy, too-tight, or too-short will make you look like a child borrowing his dad's/friend's clothes.
-Threadless-type t-shirts with crap printed on them.
-Plain black suit with white shirt. Looks way too formal.

Here's what you should wear:

-Dark flat-front slacks. (Gray/dark gray is a nice neutral color that looks sharp and put-together without being too formal. Maybe look for something with a slight pinstripe or texture so that it disguises rumpling from your lady hips.) Avoid khakis/chinos
-Button-down LONG-sleved collared shirt in a complementary color. Avoid white, avoid black. Make sure it fits, for the love of god. Tie unnecessary. Do not wear a polo shirt.


Basically: shirt and pants that fit and are clean and pressed. It's pretty much the interview uniform for this sort of job.
posted by phunniemee at 1:29 PM on June 27, 2012

I studied clothes -- had tons of books on the topic -- and at one time I wanted to be an image consultant. Some advice adapted from one or more of those books:

Pick the two jackets first. The first jacket should be in a pattern with two main colors. Pick something that looks good on you and is fairly timeless, like a herringbone, stripe, plaid or check. The two main colors of this jacket will be the basis for a mix and match wardrobe, so keep that in mind. One of the colors should probably be blue, black or some other neutral that works well for you. The second jacket should be a solid color in one of the main, colors of your patterned jacket. Say a black and white check for the first jacket, a solid black for the second.

Get betwen three and five pairs of pants that go well with both jackets. If you liked suits, the first two pair could be matches which completed the suit look. The others can be in the same colors or not. For the proposed jackets above, that might mean a black and white check, another in solid black, possibly one white pair and two in different shades of grey.

Buy five shirts. Again, the first couple should kind of match the jackets, but shirts are a great place to toss in something more colorful, like a red shirt or mustard yellow.

Get one to two pairs of shoes. If you bought one white pair of pants, you probably need a white pair of shoes. If not, if all pants are black, grey, or patterned, you might be fine with one black pair. It just depends.

Accessorize with ties, belts, etc.
posted by Michele in California at 1:34 PM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]

Go to Macy's they have suit separates. They also have suits. Go on a sale day, but find someone who can help you select the suit. You will need to have it tailored. Accept that.

In the south it's too damn hot for wool. Try a lightweight fabric, but not linen. I love seersucker, but unless you're willing to wear it with a bow tie, just don't. They had Kenneth Cole Reaction suits in a charcoal gray that I bought for Husbunny. It's incredibly versitile and lightweight. Flat front pants, nice looking jacket.

Get properly measured. Good dress shirts can be had at very reasonable prices at Macys, but the sizing is neck size in inches, 17, 17 1/2, 18, etc. And then the arm measurement.

For heaven's sake, when you get the suit home, slice open the pockets, remove the X at the back of the jacket where the slit is held together and above all, TAKE THE SEWN ON TAG ON THE SLEEVE OFF! Better yet, have the tailor do that.

Get as many dress shirts as you can get, expect to pay about $20 for these, with coupons, credit card, sale prices. I found a Ben Sherman for $20 in an 18 neck! An outstanding bargain. A lot of the nicer shirts are in no-iron fabrics. This is the way to go.

For regular daily wear, get yourself some chinos. They come in all colors. Then get yourself some shirts. Husbunny like Nautica, Polo, Tommy Hilfiger and Lacoste. Then it's Garanimals from there. He's color blind so I hang them together in the closet.

Get a good pair of shoes. Loafers are probably the best bet, brown, oxblood or black (match your suit). A comfy pair of Sperry Docksiders, worn barefoot, will do for every day.

We got Husbunny a pair of Cole Haan loafers at Nordstrom for our wedding in 2002. They were $200 but he still has them and they look brand new.

Get a new belt a dressy one for the suit and a brown woven one for everything else. Don't wear white socks with your loafers, get a pair of neutral socks in black, brown, gray or burgundy. Not flesh colored!

You want your gear to be clean, pressed and not obviously trashed.

Also a haircut is a good thing.

Now you're set!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:45 PM on June 27, 2012

If I were a fellow, instead of just a mannish person, I would probably acquire grey pants (for preference two pairs in different greys), a couple of non-button-down shirts* in a blue and a blue stripe and a couple of what they call in the men's blogs "odd jackets" - jackets that compliment the pants rather than match them. This is one step down from a suit and will probably be at the top of the "as formal as you want to be" for IT jobs and academia. If you go with blues and greys, you can get black shoes - remember that formal shoes should not have a "puffy" or sneaker-like silhouette.

Honestly, if you're not sure about how clothes work, you should just get a couple of suits since they are so obvious. Remember to get colors that compliment your coloring - don't get grey-with-brown-undertones if browns look bad on you. Go to several upmarket consignment shops in New City and then have them tailored to fit. Wear them around a couple of times before you start interviewing.

Remember also to get suits that eschew anything fashion-y - lapels should be medium width (should not strike you as especially wide or especially narrow). Shoulders should be un- or slightly-padded. There should not be different colored stitching or funny pockets.

A tailor will be able to make even a meh suit look really good.


*by "button-down" do you mean "shirts where there are little buttons on the actual collar? That's a button down. A button-front is a shirt that buttons up the front. You will for sure need to wear these to interviews, although you can perhaps wear a soft one since it's IT.
posted by Frowner at 1:50 PM on June 27, 2012

I'm a serious believer in colored buttoned shirts for men, and I mean good saturated color, not wimpy pastels. Something like the red and the blue here is good.

For an IT job interview, I think you'd be fine wearing something like this with plain black pants (black Dockers are OK in my book, but you could be a little more formal if you want) and black belt, socks and loafers or oxfords. You like ties, so get a nice tie in a print (maybe a Jerry Garcia?) that echoes the shirt color somewhere. The shirt's dominant enough that you won't need a jacket (especially in Alabama, where I don't even want to think about the heat right now) and you won't look like you're missing the jacket, which an Oxford-shirt-and-tie combo suggests.

(I'm a lady who hates women's suits and is ill suited to them so I've gone to an all-black dress "uniform" with a bright-colored drapey jacket over it. I think I've just given you the male version of what I wear. But I completely understand the idea that you won't "project" well because you're so uncomfortable with the suit, so I hope what I'm passing along makes sense for you too.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:55 PM on June 27, 2012

If there is a Nordstrom near you, go there! They have personal shoppers who will help you and an alterations department.
posted by jgirl at 2:16 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]

If you're absolutely opposed to a suit at the interview, I would go with something like this:

-White dress shirt (light blue would also work)
-Grey flannel slacks, plain front, no cuff
-Solid navy jacket (single breasted, two button or "three roll two" - three button but only the lower two are usable, notch lapel)
-Black dress shoes with either a plain toe or cap toe (no black sneakers, no loafers, no buckles - all too casual)
-Black socks, black belt
-Colored tie (your choice, basically nothing will clash with whatever you pick) in a simple pattern
-Watch and wedding band if you wear them. No other jewelry.

Get all of these things tailored. Well... not the socks. Shirt sleeves should reach just to the base of your thumb, and the collar should be just tight enough to allow two fingers in between the cloth and your neck. Proper slacks will not sit on your waist but up near your hips, and the hem should not "break" too much - that is, don't leave a puddle of fabric lying around your ankles. Jacket should sit straight down your shoulders and should not be too loose when buttoned. Jacket should also cover your butt when standing.
posted by backseatpilot at 2:27 PM on June 27, 2012

I'm also going to suggest a personal shopper though it doesn't look like there's a Nordstrom near you -- they are kind of perfect, good quality and variety and you can put together a few very nice outfits without breaking the bank. But, maybe there's another high-end department store near you that might have this? I think since you're so out of practice, having someone help you put together a few outfits would be really rewarding so call around and see what you can find. Give them a budget and you can copy and paste most of the details you've put here in an email to them.

I'm similarly challenged and have gotten a tremendous reboot in my wardrobe this year by doing the Nordstrom personal shopper thing. It really helped me get out of my rut. I gave them a budget of $400 and asked for business casual staples. So, stuff that can mix and match with other stuff. They had other questions for me that I answered and when I arrived there were four complete outfits waiting for me to try on and then the shopper went and fetched more things.
posted by amanda at 3:29 PM on June 27, 2012

I'm an IT guy (developer, now a manager, more than a support guy, but I've been there and crawled under desks). I'm younger than you but I've interviewed people at several jobs. None of your restrictions will exclude the clothes that will make you look good in an interview, so that's good.

1. Trousers: try Banana Republic. The fit runs slim, so it might work well for your girlish figure. I think everything they sell is flat front. You can also try Brooks Brothers, or failing either of those, Dillard's and/or Macy's. You're just interviewing for now, so you can get away with buying only two pair. You can't go wrong with one black, one grey flannel. Despite the comment above wool is excellent in all but the worst heat, as it wicks better than cotton. In the height of DC summer I'm a huge fan of linen, but it wrinkles and probably isn't good interview attire.
2. Shirts: the most important thing here is fit; the second most important thing is to get a style of collar that looks good on you and won't look silly in a few years. Brooks Brothers is probably a good place to start, since their employees should do a good job fitting you. Once you find a shirt that fits you properly, note the neck and arm measurements and the cut of the shirt itself (is it athletic, traditional, trim, or something else?). Buy enough shirts to wear a fresh one for each interview. I personally don't like wrinkle-free shirts, but ironing in a hotel room is a pain so make your own choice on that. You can just get white ones for interviewing (especially if you haven't bought your sportcoats), but you can also take the coats to the store to make sure any patterns mix well (bring a friend). For interviewing, buy only long-sleeved shirts. Actually I think that's true for life because only IT guys wear short-sleeved shirts.
3. You should never need brown shoes. Shoes, I think, are where IT guys who are uncomfortable with clothing are often most identifiable (well, except for the short-sleeved shirts), as there's a group tendency to settle on something comfortable without realizing how ugly it is (Rockports, Clarks, anything "air-soled"). Something like this will look sharp in an interview. These are cheaper and still sharp without being super-trendy. Also, do your shoes a favor and get some wooden shoe trees. You can get by with two. When you remove a pair of shoes, put the shoe trees in and let them sit a day. If you end up with more than two pairs of dress shoes you can pull the trees out of the pair you wore the day before yesterday.
4. Sport coats: I buy all mine at a locally owned place in my home town. Well, my mom buys half of them (still) but that's another story. In descending order, I'd go: local shop, department store, Brooks Brothers, other. Look for something in silk or lightweight wool. Tell them you're matching it with black and grey trousers.
5. Quantities: two pairs of trousers, two sportcoats, at least three shirts, one pair of shoes if you're flying, two if you're driving. If you're going for more than three days, you can either buy more shirts or have the first two laundered and pressed on the third day. In the case of a followup interview on a different day, try to wear some other combination than you wore the first time, but people will also understand since you're from out of town.

General tips: you can wear a coat without a tie, but you should never wear a tie without a coat (you look like a waiter or a stereotypical IT guy, and ties are impractical if you're under a desk). I always wear a t-shirt or undershirt. For dress shirts with interviews, buy a new pack of undershirts. Even in the heat, I find it more comfortable, and dress shirts look crisper and last longer. Get a new black belt to go with your new black shoes. You can wear the same belt every day.

One last thing: get a babysitter, dress up in your new clothes, and take your wife out to dinner. It will work wonders on your confidence.
posted by fedward at 8:08 PM on June 27, 2012