How do I deal with the groups of kids on my lawn?
June 27, 2012 10:53 AM Subscribe
Stayoffmylawnfilter: are my feelings unreasonable, here?
So, last year my husband and I bought a house with a small backyard with a huge shade tree in it. We're in our late 20's. When it's nice, I like to take a chair over in the shade and watch my cats play/ read/ do some sewing. I'm also 8 months pregnant with my first baby, so I like the breeze. Possible relevant detail - I'm a high school teacher, so I am now at home all day.
We live on a corner, so it faces another house's front yard. That house has approximately the same size front/back yard as we do. There are a number of kids that live in the other house, and they have started coming over to my yard and hanging out under the tree. I don't mind when it's just a few (3-4) of them and they're sitting, but today there were more like 8 of them, ranging in age from an infant (daughter of one of the teenagers) to children to teenagers. The teenage boys were roughhousing with the younger boys, so I went outside and told them that I didn't mind them sitting down, but I would prefer it if they wouldn't roughhouse when on my property because I felt responsible if something would happen. The older boys tried to argue that no one was being hurt, but I reiterated that I was uncomfortable with it and if they didn't like it they could leave. They stayed about 10 more minutes, then left.
One more possibly relevant detail - my husband is huge - 6'6'' and very strong. I don't get nearly as nervous about this when he's here, but he does work during the summer, so I'm home alone during the day. Right now, he's gone on a week-long overnight trip for work. Also, from what I've seen - both parents work at the house across the street and the kids are mostly unsupervised during the day.
So my question is this: in general, I really don't like it when they hang out there because they make quite a bit of noise, leave trash, and make me feel somewhat "invaded". The neighborhood is exclusively older, retired couples, and young professionals with young children other than this family. I really *don't* mind when it's just a few of the teenage girls sitting while they talk and feed the baby, and I like it when the kids play in the street and ride their bikes. And I really do like teenagers... I teach high school and I love my job! But this makes me really uncomfortable, and I'm not sure those feelings are reasonable. What do you think? What should I do about this in general? I have no doubt that they'll be back - I've seen them over 5 times out there this summer, and I'm sure there's times that I'm not at home, as well.
So, last year my husband and I bought a house with a small backyard with a huge shade tree in it. We're in our late 20's. When it's nice, I like to take a chair over in the shade and watch my cats play/ read/ do some sewing. I'm also 8 months pregnant with my first baby, so I like the breeze. Possible relevant detail - I'm a high school teacher, so I am now at home all day.
We live on a corner, so it faces another house's front yard. That house has approximately the same size front/back yard as we do. There are a number of kids that live in the other house, and they have started coming over to my yard and hanging out under the tree. I don't mind when it's just a few (3-4) of them and they're sitting, but today there were more like 8 of them, ranging in age from an infant (daughter of one of the teenagers) to children to teenagers. The teenage boys were roughhousing with the younger boys, so I went outside and told them that I didn't mind them sitting down, but I would prefer it if they wouldn't roughhouse when on my property because I felt responsible if something would happen. The older boys tried to argue that no one was being hurt, but I reiterated that I was uncomfortable with it and if they didn't like it they could leave. They stayed about 10 more minutes, then left.
One more possibly relevant detail - my husband is huge - 6'6'' and very strong. I don't get nearly as nervous about this when he's here, but he does work during the summer, so I'm home alone during the day. Right now, he's gone on a week-long overnight trip for work. Also, from what I've seen - both parents work at the house across the street and the kids are mostly unsupervised during the day.
So my question is this: in general, I really don't like it when they hang out there because they make quite a bit of noise, leave trash, and make me feel somewhat "invaded". The neighborhood is exclusively older, retired couples, and young professionals with young children other than this family. I really *don't* mind when it's just a few of the teenage girls sitting while they talk and feed the baby, and I like it when the kids play in the street and ride their bikes. And I really do like teenagers... I teach high school and I love my job! But this makes me really uncomfortable, and I'm not sure those feelings are reasonable. What do you think? What should I do about this in general? I have no doubt that they'll be back - I've seen them over 5 times out there this summer, and I'm sure there's times that I'm not at home, as well.
You have two questions here.
"Are my feelings unreasonable?"
Nope. If you want your yard to yourself, that's your right.
"How do I deal with this"
Explain your position to the kids and their parents. See if anything changes. If not, or if you want added privacy, build a fence.
posted by craven_morhead at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2012
"Are my feelings unreasonable?"
Nope. If you want your yard to yourself, that's your right.
"How do I deal with this"
Explain your position to the kids and their parents. See if anything changes. If not, or if you want added privacy, build a fence.
posted by craven_morhead at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2012
This is what fences are made for and it is totally reasonable.
posted by WeekendJen at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by WeekendJen at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Your feelings are completely reasonable. Actually, if you don't take action (such as telling them to stop,) you really could be held liable.
And this is why we have fences, yeah.
posted by SMPA at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2012 [8 favorites]
And this is why we have fences, yeah.
posted by SMPA at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2012 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: Oh! sorry... forgot to mention. We do have a regular wire mesh fence, but there's about 20 feet of unfenced lawn under the tree that they hang out in.
posted by marylucycraft at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by marylucycraft at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2012
Knock knock knock... "Hi Mr or Mrs Neighbour! Your kids left all of this under the tree on my lawn today. They are welcome to come next door as long as they are tidy and considerate."
Hand over rubbish sack, smile, wait.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2012 [12 favorites]
Hand over rubbish sack, smile, wait.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2012 [12 favorites]
Response by poster: Moving the fence isn't really an option...
posted by marylucycraft at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by marylucycraft at 10:58 AM on June 27, 2012
It sounds reasonable to me. These are kids you don't know very well on *your* property without asking permission first and not cleaning up after themselves.
Can you go over to their house and talk to a parent about it when they are home? Say that this situation makes you uncomfortable and would really prefer the kids to ask your permission, first.
posted by jillithd at 10:59 AM on June 27, 2012
Can you go over to their house and talk to a parent about it when they are home? Say that this situation makes you uncomfortable and would really prefer the kids to ask your permission, first.
posted by jillithd at 10:59 AM on June 27, 2012
You're about to have a baby and you will need a fence so that baby does not wander off. Put in a fence now and you won't have the problem anymore.
posted by mareli at 11:00 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by mareli at 11:00 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
My parents once hassled me about riding my bike up a neighbor's driveway (something I thought was harmless). I stopped. Other people's space is other people's space.
Talk to the parents and tell them the kids are roughhousing and leaving trash. Bring some cookies or something and keep it friendly.
I don't think you can pick and choose which kids are acceptable under your tree and which aren't, though.
posted by griselda at 11:00 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Talk to the parents and tell them the kids are roughhousing and leaving trash. Bring some cookies or something and keep it friendly.
I don't think you can pick and choose which kids are acceptable under your tree and which aren't, though.
posted by griselda at 11:00 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Yeah I wouldn't give them any "as long as they behave themselves" or "as long as they clean up" or "as long as they ask" -- it's not OK, and it's OK for it to not be OK. It's not public or pseudo-public space, it is your house.
posted by brainmouse at 11:01 AM on June 27, 2012 [25 favorites]
posted by brainmouse at 11:01 AM on June 27, 2012 [25 favorites]
Talk to the parents. The kids are being totally unreasonable, and the parents need to handle this. On your part, just be friendly and tell them your concerns. Tell them the older girls are welcome to visit you with the baby. Going over to someone else's property should be to visit them (or their kids, but you don't have kids yet). So really the only appropriate thing here is if the older girls (who you seem to enjoy) come over to visit with you.
posted by DoubleLune at 11:01 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by DoubleLune at 11:01 AM on June 27, 2012
I guess a caveat though is that if you aren't actually talking to the girls, then it's just as much an invasion of your space as the rest of the kids.
posted by DoubleLune at 11:02 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by DoubleLune at 11:02 AM on June 27, 2012
I don't think you can pick and choose which kids are acceptable under your tree and which aren't, though.
I think it is absolutely 100% entirely reasonable for a homeowner to decide who they want on their own private property, both while they are home and while they are out.
posted by elizardbits at 11:03 AM on June 27, 2012 [20 favorites]
I think it is absolutely 100% entirely reasonable for a homeowner to decide who they want on their own private property, both while they are home and while they are out.
posted by elizardbits at 11:03 AM on June 27, 2012 [20 favorites]
A little light classical music might help.
posted by jedicus at 11:04 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by jedicus at 11:04 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Not trying to threadsit, so I'll just mention this and be out... when the girls are there, it still makes me feel uncomfortable because they didn't ask permission. I don't *want* any of them there just to hang out. But I feel much more maternal and less threatened by them (baby!) and would welcome it if they came to visit me. I would prefer that no one be there unless I say it's ok... but I didn't want to come across as *that lady*... you know... "get off my lawn"! :)
posted by marylucycraft at 11:07 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by marylucycraft at 11:07 AM on June 27, 2012
Best answer: Your feelings are reasonable, but I'm not sure talking to the parents is the best idea. From your description, this family sound kind of chavvy. In your position, I would be worried about provoking resentment and/or retaliation. Is there a reason you can't just fence off the remaining bit of land?
posted by Perodicticus potto at 11:08 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Perodicticus potto at 11:08 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
These kids are walking all over you. Get over your fear of being "that lady" or you will never be able to control the situation.
Tell them nobody is allowed to come over anymore without being invited, because they disrespected the privilege by leaving their garbage. End of story. If they show up again, call the cops. Maybe it will help teach them the lesson that their actions have consequences which can't be charmed or argued back into going their way.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 11:10 AM on June 27, 2012 [16 favorites]
Tell them nobody is allowed to come over anymore without being invited, because they disrespected the privilege by leaving their garbage. End of story. If they show up again, call the cops. Maybe it will help teach them the lesson that their actions have consequences which can't be charmed or argued back into going their way.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 11:10 AM on June 27, 2012 [16 favorites]
Is this your backyard or front yard? If its in the back I would feel a great invasion of privacy and would fence it up - the front yard is a bit harder.
You don't want to come off as a nag, but you're right, it's your property and I know I would feel uncomfortable having kids all over my lawn (especially if they're trashing it) - it's your freaking lawn!!
I would just tell them to move, or like a pp said, put up a small white picket fence.
posted by Danithegirl at 11:10 AM on June 27, 2012
You don't want to come off as a nag, but you're right, it's your property and I know I would feel uncomfortable having kids all over my lawn (especially if they're trashing it) - it's your freaking lawn!!
I would just tell them to move, or like a pp said, put up a small white picket fence.
posted by Danithegirl at 11:10 AM on June 27, 2012
Are you being unreasonable? Seriously?
You own the property. One of the most basic elements of owning real property is the right of exclusive enjoyment. Anyone who suggests that you are being unreasonable is an idiot. It is your land! Full stop. End of story. They have absolutely no right to be on YOUR land.
Start taking pictures of them. Contact the police department, and start preparing a trespassing case. Once the kids and parents know you are serious, it will end. And, if it does not end, then they are jerks anyway, so burn them with a trespassing charge.
What happens, by the way, when one of the kids gets hurt on your property? Are you prepared to have your home owners insurance policy cover these kids. At this point, you know they are there, so the insurance could argue that you are allowing them access by default.
Being nice and trying to work it all out together is not always the best solution. The law is 1000% present on your side - enforce your rights!! Stand up for yourself!!
posted by Flood at 11:14 AM on June 27, 2012 [7 favorites]
You own the property. One of the most basic elements of owning real property is the right of exclusive enjoyment. Anyone who suggests that you are being unreasonable is an idiot. It is your land! Full stop. End of story. They have absolutely no right to be on YOUR land.
Start taking pictures of them. Contact the police department, and start preparing a trespassing case. Once the kids and parents know you are serious, it will end. And, if it does not end, then they are jerks anyway, so burn them with a trespassing charge.
What happens, by the way, when one of the kids gets hurt on your property? Are you prepared to have your home owners insurance policy cover these kids. At this point, you know they are there, so the insurance could argue that you are allowing them access by default.
Being nice and trying to work it all out together is not always the best solution. The law is 1000% present on your side - enforce your rights!! Stand up for yourself!!
posted by Flood at 11:14 AM on June 27, 2012 [7 favorites]
Best answer: Sometimes I forget that I'm an adult, and share the same uncomfortable feelings you have about confrontation and my ability to handle it. But then I remember that I can say things that don't leave me open to a power struggle with kids, and achieve results with simple sentences. I work in a school too, and use my "school" voice in other places, and it works.
Use your teacher voice and persona. "Okay kids. It's time to go home now." "So, kids - you can stay here for another half-hour or so, but then I'd like some peace and quiet in my yard, so clear out." "Sorry, you can't rough house in my yard. Find something else do to, or some place else to do it." "I see that you like the shade of my tree. You need to know that there'll be times when we need our space, and I'd like you to check in before you hang out here." "Sorry, if you leave garbage here, I can't have you over again." It's not mean to tell them what you want them to know.
Assert your boundaries, your authorities and set your expectations for their behaviour in a way that very simply lets them understand your wishes. Just as you know in class that if kids sense that you're wishy washy they'll take advantage of that, these kids are simply testing their boundaries with you. And they don't know what yours are until you tell them.
posted by peagood at 11:15 AM on June 27, 2012 [25 favorites]
Use your teacher voice and persona. "Okay kids. It's time to go home now." "So, kids - you can stay here for another half-hour or so, but then I'd like some peace and quiet in my yard, so clear out." "Sorry, you can't rough house in my yard. Find something else do to, or some place else to do it." "I see that you like the shade of my tree. You need to know that there'll be times when we need our space, and I'd like you to check in before you hang out here." "Sorry, if you leave garbage here, I can't have you over again." It's not mean to tell them what you want them to know.
Assert your boundaries, your authorities and set your expectations for their behaviour in a way that very simply lets them understand your wishes. Just as you know in class that if kids sense that you're wishy washy they'll take advantage of that, these kids are simply testing their boundaries with you. And they don't know what yours are until you tell them.
posted by peagood at 11:15 AM on June 27, 2012 [25 favorites]
Best answer: There's a reason why the 'get off my lawn' thing exists- kids on other people's lawns are annoying.
I teach HS too and there is no way I am doing any summer babysitting, esp for free, on my own property and where the kids don't listen.
I doubt the parents are going to step up, so time to build a fence. If poss get your giant husband to erect it so that if there are any questions he will be first line of defense. Or extend the fence, whichever.
The kids are unlikely to listen either. My dad kicked some kids off our property about, oh, 30 years ago and we heard about it for the next ten. But I don't think they ever came back. And your kid will be too young to be made fun of!:)
HS teachers deserve peaceful summers, just tell yourself that!
posted by bquarters at 11:16 AM on June 27, 2012 [5 favorites]
I teach HS too and there is no way I am doing any summer babysitting, esp for free, on my own property and where the kids don't listen.
I doubt the parents are going to step up, so time to build a fence. If poss get your giant husband to erect it so that if there are any questions he will be first line of defense. Or extend the fence, whichever.
The kids are unlikely to listen either. My dad kicked some kids off our property about, oh, 30 years ago and we heard about it for the next ten. But I don't think they ever came back. And your kid will be too young to be made fun of!:)
HS teachers deserve peaceful summers, just tell yourself that!
posted by bquarters at 11:16 AM on June 27, 2012 [5 favorites]
You could plant some bushes if you don't want the fence.
Talk to the parents. When you see the kids, tell them politely, "Please stay out of my yard." And if you see them again, "I need you to stay out of my yard."
It's your private property. No need to feel bad.
posted by chickenmagazine at 11:17 AM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
Talk to the parents. When you see the kids, tell them politely, "Please stay out of my yard." And if you see them again, "I need you to stay out of my yard."
It's your private property. No need to feel bad.
posted by chickenmagazine at 11:17 AM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
Tell the parents. It's their problem, not yours. They are legally responsible for their kids and they will be contacted by the police if you call the police.
posted by pracowity at 11:18 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by pracowity at 11:18 AM on June 27, 2012
Classical music didn't work in my hometown- all us ne'er do wells just got familiar with classical music. I don't think a single person minded it.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:18 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by small_ruminant at 11:18 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'd go to the neighbors when they're home and say something like, "I notice that your kids and their friends like to congreate on our property. I'd prefer it if they'd ask my permission first, as sometimes I just want to have some quiet time to myself. Also, if it's not convenient for me, I'd appreciate it if your kids would just quietly move on, as opposed to the back talk that I've been experiencing. I teach school all year long and in the summer, I'd prefer not to have kids around unless I'm in the mood."
If they have a problem with that, they're idiots.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:18 AM on June 27, 2012
If they have a problem with that, they're idiots.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:18 AM on June 27, 2012
Response by poster: It's in the backyard, but the entire backyard lines the road. We would have to move the fence over, then have it jut out from the house... I would actually like that because it would give us more backyard to enjoy. Ok... well, how would you go about moving a fence? Should we fence in the side yard, too, while we're at it? (No one bothers the front yard).
posted by marylucycraft at 11:19 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by marylucycraft at 11:19 AM on June 27, 2012
We live in a townhouse with a shared common area, and I often play cop (I'm a big guy and I'm a former teacher). I think you are in a stronger position than I am, in that they're on your territory - you can make the rules.
I think it will come down to making a few simple rules (all roughousing has to be done over there, not here; no garbage; it's quiet time now - I'm having a baby, for goodness sakes!) and getting the kids to agree to them.
Get some of the older girls help enforce the rules. Remind them you're pregnant.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:20 AM on June 27, 2012
I think it will come down to making a few simple rules (all roughousing has to be done over there, not here; no garbage; it's quiet time now - I'm having a baby, for goodness sakes!) and getting the kids to agree to them.
Get some of the older girls help enforce the rules. Remind them you're pregnant.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:20 AM on June 27, 2012
I'm not sure if telling the parents is such a wise move, as the parents may not back you up, and may complain about you to their children. Until you build a fence, the only thing to do is to manage the relationship with the little creeps.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:21 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by KokuRyu at 11:21 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
And god knows it was better than Top 40 radio.
If you'd rather have no one on your lawn, that's your right. I like having kids on my lawn but the minute they're annoying, off they have to go. And "annoying" is at our discretion. Some days noise bugs me, and some days it doesn't.
It's incredibly freeing to be a middle aged lady :) I'm mom age at this point so my directions, and general moral certainty, or whatever that is in my voice that conveys certainty in my propriety and reasonability, really come through as adult rather than ambiguity or pleading.
"Alright- you boys need to clear out now. Take your trash- thanks. See you later!"
posted by small_ruminant at 11:22 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you'd rather have no one on your lawn, that's your right. I like having kids on my lawn but the minute they're annoying, off they have to go. And "annoying" is at our discretion. Some days noise bugs me, and some days it doesn't.
It's incredibly freeing to be a middle aged lady :) I'm mom age at this point so my directions, and general moral certainty, or whatever that is in my voice that conveys certainty in my propriety and reasonability, really come through as adult rather than ambiguity or pleading.
"Alright- you boys need to clear out now. Take your trash- thanks. See you later!"
posted by small_ruminant at 11:22 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Do you ever actually _want_ the kids there? Or do you just tolerate them?
If the latter, just put your foot down, and tell the kids that they aren't allowed on your property any longer. If they don't obey, talk to the parents. Then the cops, etc.
If there are times when you desire the company, you probably need to be a little more delicate. Talk to the kids you get along with and let them know when they are welcome, and when they are not. Also make sure that they know the rules to be followed while they are on your property (and be ready to kick them out if they break them).
Don't move the fence (unless that's something you want to do for other reasons).
posted by sparklemotion at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
If the latter, just put your foot down, and tell the kids that they aren't allowed on your property any longer. If they don't obey, talk to the parents. Then the cops, etc.
If there are times when you desire the company, you probably need to be a little more delicate. Talk to the kids you get along with and let them know when they are welcome, and when they are not. Also make sure that they know the rules to be followed while they are on your property (and be ready to kick them out if they break them).
Don't move the fence (unless that's something you want to do for other reasons).
posted by sparklemotion at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You are not being unreasonable. I don't like it when uninvited strangets hang out on my property either. I would be particularly touchy if they argued back at me after I politely asked to leave.
Plus you are pregnant - I was very sensitive about my space and my safety and having strangers around me when I was pregnant (that goes away by the way, but I still feel protective about who comes on my property).
When I had a very similar situation (20ish kids, spill over from a party or they were coming or going from somewhere, I wasn't sure), I asked them not to walk on the lawn because I had just put down weeding chemicals (it was true).
In any case, I would let it go now that you've talked to them, but if it occured again, I would again tell them politely that I don't want them there, and then I would talk to the parents and explain that you are pregnant and you just don't want the added stress of a bunch of uninvited people hanging out on your property. I would frame it as your "issue", not that the kids are necessarily doing anything wrong. Reasonable parents should make sure your wishes are honored.
posted by vignettist at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2012
Plus you are pregnant - I was very sensitive about my space and my safety and having strangers around me when I was pregnant (that goes away by the way, but I still feel protective about who comes on my property).
When I had a very similar situation (20ish kids, spill over from a party or they were coming or going from somewhere, I wasn't sure), I asked them not to walk on the lawn because I had just put down weeding chemicals (it was true).
In any case, I would let it go now that you've talked to them, but if it occured again, I would again tell them politely that I don't want them there, and then I would talk to the parents and explain that you are pregnant and you just don't want the added stress of a bunch of uninvited people hanging out on your property. I would frame it as your "issue", not that the kids are necessarily doing anything wrong. Reasonable parents should make sure your wishes are honored.
posted by vignettist at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2012
I think it's time for a brand new fence, one that encloses the side yard, tree, backyard, and your property that you have full, legal rights to quietly enjoy! This fence will be an awesome gift to you and your new family to celebrate having a new family member who needs to be safe within your yard as well!
If that doesn't work, I think you should talk to your neighbors. If that doesn't work, how about getting a dog to keep you company while your husband is away and to protect your new family?
posted by floweredfish at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
If that doesn't work, I think you should talk to your neighbors. If that doesn't work, how about getting a dog to keep you company while your husband is away and to protect your new family?
posted by floweredfish at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
To reiterate, it's completely okay to not be consistent. Some days girls are okay. Some days boys are okay. Some days no one's okay. Just so long as you don't expect them to read your mind about what kind of day it is for you, and you communicate it, you're in the clear.
If anyone understands that adults have variable moods, it's teenagers. Don't worry about whether they think you're reasonable or consistent. No, you are not reasonable or consistent. That's just how you roll.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:25 AM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
If anyone understands that adults have variable moods, it's teenagers. Don't worry about whether they think you're reasonable or consistent. No, you are not reasonable or consistent. That's just how you roll.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:25 AM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
Yes, fence it in whatever way you like that confirms with the bylaws. If you don't want to fence the sideyard (too small or for aesthetic reasons, you can plant lots of prickly bushes like raspberries or roses that discourage "cutting through" and make a more definite line between public and private. Meanwhile, you might want to put chairs/a patio set under the tree, sitting on the grass can feel semi-public but sitting on someone else's furniture without permission tends to feel uncomfortable.
posted by saucysault at 11:26 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by saucysault at 11:26 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Meanwhile, you might want to put chairs/a patio set under the tree
I agree that sitting in other people's furniture feels more like a violation. In my neighborhood, however, it wouldn't be there 15 minutes later unless we anchored it with a serious cable.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:28 AM on June 27, 2012
I agree that sitting in other people's furniture feels more like a violation. In my neighborhood, however, it wouldn't be there 15 minutes later unless we anchored it with a serious cable.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:28 AM on June 27, 2012
Depending upon your demeanor, you can tell the truth but with a smile to the kids in your best teacher voice: "Hey kids, I'm a high school teacher and on vacation. I've been dealing with meddlesome kids all year, but this is your chance to take a break from teachers and mine for being away from kids. Go hang out somewhere else before I decide you need some summer reading work." Now, this will only work if you can pull of strict-with-a-sense-of-humor. Otherwise, I agree with everyone else: start the chain of escalation. 1) Tell them, sorry, nope, this is not a public park. Please hang out elsewhere because you need the quiet, you're gestating. Just like in the classroom, don't take any back talk: at the first moment of smart-mouth, remind them that that sort of attitude doesn't make you want to accommodate them, especially something they have no right to whatsoever. In fact, they're technically trespassing. (Again: best teacher voice & look) Doesn't work? then: 2) Talk to the parents. That doesn't have an effect? 3) Build a fence all around property, artificial or natural. 4) Call the cops.
posted by smirkette at 11:28 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by smirkette at 11:28 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Go hang out somewhere else before I decide you need some summer reading work.
Hah! This totally would have worked on me :)
posted by small_ruminant at 11:29 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Hah! This totally would have worked on me :)
posted by small_ruminant at 11:29 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Get your gigantic husband to talk to the kids. I just think that relying on the parents for help is a lost cause. The parents in our 'hood let the kids run wild, and they generally borrow and destroy anything that is not bolted down. It's a cultural thing - the parents are probably looking at you as cheap childcare, and have probably not socialized their children particularly well.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:30 AM on June 27, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by KokuRyu at 11:30 AM on June 27, 2012 [5 favorites]
When it is just the girls being quiet there, go over and say (with a hey, I'm cool tone) 'hey girls, I don't mind you hanging out here, but you know the other day when those boys were here? I don't like them roughhousing and leaving a mess.
If you girls want to keep hanging out here, that's cool, but I really need you to pick up after yourselves and if the boys come over and start acting up, I'm making you girls responsible for them. The second they act up and don't stop, nobody is going to be allowed to sit here. (Tone should be more firm at this point.
Does that make sense to you all?'
If the boys come, go out and tell them, 'I don't want this in my yard. Leave now.'
If they give you guff, call the cops.
I get the feeling from your question that there may be some race/class differences here. And maybe you don't want to talk with the parents.
posted by k8t at 11:34 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you girls want to keep hanging out here, that's cool, but I really need you to pick up after yourselves and if the boys come over and start acting up, I'm making you girls responsible for them. The second they act up and don't stop, nobody is going to be allowed to sit here. (Tone should be more firm at this point.
Does that make sense to you all?'
If the boys come, go out and tell them, 'I don't want this in my yard. Leave now.'
If they give you guff, call the cops.
I get the feeling from your question that there may be some race/class differences here. And maybe you don't want to talk with the parents.
posted by k8t at 11:34 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
They come over without asking, so I'd say that you need to make it clear that this is your property and it will be used or not used however you choose. It doesn't matter what they are doing, how many are there, or if they clean up after themselves.
Let them know you don't want any of them hanging around. And if they don't get it, turn the sprinkler on .
posted by wrnealis at 11:46 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Let them know you don't want any of them hanging around. And if they don't get it, turn the sprinkler on .
posted by wrnealis at 11:46 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm making you girls responsible for them.
I can tell you that as a teenager I had exactly zero ability to make groups of boys do anything so I'm not sure what this would accomplish.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:47 AM on June 27, 2012 [10 favorites]
I can tell you that as a teenager I had exactly zero ability to make groups of boys do anything so I'm not sure what this would accomplish.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:47 AM on June 27, 2012 [10 favorites]
The older boys tried to argue that no one was being hurt, but I reiterated that I was uncomfortable with it and if they didn't like it they could leave.
My response to that would be: "That's it, you're not welcome here any more." Same with anyone who leaves trash. They're actively disrespecting you.
If you don't want to draw the line like that, one approach might be to have your husband come out whenever possible, engage them in conversation and then say, "OK, bye now, nice to see you," and shoo them off. Just have him come out and talk to them, the idea being that as long as they are there, they are engaging with him. Not saying this because he's a man, and I know he's not there all the time, but the kids are used to you being kind of a pushover (sorry).
posted by BibiRose at 11:47 AM on June 27, 2012
My response to that would be: "That's it, you're not welcome here any more." Same with anyone who leaves trash. They're actively disrespecting you.
If you don't want to draw the line like that, one approach might be to have your husband come out whenever possible, engage them in conversation and then say, "OK, bye now, nice to see you," and shoo them off. Just have him come out and talk to them, the idea being that as long as they are there, they are engaging with him. Not saying this because he's a man, and I know he's not there all the time, but the kids are used to you being kind of a pushover (sorry).
posted by BibiRose at 11:47 AM on June 27, 2012
Oh my, I have teenagers and it's hot out this summer! But they have no business inviting themselves to hang out under the neighbor's tree, wrestling around in their yard, and leaving trash behind (!) So as a mother who is at work every day while my teenagers are coming and going with their summer activities & hanging out with friends, I would not be at all offended if you knocked on my door and handed me the trash they left behind. Trust me, I want to know.
But I think you need to be firm with the kids. It is your lawn. "I'm fine with you guys chilling out in the shade while I'm here, but I am not comfortable with you here when I'm not out here, and I definitely expect you to respect my space and leave it in as good condition as you found it."
I just had to banish one of my son's friends from my house. I don't care if I'm the mean mom. This kid decided that since we live closer to where he wants to be all day, that he can hang out when even my son isn't home, "borrow" my bike to get around town, ("I thought it was ok because nobody was using it!") etc. This mean mom doesn't work that way.
Kids need to ask permission, they need to express gratitude, they need to respect people's property, and they noway nohow get to challenge people on decisions they make about their own homes. It's up to you to teach them what you expect of them in your environment. That may be different than what they're used to, but this isn't about them, it's about you. Your comfort, your baby, your yard.
posted by headnsouth at 11:52 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
But I think you need to be firm with the kids. It is your lawn. "I'm fine with you guys chilling out in the shade while I'm here, but I am not comfortable with you here when I'm not out here, and I definitely expect you to respect my space and leave it in as good condition as you found it."
I just had to banish one of my son's friends from my house. I don't care if I'm the mean mom. This kid decided that since we live closer to where he wants to be all day, that he can hang out when even my son isn't home, "borrow" my bike to get around town, ("I thought it was ok because nobody was using it!") etc. This mean mom doesn't work that way.
Kids need to ask permission, they need to express gratitude, they need to respect people's property, and they noway nohow get to challenge people on decisions they make about their own homes. It's up to you to teach them what you expect of them in your environment. That may be different than what they're used to, but this isn't about them, it's about you. Your comfort, your baby, your yard.
posted by headnsouth at 11:52 AM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I think I haven't been more confrontational because I don't entirely feel safe around the teenage boys. It's different in school, because there's, you know, a security chief I can call if I feel uncomfortable. Intellectually, I know they're probably not going to do anything to me... but... I've been a lot more "lay down the line" when it's just the smaller kids.
posted by marylucycraft at 11:53 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by marylucycraft at 11:53 AM on June 27, 2012
If you are inclined to talk to the parents, maybe put it in terms that when the baby comes you are going to have much more of a need for privacy and quiet; your sleep schedule will be disrupted etc. "We've really been happy to have the kids over up to this point but our situation is about to change." I assume that's pretty much true anyway, and it doesn't criticize the kids or their parenting.
posted by BibiRose at 11:54 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by BibiRose at 11:54 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Use your giant husband to tell the kids and parents. My boyfriend can look super intimidating, and I realize that it is very helpful in taking things out of the gray area. He can be as nice and sweet as pie, but with his size or energy, people just listen. And while this is not pc and unfair, if you say something, you may be 'that lady', while he would just be listened to. You're pregnant and on vacation, let him deal with it. Enjoy your summer.
posted by Vaike at 11:57 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Vaike at 11:57 AM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
You know, you're very likely going to want to have a fenced back yard for your child to play in, so you might was well fence the whole dang thing now. Problem solved.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:59 AM on June 27, 2012
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:59 AM on June 27, 2012
Best answer: I have illustrated what I assume the fencing issue is. I presume the existing setup is like the one in the first image I have expertly drawn here. To kids, this probably suggests that the tree is in "public" space. If it weren't, the fence would go around it. This is probably why they resisted when you told them to clear off.
What you want to do is something like the second image. Trust me, with a young child on a corner lot, you are going to want to fence in your yard as much as possible.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:03 PM on June 27, 2012 [21 favorites]
What you want to do is something like the second image. Trust me, with a young child on a corner lot, you are going to want to fence in your yard as much as possible.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:03 PM on June 27, 2012 [21 favorites]
you are being so tolerant of these kids, it is almost unreasonable. There is no reason anyone should make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, especially in your own space.
Do the kids come into your yard unannounced when you are not around? Because it sounds like they are using your yard as a space to play without parental or adult supervision.
I would tell them they are not allowed to play in your yard anymore, and if they want to visit you, they can knock on your door first. If that doesn't work, I would tell their parents the next time it happens, you will be involving the police.
If and when one of them gets hurt, you are liable and you will be the one getting sued.
posted by inertia at 12:08 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Do the kids come into your yard unannounced when you are not around? Because it sounds like they are using your yard as a space to play without parental or adult supervision.
I would tell them they are not allowed to play in your yard anymore, and if they want to visit you, they can knock on your door first. If that doesn't work, I would tell their parents the next time it happens, you will be involving the police.
If and when one of them gets hurt, you are liable and you will be the one getting sued.
posted by inertia at 12:08 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you girls want to keep hanging out here, that's cool, but I really need you to pick up after yourselves and if the boys come over and start acting up, I'm making you girls responsible for them. The second they act up and don't stop, nobody is going to be allowed to sit here. (Tone should be more firm at this point.
I think this is a bad idea. These older girls should not be informal, unpaid child-minders for boys. And girls tend to get stuck with that a lot anyway because of people's unconscious perception of female people as carers.
posted by Frowner at 12:09 PM on June 27, 2012 [11 favorites]
I think this is a bad idea. These older girls should not be informal, unpaid child-minders for boys. And girls tend to get stuck with that a lot anyway because of people's unconscious perception of female people as carers.
posted by Frowner at 12:09 PM on June 27, 2012 [11 favorites]
Response by poster: Rock Steady, that's amazing. That's exactly it. The whole backyard is fenced of course, but that's what we're dealing with. I think that we might be able to move the fence... I'm going to show this to my husband when he gets back. It doesn't seem like it would be that hard... just uproot the fence, move it, buy a couple more sections of fence and link them... right? :)
posted by marylucycraft at 12:14 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by marylucycraft at 12:14 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
If one of these jokers breaks a leg while they're hanging out in YOUR yard being dumbassess, I guarantee you their parents will sue you. I wouldn't let strange kids hang out on MY property for 5 seconds. No way.
posted by tristeza at 12:23 PM on June 27, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by tristeza at 12:23 PM on June 27, 2012 [6 favorites]
It doesn't seem like it would be that hard... just uproot the fence, move it, buy a couple more sections of fence and link them... right?
Well, in theory it is easy, but you know how that goes... In any case, I think the problem arises from the assumption that the tree is not in your yard. It is an easy assumption to make for someone who doesn't understand real estate and lot boundaries and things like that. You might actually dissuade them from hanging out under the tree if you take the fence down altogether, but with a baby on the way, that doesn't make much sense.
And I hate thinking litigiously, but the commenters who worry about your legal liability if someone gets hurt on your property are sadly correct.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:29 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Well, in theory it is easy, but you know how that goes... In any case, I think the problem arises from the assumption that the tree is not in your yard. It is an easy assumption to make for someone who doesn't understand real estate and lot boundaries and things like that. You might actually dissuade them from hanging out under the tree if you take the fence down altogether, but with a baby on the way, that doesn't make much sense.
And I hate thinking litigiously, but the commenters who worry about your legal liability if someone gets hurt on your property are sadly correct.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:29 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Before you move the fence (which is a really good idea), make sure it's okay to move it that close to the street. Some cities have zoning laws that prohibit fences on corner lots that might obstruct the view for drivers.
posted by Elly Vortex at 12:30 PM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Elly Vortex at 12:30 PM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
I think building a fence is your only option. You'll just have to put up with the kids acting like wild house apes for the time being.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:34 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by KokuRyu at 12:34 PM on June 27, 2012
If your fence is set up the way it is in Rock Steady's "existing" illustration, I wouldn't be surprised if the kids don't even realize that's your land rather than public land. I probably wouldn't realize it was either.
posted by hazyjane at 12:35 PM on June 27, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by hazyjane at 12:35 PM on June 27, 2012 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: hazyjane... whose else could it be? It's next to the road and everything... or would they just not think about it?
posted by marylucycraft at 12:37 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by marylucycraft at 12:37 PM on June 27, 2012
Yes, I would figure the area you cared about was inside the fence. The outside might be yours or might be an easement, but I would consider the outside section available for public use, so I can see why they feel it's okay to just wander in.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:40 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by small_ruminant at 12:40 PM on June 27, 2012
The tree looks like it sits on common land, and is not on your property.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:40 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by KokuRyu at 12:40 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
hazyjane... whose else could it be? It's next to the road and everything... or would they just not think about it?
Kids don't think about real estate or lot boundaries or that sort of thing very often, if at all. It doesn't occur to them that land is valuable, and that every bit of it is going to be accounted for in some way. If it is not fenced in, it must be public.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:42 PM on June 27, 2012 [8 favorites]
Kids don't think about real estate or lot boundaries or that sort of thing very often, if at all. It doesn't occur to them that land is valuable, and that every bit of it is going to be accounted for in some way. If it is not fenced in, it must be public.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:42 PM on June 27, 2012 [8 favorites]
Don't you have some watering to do near that tree? Just put a lawn sprinkler on the house side of the fence so they can't play with it, and have it on around the time they usually visit.
posted by FreezBoy at 12:43 PM on June 27, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by FreezBoy at 12:43 PM on June 27, 2012 [4 favorites]
I was thinking along the same line as FreezeBoy. A motion detecting sprinkler could solve the problem.
posted by TooFewShoes at 12:49 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by TooFewShoes at 12:49 PM on June 27, 2012
Sprinklers in the summertime are kind of a kid-magnet, no?
posted by KokuRyu at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by KokuRyu at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2012
Eh, motion-detecting sprinklers can be hostile. Just move the fence, if your city allows it. Me, I would pay someone to move the fence, but I know a competent DIY'er could easily do it. You'll have to dig holes for the fence posts to move to and that alone is enough to make me call someone else.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Check your land survey/title survey to make sure you have title to that land. Then put a fence around it, and remember, "good fences make good neighbors."
posted by yarly at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by yarly at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
And some of those kids might be good fences.
So do it: move the goal posts. Give your new kid somewhere bigger to run around safely.
posted by pracowity at 1:16 PM on June 27, 2012
So do it: move the goal posts. Give your new kid somewhere bigger to run around safely.
posted by pracowity at 1:16 PM on June 27, 2012
whose else could it be? It's next to the road and everything... or would they just not think about it?Well, it could realistically belong to the home owner's association, if you have such a thing. That's who owns all the land between each row/on the sides in subdivisions around here, they have public footpaths on most (but not all) of it. Sure, it's more likely that kids just don't think to ask, but even as an adult you simply cannot tell without pulling out a property map. (And even then....)
Yes to moving the fence. But first, check your map, your local ordinances (about how close a fence can be to the road), and your HOA (if you have one)... just to save yourself headache later on.
posted by anaelith at 1:21 PM on June 27, 2012
Could you try a "private property" sign first to see if that works, before moving the fence?
posted by Sassyfras at 1:34 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Sassyfras at 1:34 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Yeah, nthing that your current setup sends the message that the area inside the fence is yours and the area outside it is public. That was my strong instinct looking at the picture, and it wasn't until your question "then who else would it belong to?" that I realized my instinct didn't make sense. Kids aren't going to get that far. (It probably doesn't really register even when you explicitly tell them "it's my property.") I totally agree that the fence does more harm than good in encouraging the kids to come around the tree, and no fence at all would be better than the one you've got. But hopefully you can just move it, and send the message "This is my yard" in a way that's obvious to kids.
(And even in the meantime, maybe this might help a little psychologically, with you feeling less "invaded" like they have no respect for you and your boundaries, to realize they probably just feel like it's their space/everyone's space, like the street or a park, as opposed to "we have the right to go anywhere we want without asking anyone's permission, we'll be sitting at your kitchen table next and screw you if you try to stop us"?)
posted by EmilyClimbs at 1:38 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
(And even in the meantime, maybe this might help a little psychologically, with you feeling less "invaded" like they have no respect for you and your boundaries, to realize they probably just feel like it's their space/everyone's space, like the street or a park, as opposed to "we have the right to go anywhere we want without asking anyone's permission, we'll be sitting at your kitchen table next and screw you if you try to stop us"?)
posted by EmilyClimbs at 1:38 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
These kids are a liability and not your responsibility. I think they should be told to leave, firmly and without discussion. Have your husband do it if you don't want to, but stand there with him.
If the fence moving proves too difficult, consider planting bushes or a garden so the shaded lawn is not inviting.
posted by Riverine at 1:47 PM on June 27, 2012
If the fence moving proves too difficult, consider planting bushes or a garden so the shaded lawn is not inviting.
posted by Riverine at 1:47 PM on June 27, 2012
Put up a fence. I say this based on the certain fact that the kids hung out there before you moved in, and feel like they own the place by squatter's rights. You aren't being an asshole, but you're asserting a Natural right to property, according to Locke.
If you want are willing to negotiate some shade rights (and thus potentially defer the any potential retaliation, put in a gate near the tree, on the street side. Kids abusing the privilege? Lock the gate. Kids ready to be responsible and act in a limited fashion? Unlock. Kids jumping the fence? Sign first, yell second, police third. Take pictures of evidence of abuse, because pictures are cheap, and self-dating.
Also, those are some talented cats you have. ;^)
posted by Sunburnt at 2:44 PM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
If you want are willing to negotiate some shade rights (and thus potentially defer the any potential retaliation, put in a gate near the tree, on the street side. Kids abusing the privilege? Lock the gate. Kids ready to be responsible and act in a limited fashion? Unlock. Kids jumping the fence? Sign first, yell second, police third. Take pictures of evidence of abuse, because pictures are cheap, and self-dating.
Also, those are some talented cats you have. ;^)
posted by Sunburnt at 2:44 PM on June 27, 2012 [3 favorites]
Your property, your rules. Your backyard is not the neighborhood park and should not be treated as such. They trespass and leave their garbage behind. This is NOT ok! Time to shut this down, like yesterday. Certainly there's another shade tree somewhere in town. They can go hang there.
posted by SoftSummerBreeze at 2:49 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by SoftSummerBreeze at 2:49 PM on June 27, 2012
I've lived in my house for close to 20 years. My kids grew up here. I live at the top of T intersection in a quiet neighborhood. They always played ball with home base at the top of the T, which is our driveway. Fast forward to a couple years ago and a new family moves in a few houses away. Their 8-ish yr old son and his friends insist on playing ball (fine) with home base at the bottom of the T, which means their aiming straight for my house and cars. No matter how many times I asked them nicely to turn the game around, and explained why, they persisted in doing it their way. I even spoke to his father, which didn't matter at all. They're moving out this week. Problem solved. I hope you have better results. But, I do think you should speak to the parents/families and lay down the law. It's your property and it's a huge invasion of your privacy, now and when the baby comes. It's time for them to move on.
posted by SoftSummerBreeze at 3:01 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by SoftSummerBreeze at 3:01 PM on June 27, 2012
While you're waiting for the fence, consider deploying The Mosquito a.k.a. Sonic Screen alarm whenever you see them heading towards your house. You don't have to buy it either; there are free loops all over the net. Just point your computer speakers toward a nearby window and crank it up. As soon as they leave, turn it off. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by LuckySeven~ at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2012
You could also plant a row of large plants along the outside of the fence and around the base of the tree. Something that is sturdy and grows fast. Maybe something prickly or thorny like cacti or berry vines.
posted by meepmeow at 4:10 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by meepmeow at 4:10 PM on June 27, 2012
This is one of the most reasonable complaints I have ever heard, & I would feel invaded, too! It is *your* property & you are not obligated to have anyone on it that you didn't invite there. Start by talking with the parents (ideally you & your husband together) and, regardless of how those conversations go, I would make plans to enclose your property more thoroughly. I grew up on a corner lot in Boston (so typical harsh New England climate). My parents incorporated fences and hedges (privet bushes to be exact, which require trimming but are not poisonous or prickly) to enclose our property. It looked pretty, made it safe for me to play unsupervised when it was age appropriate, and (for the most part) kept people from assuming they could just hang out on our property. They are also good for containing dogs who want to go outside for a bit.
If speaking with the parents and asking the kids to leave don't yield any results, you can always call the non-emergency number of your local police station. It's trespassing & their presence is an intrusion and possible liability, not to mention the occasional littering. That wouldn't be the first step, of course, but if you try to resolve it amicably & are ignored, don't hesitate to assert your rights. A crusier driving by and asking the kids to disperse will get the message across if all other congenial attempts have failed. Good luck!
posted by katemcd at 6:04 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
If speaking with the parents and asking the kids to leave don't yield any results, you can always call the non-emergency number of your local police station. It's trespassing & their presence is an intrusion and possible liability, not to mention the occasional littering. That wouldn't be the first step, of course, but if you try to resolve it amicably & are ignored, don't hesitate to assert your rights. A crusier driving by and asking the kids to disperse will get the message across if all other congenial attempts have failed. Good luck!
posted by katemcd at 6:04 PM on June 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
A little something I tell myself when I tell the neighborhood urchins to get out of my driveway/off my lawn - I'm not being cruel, I'm teaching them boundaries. (I work as a children's therapist so I, too, am heartily sick of other people's children when I get home, although I enjoy my work very much.) I have the only screened front porch on my block, plus a shade tree, AND cats who like to sit on the porch with me of an evening. Kid magnet! I tell the kids that I need my private time and I need for them to back off and play elsewhere. But I also wish that I could fence in my front yard. Move the fence.
posted by sorrygottago at 6:51 PM on June 27, 2012
posted by sorrygottago at 6:51 PM on June 27, 2012
Using the new baby as a calm excuse to change the 'kid hangout' policy in your yard seems like a great strategy. Prime the kids by mentioning it now, and then prime the parents by casually mentioning it to them, too, telling them you hope they'll both understand and back you up if necessary.
There are gentle ways to approach these things to avoid creating neighbor feuds, and that seems like a good one to me.
posted by mediareport at 8:37 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
There are gentle ways to approach these things to avoid creating neighbor feuds, and that seems like a good one to me.
posted by mediareport at 8:37 PM on June 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
A hedge or thorny bushes would work too. Boxwood or rose bushes (hardy and fast growing with a spreading habit like inexpensive icebergs)?
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:41 AM on June 28, 2012
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:41 AM on June 28, 2012
This is variable by locale, but easements running six feet from the street are extremely common. (google six foot easement, tree easements, public service easements.)
I doubt that tree is on your private property.
posted by peep at 9:53 AM on June 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
I doubt that tree is on your private property.
posted by peep at 9:53 AM on June 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
peep: "This is variable by locale, but easements running six feet from the street are extremely common... I doubt that tree is on your private property."
There may well be an easement or a zoning regulation that might control where you can put your fence, but just because there is an easement in force over a portion of your property does not mean that it is not your property. That just means that other entities have some limited ownership rights over the property as well. If you have specific questions about the laws and regulations that apply to your property, you should call or drop in on your local Planning and Zoning Department.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:39 AM on June 28, 2012
There may well be an easement or a zoning regulation that might control where you can put your fence, but just because there is an easement in force over a portion of your property does not mean that it is not your property. That just means that other entities have some limited ownership rights over the property as well. If you have specific questions about the laws and regulations that apply to your property, you should call or drop in on your local Planning and Zoning Department.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:39 AM on June 28, 2012
You're being reasonable, you don't want them and should tell them to move on once, and talk to their parents the next time. You shouldn't be forced to move your fence.
We have a similar situation. Next door to us is a corner lot whose back yard faces our front/side/back yard, they don't have a large back yard and there are a few bushes & trees in the yard between us.
The neighbor's wife also does daycare for several children from infants to kindergarten in addition to having three young sons so yes there are kids.
When they first started walking through our backyard to get to another neighbor's house it bothered me until I reasoned that we just don't use our yard, why not let them use it. Our children flew the coup before we moved in about 6 years ago.
Currently they have bases for playing ball in our back yard and I enjoy hearing the kids play (we've made it clear that any damage will be paid for by the parents).
The parents have a fire pit that almost is in our yard and use it most weekend nights and we can hang out there if we wanted, As well as hosting large outdoor two day parties several times a summer (we are also invited but don't usually attend).
My only slight worry is insurance. Also I personally feel that they should maintain our yard since they use it the most - right.
posted by DBAPaul at 1:37 PM on June 28, 2012
We have a similar situation. Next door to us is a corner lot whose back yard faces our front/side/back yard, they don't have a large back yard and there are a few bushes & trees in the yard between us.
The neighbor's wife also does daycare for several children from infants to kindergarten in addition to having three young sons so yes there are kids.
When they first started walking through our backyard to get to another neighbor's house it bothered me until I reasoned that we just don't use our yard, why not let them use it. Our children flew the coup before we moved in about 6 years ago.
Currently they have bases for playing ball in our back yard and I enjoy hearing the kids play (we've made it clear that any damage will be paid for by the parents).
The parents have a fire pit that almost is in our yard and use it most weekend nights and we can hang out there if we wanted, As well as hosting large outdoor two day parties several times a summer (we are also invited but don't usually attend).
My only slight worry is insurance. Also I personally feel that they should maintain our yard since they use it the most - right.
posted by DBAPaul at 1:37 PM on June 28, 2012
Response by poster: peep: "This is variable by locale, but easements running six feet from the street are extremely common... I doubt that tree is on your private property."
The tree is approximately 20 feet into our property. If it were only 6 feet we were talking about, there wouldn't be enough room for so many kids to hang out.
posted by marylucycraft at 1:58 PM on June 28, 2012
The tree is approximately 20 feet into our property. If it were only 6 feet we were talking about, there wouldn't be enough room for so many kids to hang out.
posted by marylucycraft at 1:58 PM on June 28, 2012
The tree is approximately 20 feet into our property
Oh, OK. I was thinking it looked like the picture someone linked upthread. Some easements can be for public use but that definitely doesn't sound like it.
posted by peep at 2:13 PM on June 28, 2012
Oh, OK. I was thinking it looked like the picture someone linked upthread. Some easements can be for public use but that definitely doesn't sound like it.
posted by peep at 2:13 PM on June 28, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by brainmouse at 10:56 AM on June 27, 2012 [20 favorites]