How did you cope with your parents moving away?

July 29, 2005 12:09 AM

The boyfriend's parents are moving to South Carolina this weekend. We live in Philadelphia. They live(d) in New Jersey. We're both college age and have been out of "their" house for a year. He is completely distraught over this and I don't know what to do. Has anyone had to deal with parents moving away? What helped? What didn't help?
posted by tozturk to human relations (7 comments total)

So you two lived with his parents for a while in New Jersey? I'm guessing he's close with his parents...how old is "college age"? Did he want to move out in the first place?
posted by zardoz at 12:47 AM on July 29, 2005

I hate ton say this, and it insensitive... BUT when I moved away from home at a young age (17) the one thing that kept me going was great sex with my girlfriend. LOL.

Sex beats mom's cooking any day.
posted by Livewire Confusion at 4:01 AM on July 29, 2005

zardoz asks some good questions. What are some the motivations for the move? What are the familial relations like?

From personal experience (and I had the same thing happen, only my parents moved to another country) it just takes time. Depending on the situation, there are a number of realizations that you have to come to in order to be comfortable with the knowledge that you're on your own. It's a bit of a shock, but it will pass. Just be there for him. Make him feel as if your home together is stable and that, while South Carolina is not exactly close, it is not on the other side of the planet. Road trips are fun! (Depending on the weather).

One of the hardest aspects for me was visiting my hometown to see friends etc. and not really feeling like I was home anymore (not having a place to stay sort of affirmed it) but again, it's something that you just get used to.
posted by purephase at 5:09 AM on July 29, 2005

Schedule your first visit down to his parents now--that gives him something to look forward to. Make a commitment to visit on a regular schedule--whatever makes sense for you money- and time-wise.
posted by josh at 5:36 AM on July 29, 2005

To clarify - we didn't live with his parents - we've had our own apartment in PA for a year. It's been a year since we've each been out of the houses of our respective parents.
posted by tozturk at 6:26 AM on July 29, 2005

First, I'd find out what exactly he's distraught over: the relocation of his parents, or his loss of a home in his NJ hometown. I'd venture that it's the second one.

If he's worrying about his loss of a hometown, try helping him set up a network of places to crash with his friends. I had a friend in a similar situation, and he waited until he wanted to visit to try and find somewhere to stay, and it turned out that a lot of people were busy that weekend, and I never found out where he stayed (or heard from him again, at that). So set it up now. Also, look for nice little bed-and-breakfasts there, as a back-up. Might give it a home-y feel.
posted by MrZero at 6:44 AM on July 29, 2005

MrZero is dead-on here. This happened to me when I went to college -- my folks left Alabama and moved to South Carolina. While losing the physical "home" of my childhood stung, what hurt most was not having any friends to visit when I'd come home to visit over breaks. And when you're in school, breaks are *long* (3+ weeks).

Building on what MrZero suggested, on top of organizing a visit to your boyfriend's past hometown, try to accompany him on one (or more) of his trips home during breakd. Realizing this puts your family/hometown in second-position, maybe you could set up an alternating system -- winter break at his place, spring break at yours.
posted by herc at 8:49 AM on July 29, 2005