Is this Ok?

June 26, 2012 4:23 AM

Does a young person have the responsibility to work full time hours even when there are no interesting prospects available?

I graduated in December with a B.A. I'm 24.

Here's my situation. I'm teaching piano lessons part time and unemployed the rest of the time. I LOVE doing the piano lessons; it's fun, inspiring, intellectually stimulating, relaxing yet challenging. It doesn't really feel like a job, though; these kids have busy schedules which I have to work around, i have to change the times nearly every week because of different things they're doing, and the parents don't always pay me right away.

Although I'm still looking, I haven't so far been able to find more than 8 hours a week of work doing this, so my plan is to work part time on the side (i'm living at home again, so that means i don't starve). I had a part time job during the spring that had perfect hours to fit in with the lessons I'm teaching. But that job didn't pan out and now I'm having trouble getting another part time position.

I feel like I am breaking some rule by not working full time. Obviously I'd like the cash that comes with 40 hours a week. On the other hand, whenever i've had to work that many hours in a week, I've felt drained and stifled (apart from one summer position I had working with teens, which made me jump out of bed in the morning). With the degree that I have, there are no interesting full time positions I could take on while at the same time being flexible enough to continue my piano teaching.

I've had quite a bit of spare time which I've been using for yoga classes, starting a singing group, visiting my friends and my grandmother, reading, walking, and spending lots of time with my new boyfriend. I'm trying to get involved in activism too. Eventually I will go back to school, but right now i`m still detoxing from an unhappy undergrad experience.

Does this seem like a bad way to spend my time? If you were me, would you be trying harder to find full time work even if it's work you're not very good at and don't really care about? The dreamer`s voice in my head says that I`ll never get this time back, to enjoy it because I`ll never be 24 and free like this again. But a meaner voice comes along and says I should be working my ass off because I`m young and need to prove myself to the world in some way. What do the wise helper-fairies of askmefi think?

posted by costanza to work & money (68 answers total)

I should be working my ass off because I`m young and need to prove myself to the world

If there's a reason you should work, it's not to prove yourself to the world, it's to pay for rent, bills and groceries.

Are your parents independently wealthy? Do they have plenty of room in their house to put you up indefinitely? Is this an idea that they are honestly completely happy with?

If not, now is the time for a chat with them about how long they are prepared to put you up for, and what would be a fair share of the bills and a fair contribution towards the groceries and so forth. Then this can inform your decision about how much you need to work in order to support yourself.

There's a big difference between temporarily bailing out your adult children when they can't get a job, and financially supporting them in a lifestyle of leisure for the indefinite future.
posted by emilyw at 4:32 AM on June 26, 2012 [43 favorites]

No, on the contrary I think it's a good thing not to get locked in too quickly when you're young. I went for a full-time job as soon as I could get one and nowadays I wonder whether I might have found more unusual and rewarding opportunities if I'd spent a few more years just hanging round doing odd things I enjoyed. Even if nothing had come of it except some agreeable (if poverty-striken) time, I don't think I'd be any poorer now than I am.
posted by Segundus at 4:40 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

To paraphrase the flip-side of your dreamer's voice: "You may call me a meanie... but I'm not the only one."

As a parent, I would be thinking that as a freshly minted BA at 24, you are already a few years late to the time-to-support-yourself party. If your piano teaching gig (or even piano teaching + part-time job) does not earn you enough to support yourself, then yes, you ought to be looking for full-time work. By *choosing* to be underemployed so that you can have tons of spare time to do all the fun stuff you want to do you and have the flexibility to accommodate your very fun, very part-time hobby job, I feel like you are taking advantage of your parents.

Do your parents work more than 8 hours a week to support the household? If so, ask yourself how that is fair. You may not see the connection, but in all likelihood they are in a position to have put you through college (an assumption I'm making because you don't mention paying off student loans as being one of the reasons that would motivate you to get a job) and support a 24-yo child because when THEY WERE 24, they were working hard trying to build careers (which yes, does start with a few years of working crappy jobs that you don't really care about) that would be able to provide that kind of lifestyle 20-30 years down the road.
posted by drlith at 4:41 AM on June 26, 2012 [58 favorites]

You have an obligation to pay your own way in life. If you are contributing your share to the household expenses (rent, food, transportation), then all is well in that regard. If you're not paying those expenses you're cheating your parents.

The other factor is that hard, mindless work is often a stepping stone to your dream job. My kid graduated with his degree in film and communication, he wanted to write and produce films. His first job for the next three years was as a production assistant, grunt work, lift and carry stuff. That job, that that opportunity to prove he was a reliable, hard worker, got him his next job, etc, etc. He's now producing films.. (yea!).

In other words, you have to start somewhere.
posted by HuronBob at 4:45 AM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]

I feel like I am breaking some rule by not working full time.

Well, are you contributing to the household? When I was 24 I had rent and groceries and bills and so on, but I get that that's not always the way things are. However, at 24 you're an adult who should be supporting themselves. I don't know your household, and I don't think this has to be in a purely financial manner, but you're too old to be being looked after by your parents.

If you were me, would you be trying harder to find full time work even if it's work you're not very good at and don't really care about?

Bloody oath. There's no right to work in your chosen area - especially when you're young. You need to work towards that.
posted by pompomtom at 4:50 AM on June 26, 2012

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with pursuing creative avocations but living at home w/parents while teaching piano to kids sounds pretty isolating. What are your medium- or longer-term goals? Under what circumstances did the perfect PT job "not pan out"? It's not necessarily that you ought to be tearing up Wall Street but post-undergrad is the time to be networking with peers, dipping your toes into various kinds of work, finding your path.
posted by headnsouth at 4:50 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

Almost certainly - unless your family is wealthy from an inheritance or something - someone else is feeling "drained and stifled" in exchange for your freedom. You are not decreasing the amount of drain and stifle in the world, you're just putting it on someone else.

All this is assuming, of course, that you can find full-time work, which is a dicey proposition for new grads.
posted by downing street memo at 5:06 AM on June 26, 2012 [11 favorites]

You need to be careful that you don't wake up one day, you're 26 or 28 or 30 and need a job, but have near no resume with which to sell yourself. If I were you that risk would be getting me out the door looking for a fulltime gig, which, as HuronBob says may lead to something else or at least help you find out what you don't want to do.

You can still have a full or part time job and take yoga classes, read and spend time with the new boyfriend and so on. Lots of us manage it!
posted by jamesonandwater at 5:14 AM on June 26, 2012 [23 favorites]

I don't see what your age has to do with it. I mean, at what point do you think you will cross this threshold between 'young and entitled to idleness' and 'not young and obliged to work,' as your parents—and the rest of the people whose work enables your idleness—seem to have done? Your confusion is understandable, given the whole mythology of childhood in the first world and your parents' efforts to shield you from unpleasantness your whole life up to this point, but unless you have concrete plans for graduate school, I think you just passed the last plausible milestone by which you could delay your entry into the working world.
posted by bricoleur at 5:18 AM on June 26, 2012 [6 favorites]

If it's true as you say in a previous AskMe that your mom "wants me to get off my ass and make some money of my own", then you should probably suck it up and take a full-time job. Full-time does not mean permanent, however - you don't have to be stuck at a job you dislike for the rest of your life. Think of it as taking a required class, but one that pays.
posted by FreezBoy at 5:21 AM on June 26, 2012 [11 favorites]

I think lifestyles like yours are going to become more common, as jobs become scarcer and more of us realise we can live adequately with less. However in your case it would be wise to sort out your arrangements with your parents, and to be getting some kind of professional experience for when you are ready to move on. Have you looked in to temping or short term contracts - maybe something that is less of a commitment than a full time permanent job.
posted by EatMyHat at 5:21 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

This is between you and whoever is supporting you financially, ultimately. Talk with them and encourage them to be honest about whether this arrangement is working for them, and how long they're willing to continue it.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:21 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

There is no "one right answer" to this, and I am a person who did not find my "dream career" until my late 20s, and my "dream career that pays enough to live and maybe retire on" took another decade, but, in general:

1) You need to bring in enough money to pay your share. You may live with parents, friends, lovers, on your own, whatever, but you need to pay your bills. In this case, negotiate with your parents -- you should initiate this. Also, as suggested above, get a "drop dead date" to get your own place. It's easy to get locked into a "comfortable but stifling" situation, so this is for your good, too.

2) get at least a part-time job. It keeps you rooted in the world, forces you to deal with flakey coworkers, crazy bosses, and messy schedules while you are young enought to flexibly create non-toxic coping mechanisms.

3) A job will also help you understand what you are good at, what you like, dislike, and deal-breakers for jobs. Learning this early is very useful. Plus, depending on the job, you may meet friends, allies, mentors, etc. Money is great, but it's our networks that make our lives really work.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:21 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

You have to work enough to support yourself. I mean, you live at home. They're supporting you. But at 24, that's getting pretty old for mom and dad to pay for your room and board.

It's okay to dream, but you have practical needs to address, too. Your parents can't keep supporting you the way they have forever and if you have the ability to work, then you have a responsibility to earn a living.

Which is not to say it will be easy for you to find a job, but you should be looking. Get your foot in the door and start building your resume.

Good luck. :)
posted by inturnaround at 5:23 AM on June 26, 2012

tl;dr on my comment -- no, you are not really "obligated" to work full-time, but there are definitely benefits to working at least part-time if you can manage it.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:25 AM on June 26, 2012

The beautiful thing about adulthood is that you can do whatever the fuck you like.

As long as you can pay for it.

Given your earlier question it sounds like your parents don't want you to live off their dime at 24. So don't do that anymore.
posted by French Fry at 5:27 AM on June 26, 2012 [17 favorites]

Simple. If you can afford to work part time without borrowing, sponging, etc., and can use that time to develop yourself for a future career or to have fun you will not be able to have when you are older, go for it.

If you are living on anyone else's dime, you should change that at 24. No one out of college should be dependent on their parents for a dime.
posted by spitbull at 5:38 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

Jobs you get in your early twenties often sort of suck; that's just the deal. If you're careful and aware, you can make choices that will lead you to a road you're happy with long-term. In the short term, you probably need to take a full time job and ditch the piano lessons, unless you want to tell the parents if you can only do it after six or whatever. If the only time I could get for piano lessons for my kid with someone I liked was after six, I might go for it.

But yeah, it's depressing to be twenty-four and in a job you hate. I can still remember walking off to sit and cry while working some horrible job I hated. I'd have felt better if I knew that it wasn't what I thought - the beginning of a soul-destroying, deadening, lifeless trajectory that would define the rest of my life until I died with (or most likely without) the tattered remains of my youthful hopes and dreams.

I did a ton of shit after that period -- I had good relationships, terrible relationships, got married, got divorced, had okay jobs and jobs I hated. I got a (pretty useless, thanks) graduate degree in my mid-thirties, moved across the country and back, fell in love, got a dog, had a kid...etc. I have a job I really love now. I haven't checked email for four days because I'm on vacation and it's killing me.

Your life will not be defined by an occasional crappy period. Lots of other things are going on. Just try to get the overall direction right over the long term (five years, ten years) and don't settle for things that don't make you happy in the long term. Short term, you gotta do what you gotta do.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:40 AM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]

The other thing is, it's not going to get any *easier* to start working full time. It's a major adjustment. It's an adjustment most people make at some point because the adjustment to not having any money or anyplace to live or anything to eat is a bigger, even more unpleasant adjustment. But you figure it out, and usually it's fine.

Also: if you're a good piano teacher you probably don't need to put up with that schedule changing/rearranging business. None of my piano teachers would have put up with that, and I bet yours didn't either.
posted by mskyle at 5:41 AM on June 26, 2012 [8 favorites]

I think you need to stop thinking of yourself as a "young person" and starting thinking of yourself as what you are - an adult. Its time to grow up and the sooner you do, the easier it will be. Right now, you're relatively young (although as mentioned above, older than most new graduates), people are going to cut you a certain amount of slack, they wont expect an extensive resume or lots of experience but the longer you leave it the harder its going to be to get an entry-level graduate job. It sounds like right now though the plan is to bum around having fun for a year (or more?) mooching off your parents to 'detox' from your undergrad degree then try to go back to school (on your parents dime?)? If undergrad was so bad, why do you want to go back to school? What's the plan after that? If you go back for an MA you're going to be late 20s when you graduate, if the plan is a phD (or another undergrad), you'll be in your 30s when you graduate with no real work experience. You'll be competing with job candidates who are much younger and/or have tons more work experience than you. You should be working not to "prove yourself to the world" but to improve your future job prospects.... or do you expect your parents to support you indefinitely?

Your parents aren't obligated to support you, you're taking advantage of them by not working as hard as you can to support yourself (or at least trying as hard as you can to find work). You are very lucky to have parents who are willing and able to support you into your mid 20s and its ok to take advantage of that but taking advantage of that means not having to take the first job that comes along, not having to work 3 jobs to pay rent, bills and student loans like some other kids your age are having to do. It does not mean dossing around like you're on holiday while your parents pay your way. It gives you options, it gives you the flexibility to take some time to figure out what you want to do but based on your previous questions, you graduated 6 months ago so you've had plenty of time to decompress from school and start figuring out what you're going to do with your life.

You mentioned in a previous post that you speak french. Have you considered trying to pick up some freelance translation work? If you work for yourself you'll be able to set your own hours and should be able fit work around your piano teaching.

You should also consider trying to find an iternship - you have the luxury of not having to worry about bills so it wont matter that the pay is crap or non existent and can be a great way to get experience and make contacts until you go back to school. It will look a lot better in interviews than yoga and hanging out with your new boyfriend.
posted by missmagenta at 5:42 AM on June 26, 2012 [4 favorites]

Parents are obliged to support children, the thing is you're not a child. Nor a young person, but you're acting like both. You won't take work that's not interesting while you live at home being supported by parents who one assumes are carrying the load so you can enjoy your 20s that you somehow feel entitled to while away. A child complains about a boring job they've been given and decides not to do it. An adult sucks it up and does it because it has to be done. Guess which camp you fall in?

The thing is, crappy menial jobs can be a time in your life that make you as a person. Some of my fondest memories and dearest friends have come about through bonding over shared experiences in terrible part time jobs when I was younger. We've all gone on to professional careers and successes but we learnt the value of hard work and money doing low skilled work because we had to.

The other thing is, the longer you put off working, the emptier your resume will be and eventually you'll stop being an attractive candidate as employers will want someone whose actually driven, and interested in working. Right now you don't seem to be that person. But you can be, it sounds like you have options right now, you just have to take them. Give it a shot, chances are its not as bad as you think!
posted by Jubey at 5:43 AM on June 26, 2012 [9 favorites]

now i`m still detoxing from an unhappy undergrad experience.

This is totally valid. After I finished my Ph.D., I worked at a part time job that paid well without requiring too much work, hung out with my friends, and took a bunch of long vacations while updated my CV, submitted papers to conferences (which I coordinated with my vacations), and went on the job market. And, honestly, I was way overdue to take some time off.

That said, I had only gone 2 months with anything other than full time work or school (or both) since the age of 18, and that was only once. You need a plan and a direction. It's one thing to take time off between "things." It's another thing to take time off which is indefinite where you have no idea what you're going to do on the other end. Time can move pretty quickly, and waking up in 2 years realizing that you don't have much to show for it is problematic.

If you want to keep detoxing, do that. But have something firmly in place on the other end so that there's a fixed deadline to the end of your detox period.
posted by deanc at 5:47 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

1. Regardless of how much you work outside the house, you ought to be doing your share (or more) at home. If mom is still looking after you (rather than the other way around), you aren't doing enough at home. Now is the time to learn how to make yourself cook and clean and handle DIY repairs. Not technically how to do these things -- you probably already know how to make a basic meal -- but how to force yourself to do it every day. That's what adults do. Your parents will also never get this time back.

2. "I've felt drained and stifled" is exactly how most people would describe the jobs they do their entire lives. Complaining about it makes you sound a bit spoiled. You aren't a bit spoiled, are you? Because if you are, you ought to get out and earn some cash to put into the household.

That's the deal. Buy groceries. Put gas in the family car. Cook meals. Wash dishes. Clean floors. And earn some money outside the house.
posted by pracowity at 5:59 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

So you're teaching and you have a part time job? That's the scoop?

You know what? I think what you're doing is, qualifiedly, fine. I think that a lot of people are brought up to see work as morally important in itself and that this underlying belief colors everything else they say. Also, people tend to resent others who have it easier than they do (instead of working for social reform so that everyone has it easier) and so in a recession everyone will yell at you for not being in a precarious and miserable position. If your parents are okay with your current arrangement and it's not hitting them financially, I say there's nothing wrong with it - under certain conditions:

1. The longer you wait to have real work, the sloppier your resume may look - as you do part time work and teach, try to think about how to spin this as part of a larger employment/career arc. If you can get a sort of "pre-professional" part time job (like part-time hours in your chosen field) that's even better.

2. You can easily get demotivated and drift for years - a sort of "too bad to stay, too good to leave" headspace. How long are you planning to do what you're doing? If you're saying to yourself, my goal is to [do X thing] in six months and you have the kind of character where you can stick to it, that's fine.

3. Are you losing touch with friends and peers? That can also demotivate you if you're living out in random suburbia far from things you care about.

Reasons this could actually be good if you work it right:

1. Taking the time to figure out what you actually want to do - most people I know who got into specialty fields and oddball jobs did as you're doing, floated around for a bit.

2. Volunteering or doing part-time work that leads to a real job. Also, if you want good-quality non-profit, academic, entry-level library or pretty much any other kind of humanities gig, you will find it much easier to get a full time job after working part time hours for a while. If you spend a year doing so-so part time work and it pays off with a full-time, non-horrible job that launches you in a real career, it will be money well spent.

Do your parents mind? Honestly, I know a lot of parents who would be happy to have their kids at home working part time if it was part of a larger plan and if the kids were helping out with chores and some cash. In this economy, the prospect of giving your kid a little more help now so that they can be secure later just isn't that bad.
posted by Frowner at 6:01 AM on June 26, 2012 [9 favorites]

Other people have adequately covered the impact to your parents, (which I agree with), so I'm going to cover the impact to you.

You may think that this lifestyle is ideal, but in fact, habits form very easily. Right now you think forty hours of work seems draining and stifled - but how much more so do you think you're going to feel if you've had two years of relaxing freedom before getting that stifling job? The jobs aren't going to get any better, but you are going to get less willing to tke them.
posted by corb at 6:03 AM on June 26, 2012 [6 favorites]

Also, you graduated in May, right? And you don't have a full time gig and a life plan lined up and everyone is telling you that you're a sort of generational blight?

I wonder how many of the hippie-dippie/nerdy mefite audience actually drifted around a little bit and got extra support from family in our early twenties? God knows I drifted, although due to fortunate circumstances and a better economy I was self-supporting.

You could even argue that if you're from a rich background you shouldn't work, because you're taking a job from someone who actually needs it. If mom and dad are millionaire corporate lawyers or whatever, yeah, keep on keeping on - don't take that entry level clerical position from Joe Proletariat just so you can say you're working.
posted by Frowner at 6:06 AM on June 26, 2012 [7 favorites]

You are not young. Get over it.

You were lucky enough to have an undergrad and support from your family, but now it's time to be an adult. The BEST part of being an adult is the ability to live on your own, support yourself and finally live under your own rules. I was clawing at the walls to move out of my parents home - having your first real job is something to be proud of...obviously you'll start at the bottom LIKE EVERYONE ELSE but you'll eventually progress in your career to get the job you want. That's how it goes.

If you like teaching piano - then you need to figure out how to support yourself doing it. If you start half assing your life now then WTF are you going to do later on down the road?

I wonder how many of the hippie-dippie/nerdy mefite audience actually drifted around a little bit and got extra support from family in our early twenties? God knows I drifted, although due to fortunate circumstances and a better economy I was self-supporting.

None. I'm 26 and I had to work throughout college - after college and coming from a single parent home, I couldn't have had support if I wanted it.
posted by Danithegirl at 6:09 AM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]

Most of the others have it figured out (based on the question you seem to be leeching off your parents at an age past when most others willingly are, if they're not ok with that, it's not ok; if they are ok with that, make sure you use this time wisely), but I wanted to offer an answer to the "no interesting prospects available" part.

Life doesn't have an obligation to hand you "interesting prospects." Some people seem to get lucky and have interesting prospects handed to them. For others it is far more apparent that they're creating their own world full of interesting and challenging things to do. But even the people who get lucky often have done something to put themselves in the position to receive the luck, or to be open and receptive to the opportunity or to take the opportunity and then be successful.

A lot of people (a lot of people) work jobs that are — to me and probably to you — only marginally more interesting than staring at a wall. I have literally spent 12-hour days filling cardboard boxes with cans. Or unflattening and taping those cardboard boxes. Or turning the caps on those cans to face the right direction. Not all of those three in one 12-hour shift, just one. For 12 hours. For me that was a temporary job while I was in college. But there were people there who had spent their entire working lives doing those things.

Needless to say, I wanted more fulfillment out of my career. So do you. There's nothing wrong with that. But you can't expect that one day someone will just knock on your parents front door with a contract and a signing bonus for your dream job. Create your own opportunity. You're teaching piano part time. Why not take on more students? If you're working for someone else doing that, why not start your own business as a piano teacher?
posted by brentajones at 6:09 AM on June 26, 2012 [15 favorites]

1. How would you define being an adult?

2. When do you think your life as an adult will start?

3. What do you see yourself doing as an adult?

4. When do you think adults should become self-sufficient?

5. Right now someone else is paying for you to live your life. When do you think it's o.k. to accept that help, and when do you think those people should have the money to live *their* lives the way they would like to?
posted by purplesludge at 6:10 AM on June 26, 2012

Also, you graduated in May, right?

Based on past questions the OP graduated some time between December 5th 2011 and Jan 31st 2012
posted by missmagenta at 6:11 AM on June 26, 2012

If you like working with teens, why not just get a B.Ed (if in Canada) or get into teaching (if in USA where you can often start first and get M.Ed while working)?

Honestly, if you like teaching and kids...there you go.

(I flittered around too and found myself thinking 'christ, I need a career/job at 25. THEN I went into teaching. If I loved kids and teaching from the beginning I definitely would have started earlier. For you, there's no downside!).
posted by bquarters at 6:34 AM on June 26, 2012

The problem with this lifestyle, even if your parents are in support of it and it's not a hardship for them, is that (1) as others have mentioned, it's not doing much for your resume, which could hurt you later on, and (2) this is the time in your life when it most benefits you to put away as much for retirement as possible. I'm 28 now, just about to finish my master's (I worked for several years between degrees), and it pains me that because of school, for the past two years, I really haven't been able to do any of that (I did some before, at least, but not as much as I should have). Now that I'm about to get married and would very much like to see a house in my future, reality is setting in all the more. I guess if neither of those are on your list of things to do/have in life, or at least not for a long time, then this might not be as pertinent, but it really is important to think about saving up for retirement regardless, and it's easier the earlier and more heartily you start. (There's also the added benefit of health insurance, which most part-time jobs won't give you; not sure what your situation is with that.)

Also, regarding grad school—I've done a relatively easy program, as far as graduate studies go (library science), and it is still a lot of work. A lot of that work has not been fun (often draining, sometimes even stifling), but it's a means to an end. If you're looking at a PhD, then we're talking way more than 40 hours per week, for years (my understanding of "breaks" at the PhD level is that you're basically expected to work through them, so goodbye summer vacation), but even with a master's you're still looking at more that 40 hours per week.

I'm all for self-improvement, finding your passions, &c. You can do these things and still work more than you are now. (In fact, pursuing your interests outside of work can help alleviate/balance out the negativity that emerges from doing a job you don't enjoy.) You just have to want it badly enough.

After reviewing some of the other responses: Definitely try to keep going with giving piano lessons if it brings you so much joy(!). Just be more firm with your clients that XYZ times are your availability, and make sure that each kid has a specific time slot every week (maybe allow occasional exceptions, but not every week). Having a set schedule will probably be easier on you in the long run anyway.
posted by divisjm at 6:34 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

a. Take a hit to your lifestyle now while your body can handle it, so you can have a better lifestyle when it can't
b. Enjoy your youth until your support structure is gone and you don't have the energy to create your own

Does your bf work 40 hours? Do you see a future with him? Do you expect your future long-term S/O to be the provider?
posted by MangyCarface at 6:37 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

There's nothing great about doing busywork to earn money you don't need just to say that you "have a job". You'd be wasting your time, and no one else would gain anything from it.
Use your time to actually make other people's lives better. Start by putting in at least an hour or two a day around the house- enough to make a measurable difference in your parents' workload. Also look into doing some volunteer work in your community- tutor kids, help in a nursing home, tend a community garden. You are in a uniquely privleged position right now and you should take advantage of it in a way that makes the world a better place.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 6:38 AM on June 26, 2012

I would take all these comments (mine included) with a grain of salt. I really believe a lot of this is defined by culture and everyone sees things through the same tinted glasses. But, that aside, here are a few thoughts, OP.

• Are your parents okay financially? Would it help them if you chipped in some of the $ you earned towards their retirement,etc.? You probably already know the answer (I heard $ arguments from the time that I was a small child),but 1) observe how they act/conversations, 2) offer to chip in and 3) have an honest conversation. My rationale is just so that they are not hurt in the process, but ...they may be fine or isn't a big deal to them. Just find it out.

• I'm not trying to pick on you but trying to answer this from a larger perspective and went through your other ask mes. How are your mental health issues? I saw some of your previous questions. I do think that would over ride any societal definition of what you should do right now because society or some random yahoo on the internet states X. I've seen people lose jobs, etc., when this is not in line. Listen to what any pple (physicians, psychiatrists, etc.) say regarding your health right now. Make sure that you are on stable meds, etc. (you may be but I saw the past questions and do know that it can sometimes take years).

• What do you want to do OP.? What do you imagine doing 5 years from now?10 years from now? You mention going back to school and my question is for what? What field? Do you need experience? How do you know that you want to do that? I'm speaking as a person who got degrees, took a job, and then said I'd rather throw something in my eye than do this -- then you try another career. But my concern is -- if i is a new degree/field, try to get experience doing that. It could even be volunteer work right now if you can't get a full-time job doing it. I read lots of "my dream job is X" posts and read descriptions of someone cooking hamburgers instead for 10 years (and I've done those jobs too)- but in the end, experience doing those things, even if it is voluntary,trumps other things. So do assess why you plan to go onwards in school. Find out what the average person does in that field.

• You mention another possible/dream career in an earlier post (helping immigrants).How did that work out? Did you volunteer? Can you talk to people who work there what you would need to become an employee there (only if it is still a goal). It may also be useful to volunteer there and spend time doing info interviews to get into a job (find out what you need to get hired).I also think that it could be really cool if you volunteered and offered...a music class! Some of the kids may not have as many opportunities right now.

• Do you want to do this? (music). I absolutely agree with Brenta- you could turn this into a career if you like it. Figure out what you would earn if you were a recently minted BA and what your colleagues get (when I was right out of college, it wasn't much....). Now divide that amt of $ (count taxes)/48...these are weeks...giving you vacation time). This is how much you should bring home a week. Now it may mean teaching many more students and that would mean advertising/throwing up ads. Or it may mean getting other part time jobs, such as --teaching music at a school part time? Playing music at weddings? I don't know your skill set. But you can create your own job. Do make sure to charge the right amt and always think hourly. If you make it work, you can throw that on a resume.

Do feel free to memail me if you think that it would help. I've known people who have had to deal with mental health issues and put that as highest on the list. I also work for myself and have found a way to make it work (do what I enjoy/find stimulating/on my terms). I don't buy into the "must work X/hours" because everybody else works X hours.
posted by Wolfster at 6:51 AM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]

If you were me, would you be trying harder to find full time work even if it's work you're not very good at and don't really care about?
I would, but I'm not you, so why should my opinion matter?
posted by sm1tten at 6:52 AM on June 26, 2012

Yeah, I moved back in with my dad for a while when I was 24. I moved back to my hometown after my (semi-disastrous) first job. I paid nominal rent, which my dad gave me back when I moved out, which was lovely of him (he didn't tell me he was going to do this, so it was a real treat). When I was just mooching around the house all day "looking for a job" and playing computer games, things were pretty tense. Eventually I got a full-time job and things got a lot better, and in some ways I look back on that time very fondly - I got to know my stepmother and stepsister better, for one thing. But that beginning unemployed time was not good for me, and I'm glad my dad gave me a kick in the pants to get moving.

Like missmagenta says, there's a suffocating aspect to that safety net.

Do you have any money saved? Like, if you got offered a great job you loved that was too far away from your parents' house to commute, could you afford to pay first/last/security on an apartment?

I don't think you should work because working is something you "should" do - having more work means more money; more money means more independence; independence is something many people value very highly - how do you feel about it?
posted by mskyle at 6:56 AM on June 26, 2012

Okay, you are not a "young person" anymore. You are an adult. Right now.

Start looking at your life that way, because if you don't, and you don't take the steps you need to take to become a self-sufficient adult you're going to be exactly where you are right now in a few years and have nothing to show for it.

You can still have hobbies, visit friends, and work full time. I am 26 and I have three jobs. Why? Because I'll never be in my 20s and have as few obligations as I do right now to work a full time office job and two part time jobs about the things I am actually passionate about.

This sounds harsh, but it sounds like you are making a lot of excuses as to why you can't work a full-time job. You can't work around your piano lessons, every 40 hour a week job you have had is too draining, there is nothing interesting out there...you'd "like" the cash (but it sounds like you think you don't really need it, and unless your family is planning on supporting you indefinitely through retirement, and paying for when you go back to school, you do need it).

Why can't you grow your piano teaching business? If it is something you really love, why don't you start seeing if you can grow this into a full-time gig?
posted by inertia at 7:02 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

At 24 you're a grown up. It sucks. I know. I'm 30 and a civil servant and a step mom and busy as hell and I have many a freak out moment of "Holy Christ, when did I become a grown up! So many responsibilites are suffocating me!!!!" but you are and it is time to man up and start acting like one.


Not to add to the pile on, but not working at 24 definitely wouldn't fly for me. And not just because I personally would feel very uncomfortable doing nothing and not paying my own way (I value my self sufficiency), but also because, as others have said, I would be forcing someone else to pick up my slack. If your parents have already asked you to get a job and move on but you're sort of refusing because there are no "interesting prospects".... well, that is kind of a dick move. They have no doubt already helped you out finanically and personally for way longer than you would have needed to get established on your own, and now they are probably really wishing you'd just grow up and start being an adult. Maybe they are worrying about when/if you'll EVER find your own grown up way and be self sufficent. Maybe they are worrying a lot about the financial costs and hardships having you continue to leach off of them is causing. This all just seems super uncool.

Also, aside from it being kind of dickish to your parents, not having a job at 24 for this long is going to continue to make your job prospects even LESS interesting because the "interesting prospects" will be looking for people with experience. And, as others have said before, the longer you avoid a very normal adult work schedule, the harder it will be on you when you have to.

If you really want an interesting job that gets you excited, then do what almost everyone else on the planet has to do and earn it. Find a job roughly in an area that interests you and then work your way up. View the "boring" jobs as the path to the good stuff.


Also, does your new boyfriend work? I'll bet he does, and yet somehow he still manages to spend time with you. (and on a perhaps very subjective level, when I was 24 I would have never considered dating someone that age who lived with their parents and didn't work because I would have questioned their work ethic and maturity and ambition. I would immediately worry that if I did get involved with them in a long term way whether they would expect me to always support them and carry the household costs alone since clearly they have no problem doing it now.)
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 7:05 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

Also, just as a frame of reference, I came from a fairly wealthy upbringing. Both of my parents are doctors and I frankly wanted for nothing (within reason). They even paid for my undergrad (but I paid my own way for the rest of my education.) Yet, I have worked every day since I was 14, often had two jobs, worked through all my university years, and I did all this even during the times that I lived at home with my parents (in the summers between semesters.) I did it not because they cut me off or demanded it of me. I did it because I wanted to be independant and feel able to manage my own life and support myself.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 7:08 AM on June 26, 2012

Ideally, how much you work should be established by the wages you can earn and the degree to which you value your free time. For every possible hour you could work, you need to ask yourself whether you would prefer to have the pay or prefer to have the time for other purposes.

Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of jobs that allow you to make such granular choices.

That being said, I don't think you should feel obligated to work any set amount. You just need to make an intelligent trade-off about how to use your time. To me, it doesn't sound like your non-work activities are a waste of time. So, if you aren't struggling excessively for money, I wouldn't worry too much about working more.
posted by sindark at 7:10 AM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

You need a full-time job for all the reasons others have provided above, and for another reason: It will make you feel better, in general and about yourself. There's a positive mental effect from having a schedule and a place to go, keeping up with your peers, working hard, learning something new, being rewarded for work, and being independent.

Did you see this book review in the New Yorker? Spoiled Rotten: Why do kids rule the roost? Read the first few paragraphs and compare your life with that of 3- and 6-year-olds in other cultures. I'm not nagging here, because obviously why work if someone will feed you? But you are capable of much more! It's time to be your own parent, and set your expectations for yourself higher than your parents have set for you.
posted by Houstonian at 7:12 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

If you're enjoying teaching piano: Do That. I made a living teaching piano for many years, it's entirely possible to make the same amount in 10-12 hours of teaching as in a 40-hour week. Start charging more, get students that pay you on time (part of this is having a set schedule), and advertise. Ask your students for referrals, too. Find out what the market rate is for piano teaching in your neck of the woods, and don't undercut yourself. I would bet that you're charging half (or less) of what you could be charging. Particularly by allowing your students to move around their lessons - this sets up the idea that what you do with them isn't serious or worthwhile. It's the thing they fit in as an after thought. Unless in cases of severe illness, any lesson canceled less than two weeks in advance they still have to pay for.

If you want to talk about how to make this a job that really can support you, I would be happy to talk to you about it. Shoot me an email (in my profile).
posted by stoneweaver at 7:15 AM on June 26, 2012 [7 favorites]

On the other hand, whenever i've had to work that many hours in a week, I've felt drained and stifled (apart from one summer position I had working with teens, which made me jump out of bed in the morning).

I'm of two minds about this:

On the one hand, it's good to form the habit of doing things like showing up for work on time, getting along with a team you might not have personally chosen, doing projects on deadline, meeting responsibilities you find boring, and--crucially--seeking out projects or opportunities that you're more interested in. I don't think it's important to have a crappy job right out of college just to prove to the world you can keep a crappy job, but I do think that you learn a lot about yourself, your ambitions, and adulthood by entering the working world. It's incredibly valuable to learn how to be an adult working a job you don't want to have forever but need right now. It can also be a way to reconsider your assumptions about your life goals: in almost any job, there are going to be things you like and things you dislike, and it's good to sort that out (i.e., maybe you hate hate hate working alone all day, but you don't mind boring work if there's someone to talk to; maybe you're really good at organizing events or meetings, etc.). You may not always have the opportunity to work in your intended field--or to make enough money doing so to only work in your intended field--but it's pretty easy to approach a supervisor and say, "I'm really good at XYZ, can we look for ways I can apply that skill here at Acme Corp?"

On the other hand, if you know what makes you "jump out of bed in the morning"--go do that! Find a way to work with teens. If your parents will support you, you can consider taking a low-paying or even volunteer position (perhaps something like AmeriCorps, or your country's equivalent if you're outside the US)--something that will give you experience that can springboard you into a paid position after a year or so. If they won't support you while you volunteer, consider volunteering a bunch while working retail or food service (jobs you can do evenings or weekends, leaving your weekday business hours free to get experience in your intended field). Or, temp part time, teach piano lessons part time, and volunteer with teens on weekends.

I don't think this is about proving anything to the world. I think this is about developing the habits you'll need to be a successful, happy adult. You don't have to be crazy-ambitious, working 80 hour weeks, and never relaxing. And I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some time off (with an end date in mind). But there's plenty of room for hobbies and yoga and friends and family alongside a 40-hour work week. If you have some type of illness (mental or physical) that literally makes working 40 hour weeks a hardship: seek treatment. If you're just not used to it: practice, practice, practice. Fill your time with work experience that will build your resume and grow your maturity as a working adult, or fill your time with work/volunteer experience that takes you in the direction you want to go (i.e., working with teens/kids). But fill your time meaningfully. Get in the habit of working hard--working toward something.
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:23 AM on June 26, 2012

"I've felt drained and stifled" is exactly how most people would describe the jobs they do their entire lives.

I got a traineeship doing something I loved, and when it ended, I had the choice between getting a shitty temp job or moving back in with my parents. I chose the temp job - well, it wasn't really that much of a choice - and althoiugh I came home in tears on the first day because it was soul-suckingly awful and being a temp means you're more or less ignored in some offices, it was worth it to me because it allowed me to maintain my independence.

Maybe you're asking this question because you're wondering what life would be like if you too were completely independent. If I was your age, and not the massive financial fuck up I was then, I'd be looking at doing something like teaching or volunteering abroad before I got settled into serious relationship/career/children/mortgage/more education. Save a bit of money. Look into something like the JET program or the Peace Corps (if you're American) and balance independence with some life experience.
posted by mippy at 7:26 AM on June 26, 2012

The best plan for an enthusiastic young underemployed piano teacher in a large metropolitan area is to start a piano school that employs you and eventually other underemployed piano teachers and even other teachers of other instruments. Starting and running such a business is something you ought to be taught at music school. Assuming that wasn't the case, go and find out how to start a business, borrow a little cash as needed, and get it done. You'll need to have accessible practice rooms somewhere (maybe you can rent from a local school) and you'll need to learn how to do some light business paperwork (accounting, taxes, etc.) or get someone to do it for you.

You love teaching piano so much that it doesn't feel like work? So work at your own business more than full time. Work like crazy. Work double time, triple time. Advertise heavily locally (relative to the practice room location) to attract some of the many people who "always wanted to learn the piano" but never got the chance. Make contacts with other local piano teachers who can teach if you can't handle the load. Eventually it will succeed or fail, and either way you'll do well for your future.

And learn how to be a piano coach and promoter, not just a teacher. Build confidence and enthusiasm. Become the crazy piano lady (or the piano-crazy lady) of your city. Form the adult piano learners league. Put on lots of free performances. Find a venue (maybe arranged in or through a piano store?) where you can put two or three pianos together on a stage and have beginners play intricate pieces because you've arranged them for six beginners sitting at three pianos, plus maybe a couple more people on electronic keyboards.
posted by pracowity at 7:37 AM on June 26, 2012 [9 favorites]

I was in a similar position at age 22, with a degree in a field that I didn't want to work in (nor could I find a job in that field at the time). I was living with family who did not expect me to contribute financially, although I did contribute by doing chores around the house.

I took a full time job in retail, working as much as possible. Yes, it was a shitty way to spend 40 hours a week. It didn't use my skills, or pay me very much. But it got me out the house, and earning some money. It got me talking to people. It helped me develop a better work ethic. Eventually, after several years, it helped me see a better career path. This other career path required a different degree, but I had saved up a lot of money during the couple of years I lived with family, so I could afford to pay university tuition once again.

And eventually, when I was applying for summer internships, it helped that I had been working retail all those years (including part time while attending university the second time) - I was specifically asked how many hours a week I worked while attending school. It showed employers that I was a hard worker who could prioritize.

So, while you may not feel the need to work in a dead-end job, you really don't know where that job will take you. I definitely would not have even considered the career path I have now without working in retail. And I actually love my job now, and do very well financially.

On the other hand, whenever i've had to work that many hours in a week, I've felt drained and stifled

I hear you about working 40 hour weeks. It sucks. But if you want a real career someday, you're going to have to get used to eventually. It does get easier over time.
posted by barnoley at 8:01 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

You're barking up the wrong tree in asking all of us here; the people you really need to be asking are your parents.

If they're supporting you with the implicit understanding that you're going to get a full-time job and move the hell out Real Soon Now, then it's pretty dishonest to hang around when you're not actually on that path. But if they're comfortable and happy with you living at home, presumably not contributing very much financially, then I suppose it's fine.

But I think eventually, either you're going to chafe at living at home, or your parents are going to chafe at supporting your freewheeling lifestyle. That's just based on my friends' experience going through the same thing.

At some point you're going to need to move out, and at that point you're either going to have to find a better-paying job (probably full time), or you're going to suffer a dramatic and immediate decline in your standard of living versus the one you've enjoyed.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:01 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

[Folks, answer with more constructive help and less complaining about other people please. Comments have to be answers to the question.]
posted by jessamyn at 8:01 AM on June 26, 2012

A lot of people don't like their jobs or like having jobs. We hired a 24-year-old, and it's pretty clear he is very upset about missing summer parties during the week and going out all the time. He comes in late because he still tries to live like he did before he had a job and his work performance is pretty bad, despite the fact that he is incredibly smart. It's a decision that you have to make, whether you want to get starting on building a long-term career so you can make an actual salary, or if you only want to do what you feel like doing. Lots of people take some time when they are young to figure out their career path. That's totally fine. But if you just don't feel like getting a real job, I doubt that will ever change.
posted by AppleTurnover at 8:07 AM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think a better way to look at it is the benefits of working sooner rather than later, instead of the tough love stuff. The job(s) I had at 24 didn't pay great and weren't "bounce out of bed" enjoyable. Yes they led to bigger and better career things but even if they hadn't they allowed me to not live with my parents, indeed to move from Dublin to NYC (a dream of mine), to take regular weekends away with my boyfriend, to afford gym membership and various classes, start saving some cash for bigger goals, to own a pet, etc etc. That was 1,000%, absolutely, more than worth it!

Nobody's a bad person for working less than 40 hours per week! Lots of people have a small services business via craigslist, or work a couple of part time jobs instead, or freelance and work 80 hours a week from the spare bedroom, or sell crappy lifehacking ebooks online, or work seasonal jobs, or whatever. But they all fund their lifestyles and you will need to too because romantic partners come and go, and most parents eventually want their offspring gone. (And living with your folks cramps your social life and independence).

So maybe you could set a deadline - by October 1st I will have turned the piano/singing group into something that makes $X per month, or will have returned to college, or will have targetted and interviewed for [three jobs I would definitely like], or whatever. If not, on October 2nd I start sending out CVs in earnest and do my planning while earning a wage. It's the sense of "just floating" without deadline or goal that would be a bit worrying to me. Good luck anyway.
posted by jamesonandwater at 8:08 AM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

I agree completely with Frowner.

But then, I have only a part-time "real job" which supplements and supports my arts-related income.

Look, you're really lucky in that you don't have to think about wrangling health insurance for another two years. I don't disagree that you should be contributing to your household, but it's not clear from your post that you're not already doing that. What is clear is that you feel ashamed that you're not doing the normal, forty-hour work week grind. In my experience, with a liberal arts degree, that grind will not necessarily pay you any better. For me, it also made me much, much much more miserable.

Several people have discussed getting stuck or someday feeling like you're above "real work." I don't necessarily see any danger in that for you. In fact, the 9-5s where I worked were sick systems full of people who were desperate to leave but saw no way out. At each of these jobs, when I quit for new opportunities which took me far afield geographically and creatively, several employees told me how jealous they were that I was getting out. One, who was in her early twenties, like I was, and lived at home, like I did told me at my own interview how much she wanted to leave. And yet it was incredibly hard to leave. You get used to the steady stream of paychecks, scheduling your life around leave time. Your coworkers make you feel necessary, even if you're just spending most of your day surfing the internet.

She's still there, six years later. Her facebook is full of updates about how much she hates it. You will feel no less stuck in a "real job" than you are now.

The jobs aren't going to get any better, but you are going to get less willing to tke them.

I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. The 40 hour work week grind isn't the best for every worker, nor is it in the best interests of our society that we put every worker into the same little box cube. If I were you, OP, I'd work on finding a way to work with kids and music (this might mean grad school, or a teaching certificate--just try to avoid debt, okay? that limits your work choices considerably). And I'd also continue to find ways to grow and professionalize your small business. You do realize you're a small business owner, right? And the skills you're growing to manage this business should look great on any resume?

Anyway, think about how you can do your best work for yourself and bring the greatest outcome to the world around you. Whatever that is, that's your answer.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:22 AM on June 26, 2012 [7 favorites]

You are under no obligation to work full time hours. You are, however, obligated to take care of yourself. Work enough hours that you can move out and support yourself without help from mom and day. This might mean only working, say, 20 hours a week if you live a minimalist lifestyle and earn a decent wage. On the other hand, it might mean busting your ass for 80 hours a week if you make a shitty wage and/or have an extravagant lifestyle.

Ultimately, however many hours you work, I think it is important that you support yourself and not rely on your parents. You're 24 years old. It's time to start acting like it.
posted by asnider at 8:55 AM on June 26, 2012

mom and dad*
posted by asnider at 8:55 AM on June 26, 2012

Aside from all the issues of whether this is fair to your parents or the need to have jobs on your resume for the time you become self-sufficient, there's one other issue you should address now - most entry-level jobs suck. In fact, there's a lot of jobs that have replaced entry-level positions with unpaid or poorly paid internships. The time to get that out of the way is now, when you don't have to pay rent or feed yourself. It also gives you the opportunity to try a few different jobs and decide what you like. I really recommend that you don't wait until you really need it to find a job, because you won't like what you get as a person with no work experience.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:58 AM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]

As long as you're able to meet whatever obligations you have, it might even be to your advantage to work a couple of part-time jobs for a while so you can get a feel for what your actual interests/strengths might be. No, it's not okay to pay for yoga classes but not pay your parents some rent and board, but it is okay to not have an expensive apartment or new car or the other kinds of money-sucking obligations.

I should be working my ass off because I`m young and need to prove myself to the world in some way

The world does not particularly give a shit about you, because you are young. Take advantage of this while you're still under the radar. I wish I had done something other than immediately mount a desk after I graduated, and instead tried some things out.

If you're going to go back to school in a year or so anyway, you might as well put a certain amount of your energy towards things that'll look good on your applications rather than investing a lot of time in a job you'll have to quit anyway.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:43 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm 25 and have a degree, full-time job, my own car, my own apartment, etc. Guess what, working full time sucks. No denying it. But you get the perks like your own car and your own place and the respect of your peers, 3 things you're now lacking.

You hear many optimistic stories of people who land their dream job, wake up excited to go to work every day, blah blah blah. Thats about .01% of the population, and they're damn loud and proud about it. The rest of us just turn off the alarm, stumble into the shower and go about their day until 5:00 when they can have their life back.

So from what I just posted, you probably want to stay safe and comfortable living at home with your parents. I know I would. But eventually that gravy train's gonna run out, and like everyone else said the longer you wait, the harder/worse its gonna be.
posted by el_yucateco at 10:03 AM on June 26, 2012 [3 favorites]

I don't think it's a moral failing not to work 40 hours a week. If you can get by on less than that and the tradeoff of having more free time but living more frugally is worth it to you, I think that's totally fine.

However, you're living with your parents, so you're not really "getting by," since they're supporting you-- so how do they feel about it? There are two different situations that I can see with this question and I can't tell which is more accurate:

a) You're in and out of the house working part time and doing things in your community and visiting elderly relatives and staying busy but also doing a lot of the chores around the house and pitching in for groceries and cooking meals and looking at this as a temporary situation and your parents are really absolutely 100% fine with you being around.

or

b) You just don't really want to work enough to support yourself so you're living at home even though your parents are reluctant to keep supporting you and you're bored and don't know how to change the situation and feel stuck in a rut and you don't have any plans in your mind about moving out within the next year or so.

I mean, I'm your age and I would never ever want to live with my parents again. But I don't think situation A is the end of the world-- and remember that no matter what you do there's going to be some baby boomer rolling their eyes at you.

However, working full time isn't really that bad. Whenever I switch from part to full time work I feel exhausted for the first couple weeks but then I adjust. Also, if you like working with teens, why not look for a part- or full-time job tutoring or at an afterschool program or something? If that was what made you want to get out of bed, go do that!
posted by geegollygosh at 10:24 AM on June 26, 2012

Looking at it from another angle:

you may need a couple of crappy jobs to be ready for your dream job. Things like getting out of bed and showing up at work at a reasonable time every morning, time management and getting things done, the ability to deal with management and customers and to get along with people from backgrounds that are wildly different from yours - these are skills that don't come naturally to most people, and even the crappiest job will help you acquire them. Also, you can fuck up in a crappy job without it feeling like the end of the world, which it will feel like if you fuck up in your dream job.
posted by rjs at 11:44 AM on June 26, 2012

How do you support yourself if not through your own income? If you don't need to worry about rent/food... I suppose you can do anything you want.

Though I'll admit to having a limited amount of sympathy for your position. A few years back, I had just nailed an audition and accepted a spot in a very exclusive chorus. I mean, it's a 100 member group that took on a total (myself included) of FOUR new members. That was quite an accomplishment for me, artistically, and I was thrilled beyond measure (pun intended) to do it.

At the same time, I was working 50hrs/wk. Now, I was working in my field (childcare) but it was not a job that I loved save for my commitment to the family and general commitment to working and doing my part for the household economy. But... at the same time... my income was not *necessary* to keep my household running. I could have quit working and the worst that would happen would be that I wouldn't have disposable income.

However, my husband would also have been frustrated that I wasn't doing my bit to be responsible and do my share to help out. And rightly so. It was my job to, well, have a job.

As it happened - I couldn't juggle the rehearsal schedule and my job. There was just no way. Complicating matters, I got pregnant and was accepted into the chorus the same week I saw those two pink lines. I did everything I could to stay in the chorus, but it just wasn't doable. I cried a LOT and agonized over the decision - I would have much rather quit my job. If you'd asked me what I *wanted* to do, in a heartbeat the answer would have been quit my job and continue with the chorus until my due date. And that's just not how it worked out. I worked as long as I could and by the time I was able to quit the job, I couldn't rejoin the chorus. So it goes.

At a certain point in life, your job is to have a job. If you don't start seriously working now, how are you going to find a job in five years when your competition has been working and you haven't? You're going to have to start at the bottom no matter when you start - easier to do that at 24 than at 30.

An artistic life is valuable and I fully support your desire to focus on that, but unless you truly never need to worry about money ever in your life, you need to have more than that. Every artist I know has had to give in to get a "straight" job at some point, even if that job wasn't necessarily *interesting.* In the immortal words of Married to the Sea - Shakespeare Got To Get Paid, Son.
posted by sonika at 11:44 AM on June 26, 2012 [2 favorites]

[less eye-rolling, more helpful answers. This family is not your family, give answers appropriate to the OP please.]
posted by jessamyn at 11:52 AM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

There's nothing inherently wrong with living with your parent(s), or with not doing any more paid work than you need to. But do consider whether your folks are as happy with the arrangement as you are, and also whether this is sustainable in the long term. If the answer to both is "yes," I don't see any reason why you shouldn't continue. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks?

[Having seen your update: People who choose to escape the traditional structure of employment always get flak from the "I'm miserable and you should be too" crowd. As I said, as long as a situation's working for you, don't worry about it.]
posted by Perodicticus potto at 11:58 AM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

It sounds like you need to think of what you are doing as a real business and grow it appropriately.

Take a class in small-business accounting, marketing, or entrepreneurship.

Block out two or three hours in your schedule every morning to work on promotional activities for your business.

Read books on management/business development. (Perhaps start with David Allen's Getting Things Done).

Read Ran Prieur's Blog on getting by with a very limited income. Ran is a very intelligent person who has made the conscious decision not to work full-time, but he is able to support himself. (At one time he was living on something like $5,000/year)

Volunteer at kid-oriented events and activities. Pass out business cards.

Look into joining local professional organizations.

Make goals. Write them down. Put them where you can see them every single day.

Seek out help from your local equivalent of the Small Business Association or the Service Corps of Retired Executives.

Network with other people who give lessons in guitar, dance, etc. Promote each other.

Meet with a banker to establish separate business accounts. Look into setting up a separate legal entity.

Perhaps look into providing childcare/babysitting services. Your background working with kids seems ideal for this kind of work.

So no, you don't have to get a 50-hour-per week job. But you should grow your business while developing other income streams to ensure long-term financial stability.

posted by Ostara at 12:08 PM on June 26, 2012 [5 favorites]

thanks for your answers, I have a lot to think about.

Yes, I am paying rent, although it's not as much as I'd be paying to a landlord. I don't intend to buy a car, ever, if I don't have to. OMG how dare I?

I've had plenty of crappy summer jobs since I was 16 to pay for school, so I don't feel like i need to go through that just for the sake of learning about myself. I've also had 3 or four really good ones while I was in school, so no, I'm not just a floating hippie who never works.

Yes, I have my student loan to pay, so this is another reason why I need money. I'm planning to go back to school within the next year/two years so I should be saving for that too. As for what, I have a few ideas but I don't feel like sharing them right now.

Mental health wise-- still struggling with depression but feeling better now than I have in 5 years (since I started undergrad). Socially- happier than I've ever been in my life. This is because I actually have time to cultivate relationships properly. Living at home hasn't hurt my social life at all-- it has actually helped it because I feel supported and accepted in my home and confident enough to meet new people and try new experiences (away at school I felt alone and weak).

Artistic wise, I'm starting a musical production in the fall at a local college-- i won't be paid for it. Suck that.

Also, I already said I was trying to find another part time job and having trouble doing so.

The one I had that didn't pan out, if you must know, was canvassing for Amnesty International. I didn't make their quota for hourly donations, so I wasn't able to be fully hired.

So I think I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.
posted by costanza at 12:08 PM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

All the folks I know who teach piano have regular appointments. Make them fit your schedule. And get a day job. Time to earn your way.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:31 PM on June 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have a friend who packed cookies in a cookie factory for three years until a teaching job came up. Working full time and paying bills is what a responsible adult does. People rarely find their dream job straight out of college.
posted by sybarite09 at 5:46 AM on June 27, 2012

Well, a bit put off by your snotty responses but I'll post what i was going to say anyway which was yep! As long as (and only as long as) your parents are on board with helping you out (and do be realistic about whether and how much they are sacrificing for you) then go for it. If you are not a drain on other people, then do what makes you happy.
posted by gaspode at 5:46 AM on June 27, 2012

I've had plenty of crappy summer jobs since I was 16 to pay for school, so I don't feel like i need to go through that just for the sake of learning about myself. I've also had 3 or four really good ones while I was in school, so no, I'm not just a floating hippie who never works.

This is not what people were saying, and I think you're doing both yourself and the people who are trying to help you a disservice by being so dismissive. I'm strongly questioning whether you actually wanted advice all along, or just validation of the course of action you'd already chosen, and are wasting everyone's time. But giving you the benefit of the doubt...

What a number of people have said is that, in many career fields, you'll end up doing several years of low-level work that is not particularly fun, in order to build up your resume, before you get to do anything that is interesting/creative/intellectually stimulating (or financially rewarding). It's not about "finding yourself." That is just how those fields work. And as a result, if you have any interest in going into a field like that as a career, you would be well to get the scut work out of the way now, when you don't have to worry about paying for room and board.

The idea behind this is that you avoid a time, somewhere in the not-too-distant future, when you have to move out from your parents' place and have serious bills to pay, and nothing significant on your resume to assist in getting a decent job. Because that sucks. In that case, I suspect you might regret not having used the opportunity to live with very few expenses more effectively.

It's not a moral issue, but you may be painting yourself into a corner.

But do whatever you think will give you the fewest regrets later. Just try not to be quite so defensive when you ask for advice and people give it to you.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:21 AM on June 27, 2012 [12 favorites]