Our answering machine isn't SkyNet...
June 22, 2012 9:02 AM Subscribe
More and more often, people calling seem to think that they have reached a real person when our answering machine picks up. For reference, what you hear when the machine picks up is "You have reached the [Family Name] residence. Please leave a message" followed by a relatively loud beep. However, people (not recordings) seem to leave a lot messages that sound like they expect responses from the machine. Why would this be? Could we/should we fix it?
I have checked the message by calling the phone and waiting for the machine to pick up, so it does seem to be what people are hearing. The messages that people leave are often of the "Can I speak to [First Name]? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?" sort, but we have gotten a couple hilarious messages in which people start by asking for one of us and then state that they "know that we're there" and yell at us for being rude. Much of the time, the messages don't seem to be recordings or computer-dialed calls and are even sometimes from dear friends, although not the same ones each time. These messages happen at least a couple times a week and seems to be on the rise. What is going on?
I have checked the message by calling the phone and waiting for the machine to pick up, so it does seem to be what people are hearing. The messages that people leave are often of the "Can I speak to [First Name]? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?" sort, but we have gotten a couple hilarious messages in which people start by asking for one of us and then state that they "know that we're there" and yell at us for being rude. Much of the time, the messages don't seem to be recordings or computer-dialed calls and are even sometimes from dear friends, although not the same ones each time. These messages happen at least a couple times a week and seems to be on the rise. What is going on?
Alternately, your message machine could be on the fritz. You should ask one of your dear friends what they heard when they called that last time.
posted by muddgirl at 9:07 AM on June 22, 2012
posted by muddgirl at 9:07 AM on June 22, 2012
Yes, people are assuming that you are sitting next to the machine and listening to them leave messages. There really isn't any kind of clarification you can leave in your outgoing message that will help these people with their weird imagined persecution issues.
posted by elizardbits at 9:08 AM on June 22, 2012 [12 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 9:08 AM on June 22, 2012 [12 favorites]
A lot of folks may think that you're there, screening calls, which explains the "Hey, Pick up! I know you're there." Personally, when I call my sister (the last person I know with a machine instead of voice mail,) I start out by leaving a message for her, then I talk to the dog. "Hi Mischa! Who's a good girl? Who's a pretty girl? So yeah...call me when you get in."
As for the rest, it sounds like the people calling you aren't all that sharp. Blow it off.
I'm all about the brief message. One of my best friends has an awesome outgoing message, "Yay! It's Voice Mail! Leave me a message and I'll get back to you!" You really can't misinterpret that.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:10 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
As for the rest, it sounds like the people calling you aren't all that sharp. Blow it off.
I'm all about the brief message. One of my best friends has an awesome outgoing message, "Yay! It's Voice Mail! Leave me a message and I'll get back to you!" You really can't misinterpret that.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:10 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Lengthen your message slightly to drive home the point that you're actually not there, and let the caller wrap their heads around the imminent need to leave a message.
"Hi, you've reached the Dulac residence. We're not home right now so please leave a message after the beep and we will return your call as soon as we can. Thanks!"
posted by milk white peacock at 9:13 AM on June 22, 2012
"Hi, you've reached the Dulac residence. We're not home right now so please leave a message after the beep and we will return your call as soon as we can. Thanks!"
posted by milk white peacock at 9:13 AM on June 22, 2012
Are you 100% sure that your answering machine is working all the time and the caller isn't just sometimes hearing silence, as if you have picked up the phone but aren't saying anything?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:13 AM on June 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:13 AM on June 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
Or maybe they're hearing the first line and then it gets cut off? Try calling your own phone a few times to check it's working OK.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:15 AM on June 22, 2012
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:15 AM on June 22, 2012
I think with the advent of caller-id and the rise of cell phones people are getting more and more accustomed to the idea that other people screen their calls, because they probably do the same thing themselves to a greater or lesser extent. But when a cellphone goes to voicemail, you have to just accept that the person isn't answering their phone and leave a polite message (or, if you're of the younger generation: hang up and send a text message). The answering machine on the other hand gives them a weird outlet for their frustration, because they know you'll be able to hear them if you're actually just sitting in the next room avoiding the telephone. They're essentially trying to bully you into picking up. I think the only thing you can do about it is to switch to a service that gives you voicemail services for your landline.
posted by colfax at 9:20 AM on June 22, 2012
posted by colfax at 9:20 AM on June 22, 2012
Maybe you could have an outgoing message that says, "Hi, this is the Ostrowski-Bettelheim residence. We're screening our calls right now, so leave us a message, and we'll get back to you when we're done avoiding you."
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:22 AM on June 22, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:22 AM on June 22, 2012 [9 favorites]
Related to the above: if you want to make your machine 01) super awesome and 02) very obviously a recording that will not be confused with your voice actually answering the phone, the Old Spice Guy has a website that will make you a custom answering machine message.
posted by elizardbits at 9:23 AM on June 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 9:23 AM on June 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
Or, you can go on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and have Carl Kasle do a recording for you.
How good are you at limericks?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:28 AM on June 22, 2012 [9 favorites]
How good are you at limericks?
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:28 AM on June 22, 2012 [9 favorites]
I can't imagine calling someone and expecting them to have the type of answering machine that broadcasts the message via the speaker in real time. Don't modern answering machines act more like voicemail systems?
In any case, maybe use a canned outgoing message with the generic operator voice. That would seem more like a voicemail system to me.
posted by mullacc at 9:30 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
In any case, maybe use a canned outgoing message with the generic operator voice. That would seem more like a voicemail system to me.
posted by mullacc at 9:30 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have a couple of friends whose voicemail greeting is of good quality and has a slight pause after the initial "hello" or other greeting. Invariably I start talking as soon as they say "hello", only to be cut off by the rest of the greeting. Others have done this as well; perhaps something similar could be goiong on with your greeting.
posted by TedW at 9:32 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by TedW at 9:32 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
You know what, if dear friends are starting their message with "Is Sally home?" then I think you're either the target of a vast practical joke or your phone system is degrading. The easiest test would be to get a new voicemail machine.
posted by muddgirl at 9:33 AM on June 22, 2012
posted by muddgirl at 9:33 AM on June 22, 2012
Sometimes, you have to account for the fact that some people are just stupid or ignorant or self-focused or...
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:34 AM on June 22, 2012
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:34 AM on June 22, 2012
These answers reminded me that I do this to my mom. She does use her answering machine to screen calls (she gets a large volume of telemarketing compared to actual callers), her answering machine does play the call out loud, and if you keep talking for long enough she will come around and pick up the phone. I am usually just trying to keep talking long enough for her to get to the phone and loudly enough to make sure she hears me if she's in another room, which is a little awkward and I'm sure I sound like an idiot doing it, but it works...
If your friends have gotten the idea that you do this and you strongly desire that they stop leaving dumb messages, then you need to be very consistent to drive the behavior to extinction--that means no one in your house picks up the phone while the answering machine is going. Either pick it up while it's ringing or wait a while to call back.
posted by anaelith at 9:39 AM on June 22, 2012
If your friends have gotten the idea that you do this and you strongly desire that they stop leaving dumb messages, then you need to be very consistent to drive the behavior to extinction--that means no one in your house picks up the phone while the answering machine is going. Either pick it up while it's ringing or wait a while to call back.
posted by anaelith at 9:39 AM on June 22, 2012
If you're still using an answering machine instead of voice mail, people assume you're screening. We're the second-to-last people we know with an actual answering machine on our landline, and people do this all the time.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:45 AM on June 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:45 AM on June 22, 2012 [3 favorites]
people start by asking for one of us and then state that they "know that we're there" and yell at us for being rude
Now that is rude! Unless they're obviously joking. But yeah, they think you're screening.
The other people, who keep saying "hello," I think this is because people just don't listen. Watch people make calls in public sometime, a huge percentage of them will dial and then do something else (wrangle their kids, talk to someone in front of them, fiddle with their groceries) until they become vaguely aware of a voice emanating from the phone. By the time they get it up to their ear and talk back, the message is done and the caller doesn't know what happened, just that someone or something has answered. If you've ever worked the front desk of a busy company that involves a greeting like "Dewey Cheatem and Howe, Good Afternoon!" whenever you pick up the phone, you'll know how many people just do not even hear that and keep talking like you're their friend.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 10:03 AM on June 22, 2012 [4 favorites]
Now that is rude! Unless they're obviously joking. But yeah, they think you're screening.
The other people, who keep saying "hello," I think this is because people just don't listen. Watch people make calls in public sometime, a huge percentage of them will dial and then do something else (wrangle their kids, talk to someone in front of them, fiddle with their groceries) until they become vaguely aware of a voice emanating from the phone. By the time they get it up to their ear and talk back, the message is done and the caller doesn't know what happened, just that someone or something has answered. If you've ever worked the front desk of a busy company that involves a greeting like "Dewey Cheatem and Howe, Good Afternoon!" whenever you pick up the phone, you'll know how many people just do not even hear that and keep talking like you're their friend.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 10:03 AM on June 22, 2012 [4 favorites]
Do you ever ask the ones, with whom you are friends, why they did that? Different people who know you and from whom you would presumably not be screening your callls having the same issue - unless they know each other and are playing some kind of not-terribly-hilarious joke on you - seem like something is wrong with your answering machine.
My voicemail's outgoing message has my full name, and I still get a lot of "hello? hello? is this ____? can you hear me?" And this is a cell phone. I think people just don't listen to my message but yours?
posted by sm1tten at 10:28 AM on June 22, 2012
My voicemail's outgoing message has my full name, and I still get a lot of "hello? hello? is this ____? can you hear me?" And this is a cell phone. I think people just don't listen to my message but yours?
posted by sm1tten at 10:28 AM on June 22, 2012
Another angle: Back when I had an answering machine, I used to get lots of messages like the ones you describe ("Yes, may I speak to Mr. Rykey? Hello? Hello?") that were clearly coming from a call center (I could hear keyboards tapping and other voices in the background talking to customers). I figured the people calling were either required to ask for someone regardless of who (or what) picked up the line, they were bored/inattentive due to the monotony of the job, they purposely did that as a sales ploy, or, because of a feature of the call center's calling software, they somehow didn't get connected to the call until after my answering machine beeped.
So if you aren't sure that all the weird messages are from people you actually know, some of them might be coming from call centers.
posted by Rykey at 10:32 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
So if you aren't sure that all the weird messages are from people you actually know, some of them might be coming from call centers.
posted by Rykey at 10:32 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
My guesses:
1. Your friends are pretty dim.
2. Now that nearly everyone has cell phones, they're calling from places with more ambient noise. This might make it harder for them to hear your message.
posted by sugarbomb at 11:04 AM on June 22, 2012
1. Your friends are pretty dim.
2. Now that nearly everyone has cell phones, they're calling from places with more ambient noise. This might make it harder for them to hear your message.
posted by sugarbomb at 11:04 AM on June 22, 2012
I think there's a substantial percentage of today's phone-using public that's not familiar with answering machines. While mobile phones have voicemail, some huge percentage of mobile voicemails still use default unavailability announcements.
If someone's only ever used mobile phones, and doesn't hear a standard voicemail prompt, they might not know what your setup is, especially if some of these people are calling you as a wrong number.
I haven't owned a landline phone which could support an answering machine since the last millenium, and haven't knowingly left a message on an answering machine of someone I know in over a decade. And I'm older and probably more well off than most mobile-native phone users.
Put simply, many people live in a context where they'd almost never have encountered an answering machine.
posted by anildash at 11:06 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
If someone's only ever used mobile phones, and doesn't hear a standard voicemail prompt, they might not know what your setup is, especially if some of these people are calling you as a wrong number.
I haven't owned a landline phone which could support an answering machine since the last millenium, and haven't knowingly left a message on an answering machine of someone I know in over a decade. And I'm older and probably more well off than most mobile-native phone users.
Put simply, many people live in a context where they'd almost never have encountered an answering machine.
posted by anildash at 11:06 AM on June 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Put simply, many people live in a context where they'd almost never have encountered an answering machine
Gone full circle. My ex's great uncle does not know what to do with an answering machine. He is in his 80s. He is a little hard of hearing, hears a voice and starts talking as if it is a go. Maybe the ambient noise for the younger folks does the same thing. Can't fully hear, hear a voice, start talking, don't get a response and start screaming or doing the "can you hear me now" thing.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:27 AM on June 22, 2012
Gone full circle. My ex's great uncle does not know what to do with an answering machine. He is in his 80s. He is a little hard of hearing, hears a voice and starts talking as if it is a go. Maybe the ambient noise for the younger folks does the same thing. Can't fully hear, hear a voice, start talking, don't get a response and start screaming or doing the "can you hear me now" thing.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:27 AM on June 22, 2012
By the time they get it up to their ear and talk back, the message is done and the caller doesn't know what happened, just that someone or something has answered.
This is what's on the rise. I hate it. Two of the, like, four people that I regular actually get real audio calls from do this and it plumbs the depths of my not inconsiderable patience when I pick up a phone, say hello, and then have to listen to the familiar voice on the other end finish some other conversation. Sometimes even a transaction with a cashier! What the fuck!
Sorry.
It's not clear to me whether you really do have a 90's answering machine that works in a way that would let you screen calls like that. If I knew that you had one of those, I'd probably assume that it was for the sole purpose of screening calls because do they even make those any more?
If not, and you're actually talking about voicemail (or even if it is a 90's machine), is it a reception issue? Maybe they just hear a voice and can't quite make it out, so they just start talking.
posted by cmoj at 11:27 AM on June 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
This is what's on the rise. I hate it. Two of the, like, four people that I regular actually get real audio calls from do this and it plumbs the depths of my not inconsiderable patience when I pick up a phone, say hello, and then have to listen to the familiar voice on the other end finish some other conversation. Sometimes even a transaction with a cashier! What the fuck!
Sorry.
It's not clear to me whether you really do have a 90's answering machine that works in a way that would let you screen calls like that. If I knew that you had one of those, I'd probably assume that it was for the sole purpose of screening calls because do they even make those any more?
If not, and you're actually talking about voicemail (or even if it is a 90's machine), is it a reception issue? Maybe they just hear a voice and can't quite make it out, so they just start talking.
posted by cmoj at 11:27 AM on June 22, 2012 [2 favorites]
Oh, and I meant to say I agree that it might help - might - if you switch it back to the default message. (Assuming your current recording is in your own voice.) A lot of people won't notice, but for at least a few, hearing the robo-lady say "The. PERSON. You are calling is NOT. Available." might jog the part of their brain that recognizes they're not dealing with a human.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 11:52 AM on June 22, 2012
posted by DestinationUnknown at 11:52 AM on June 22, 2012
I, too, still have an landline & an answering machine, and I still regularly get messages like this, and I think Rykey's answer is the most correct one - it's call centers, telemarketers, whatever you want to call 'em. The rise of call centers has (IMO, anyway) also caused a rise in the number of times you pick up a ringing landline & there's nobody there.
The software is dialing thousands of numbers a minute, and either the software can't tell that the line's been picked up by an answering machine and not a real person, or the live person "calling you" doesn't care/has to go through the motions regardless. All they know is "phone's been answered, start talking." It's only after they get to the end of the first sentence with no response and no sound of life on your end of the line that they realize a machine's picked up.
posted by soundguy99 at 12:22 PM on June 22, 2012
The software is dialing thousands of numbers a minute, and either the software can't tell that the line's been picked up by an answering machine and not a real person, or the live person "calling you" doesn't care/has to go through the motions regardless. All they know is "phone's been answered, start talking." It's only after they get to the end of the first sentence with no response and no sound of life on your end of the line that they realize a machine's picked up.
posted by soundguy99 at 12:22 PM on June 22, 2012
People are stupid. Some people are just not gonna get the clue.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:57 PM on June 22, 2012
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:57 PM on June 22, 2012
People will answer with a cheerful hello, machines usually don't. The shorter the message, the better. I personally HATE listening to your long-winded answering machine complete with country western music (I'm lookin' at you, Becky!)
Very cold and business-like tones: "Wiskunde residence. Leave a message, please."
Won't help the suspicious ones that get all butt-hurt thinking someone would screen THEIR call, but really, who cares?
...it plumbs the depths of my not inconsiderable patience when I pick up a phone, say hello, and then have to listen to the familiar voice on the other end finish some other conversation. Sometimes even a transaction with a cashier! What the fuck!
If you're going to call someone, then do it and don't be screwin' around with other things. Otherwise, wait till you can focus.
I've been known to hang up when people do this to me--whoops, got disconnected. Repeat as needed.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:27 PM on June 22, 2012
Very cold and business-like tones: "Wiskunde residence. Leave a message, please."
Won't help the suspicious ones that get all butt-hurt thinking someone would screen THEIR call, but really, who cares?
...it plumbs the depths of my not inconsiderable patience when I pick up a phone, say hello, and then have to listen to the familiar voice on the other end finish some other conversation. Sometimes even a transaction with a cashier! What the fuck!
If you're going to call someone, then do it and don't be screwin' around with other things. Otherwise, wait till you can focus.
I've been known to hang up when people do this to me--whoops, got disconnected. Repeat as needed.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:27 PM on June 22, 2012
I also have a land line with an answering machine that plays the outgoing and ingoing messages out loud. I get those kind of messages, but also, increasingly, I've had people ask me if I got their message even when there was no message. I pressed the last person who said this and she admitted that she might not have left a message, but it was clear that she expected me to know that she had called anyway.
It finally occurred to me that people assume a couple things. First that I am always screening my calls. ( I am sometimes screening my calls. I don't pick up the phone during the dinner/high telemarketing hours. Other times, I'm simply not home.) Second, that I have called i.d. (which I do not). The second assumption leads them to believe that either I am looking at the caller i.d. and choosing not to speak to them or I'm actually not at home but will know that they called later by checking the caller i.d.
I have also had a friend tell me recently that she can't stand it when someone leaves a voicemail message that just says "Hi it's Looli, call me back," because she can already see that it was me and assumes I would like her to call back.
Anyhow, I have changed my outgoing message to say, roughly, Hi, this is us, we're not here, please leave a message. We also don't have caller i.d. so I'm not sitting here knowing it's you and ignoring you, plus, also, unless you leave a message, I am going to have no idea that you called."
posted by looli at 2:31 PM on June 22, 2012
It finally occurred to me that people assume a couple things. First that I am always screening my calls. ( I am sometimes screening my calls. I don't pick up the phone during the dinner/high telemarketing hours. Other times, I'm simply not home.) Second, that I have called i.d. (which I do not). The second assumption leads them to believe that either I am looking at the caller i.d. and choosing not to speak to them or I'm actually not at home but will know that they called later by checking the caller i.d.
I have also had a friend tell me recently that she can't stand it when someone leaves a voicemail message that just says "Hi it's Looli, call me back," because she can already see that it was me and assumes I would like her to call back.
Anyhow, I have changed my outgoing message to say, roughly, Hi, this is us, we're not here, please leave a message. We also don't have caller i.d. so I'm not sitting here knowing it's you and ignoring you, plus, also, unless you leave a message, I am going to have no idea that you called."
posted by looli at 2:31 PM on June 22, 2012
I think it's the screening assumption also, not machine naivete. They must be conditioned by the people who do screen and pick up.
Are most of the callers going, "Hey Joe, are ya there? It's Larry! Hello? Aw, well, call me back, bye." Or is it like "Joe? I'm trying to reach Joe, please? Yes? Hello? May I speak with... Hello? I don't... I don't understand... (click)"
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 9:00 PM on June 22, 2012
Are most of the callers going, "Hey Joe, are ya there? It's Larry! Hello? Aw, well, call me back, bye." Or is it like "Joe? I'm trying to reach Joe, please? Yes? Hello? May I speak with... Hello? I don't... I don't understand... (click)"
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 9:00 PM on June 22, 2012
A confused and slightly deaf elderly relative of mine used to do this all the time until I added a little music to the start of my outgoing message, to make it more obviously not a live conversation. It's worked so far.
posted by Coaticass at 10:29 PM on June 22, 2012
posted by Coaticass at 10:29 PM on June 22, 2012
Response by poster: Thanks everyone! We very rarely screen calls via answering machine. If the answering machine picks up, we're not home or are just not answering calls period. We have specified special ringtones for friends/family and the phone will read the caller id aloud, so we use that to determine whether we pick up or not. Any given caller wouldn't have any indication that we do that.
Oddly, the odd messages have decreased in frequency since I posted this. Not sure if it was due to some phone line troubles, people wising up, or what, but it's better. Thanks for the suggestions in case it picks up again!
posted by wiskunde at 1:29 PM on July 27, 2012
Oddly, the odd messages have decreased in frequency since I posted this. Not sure if it was due to some phone line troubles, people wising up, or what, but it's better. Thanks for the suggestions in case it picks up again!
posted by wiskunde at 1:29 PM on July 27, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by muddgirl at 9:07 AM on June 22, 2012 [4 favorites]