My father: not as evil as Darth Vader, at least.
June 21, 2012 11:46 AM Subscribe
I've found my father and decided to contact him after about 25 years of silence. I need to come up with something better than, "Hi. You helped spawn me. I have questions."
posted by cmyk to Human Relations (14 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Inspired by the Darth Vader Was A Horrible Dad cards (I'm only half kidding) I've decided that, before he ups and snuffs it, I probably ought to get in touch with my father. I haven't seen him since I was about five. I'm not particularly sure why -- I just know that we moved and he moved around the same time, and contact was lost. That's what I was told, anyway, and what my mother sticks to. Contact with him was sporadic before that, I didn't know him enough to miss him.
I have his contact information now. Not an easy guy to find -- doesn't leave much of a trace online. When I knew him, he was always on the road, but apparently he's kept the same address since 1990. I don't know how to interpret that.
In a perfect world I'd hire a film noir detective who'd contact the guy and then get back to me, having vetted him first -- yeah, your daughter might want to hear from you, answer this stuff and then we'll see if she gets back to you. Someone to run interference, you know? If he's going to be a jerk and claim I never existed, I'd much rather he not do that to my face. Though, I've made it to thirty without his help, I figure I can manage the rest of my life. It would hurt, but I'd survive.
If he's interested in catching up I'd be up for that, sort of, on my terms anyway. I'd like to know genealogical/genetic stuff -- medical histories especially, as I have some problems that nobody else in my maternal family has. I'd like to know how many more half-siblings I have: there are two older ones, and I doubt he stopped after spawning me.
Honestly, I have pretty low expectations: if I even got a letter back I'd be amazed.
So -- how the hell do I do this? I figure the thing to do is write a letter, but what on earth do I say? "Hi, you're my dad. You never blew up my home planet, so at least we have that going. After all this time you better have worked up a good story." Yeah. That won't fly, I don't think.
I'm sure it's obvious that I have no idea how to go about this. Help?